Recipe Box: Meringues

These are gluten-free, fat-free, very cheap to make, and are great if you need something to keep fresh for a long while before a potluck. 

You will need an electric mixer.  Whipping egg whites by hand is a test of endurance.  Even one of the $20 hand-held mixers from Wal-mart will work, even if it takes a little longer than a stand mixer. 

4 egg whites 
2 cups confectioner's sugar (powdered sugar)
1/4 tsp cream of tartar
3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 200 degrees and line 2 large baking sheets with parchment or foil.

Beat eggs until they turn white and frothy.  Add cream of tartar and vanilla, then add sugar gradually as you beat until it is all incorporated.  Beat on high (or gradually up to 8 on a Kitchenaid stand mixer) until stiff peaks form.  When you lift the mixer, the resulting point should stay sharp instead of folding over. 

Spoon mixture into a pastry bag with a large round or star tip.  In a pinch you can cut a corner out of a gallon ziplock and use it as a pastry bag, or even just two spoons to make meringue mounds. 

Bake at 200 degrees for 2 hours.  Switch the sheets and turn them after 1 hour for even baking.  After 2 hours, turn off the oven and leave the meringues where they are for another hour to gradually cool.  They are more drying out than baking. 

If you're in a hurry, you can bake them at 225 for an hour and a half, switching and turning after the first hour.  You'll need to watch them carefully for any signs that they are browning on the bottom (best test is the taste test!) at which point you should turn off the oven and let them rest for 30-60 minutes to finish drying.

Store immediately in airtight container.

NOTES:

You can reduce the sugar to 1.5 cups if you increase the cream of tartar to 1/2 tsp, or eliminate the cream of tartar by adding an additional 1/4 cup sugar.  Either sugar or tartar is needed to stabilize the whites.

The meringues will not expand any more than they are, so you can set them almost touching each other on the baking sheet if you need the room.  I like to make mini-meringues by setting 1" dots very close together.  This recipe will fill two baking sheets completely with mini meringues. 

You can make meringue "baskets" just like the clay baskets you made as a kid by coiling a long snake of clay.  Once they're baked you can serve them filled with something, like fresh berries, custard, or ice cream. 

Eggs will separate better cold, but will give you more volume at room temperature.  Once you separate the eggs, let the whites sit for 30 minutes to warm and they will whip up higher. 

Fresh eggs will give you more stable meringue, 4-5 day old eggs will whip up with more volume (because the fluid is thinner).  For this, the stability of fresh eggs is better for handling in the pastry bag. 

Play with additives once you have an idea of how the meringue behaves.  Try adding 1/4 cup shredded coconut and some almond or coconut extract.  Try adding mini chocolate chips and a few tablespoons of cocoa powder.  Or maybe a few tablespoons of orange juice.  frosting dye added at the soft peak stage will give you colors. 

Recipe Box: Flourless Chocolate Cake

Flourless Chocolate Cake

An extremely rich, dark chocolate concoction with the consistency and taste of a truffle.  It sounds (and tastes!) much more complex than it is, and the result is something that will wow the crowd.  This is best served with a topping to off-set the intensity of the chocolate.  Fresh whipping cream is my choice, but for a potluck fresh berries may be a better pick because the cream may fall unless it is kept well-chilled.  Even fresh fruit like sliced bananas would be an interesting twist and complement the chocolate well.  cream-cheese frosting or fruit dip may be too sweet for your taste, but try it and see!

The liqueur does not entirely bake off, so if alcohol is an issue try substituting another liquid.  Water will give a more basic chocolate flavor, while coffee would add a touch of mocha.  A chocolate-compatible fruit juice such as orange, cherry or pomegranate would do interesting things as well.  Use water and add 3/4 tsp peppermint extract for a chocolate-mint flavor.

If you use a spring-form cake pan, either wrap the outside really well with tin foil to prevent the water bath from leaking in, or set a large pan of water on the rack directly below the cake pan (as close as possible).  The bain-marie adds moisture so that the surface of the cake does not dry out and crack during the long baking. 

Ingredients:

1/2 cup Grand Marnier liqueur (see note above for substitutions)
1 cup salted butter (or unsalted, with 1/4 tsp salt added to the sugar/liqueur mix)
3/4 cup white sugar
4 ounces unsweetened chocolate
14 ounces semi-sweet chocolate
3 large eggs
3 egg whites

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F.

start a pot of water to boil.  You'll be either setting the cake pan in a larger pan filled with boiling water, or if using a springform pan, setting a pan of boiling water directly underneath it.  Make sure you boil enough water to give you a 1" deep "bath" (bain-marie).

Line the bottom of a 10" cake pan with parchment and grease it and the sides lightly.  See notes above for using a springform pan.  You can make mini-cakes with liners in a cupcake tin, but reduce cooking time to 40 minutes and check it at 30.  Remove if the tops look dry or have any cracks. 

Place the chocolate pieces in a large glass mixing bowl in the microwave for 30 seconds on high.  Stir, then microwave for an additional 20 seconds.  Continue stirring until smooth, cooking for an addition 10 seconds at a time if the pieces are not melting after stirring for one minute.

Combine liqueur (or substitute) and sugar in a small saucepan and stir constantly over medium-low heat until the liquid is clear and sugar is dissolved. Set aside. 

Soften butter (microwave 5 seconds at a time on high, turning sticks 1/4 turn after each interval until very soft)

stir butter well into chocolate until smooth

stir sugared liquid into mixture until smooth

beat eggs in a separate bowl.  Slowly add about 1 cup (doesn't need to be exact) of the chocolate mixture to the eggs while stirring briskly.  Then stir the egg mixture back into the main bowl, continuing to stir.  This is called "tempering."  You are bringing the eggs up to temperature before adding them to the hot liquid.  This prevents bits of cooked egg from spoiling the texture of the cake.

Pour the mixture into the prepared cake pan.  Fill the bain-marie with boiling water 1/2" up the sides.

Bake for 45 minutes.  the center will still look wet when you pull it out, but it will continue baking for a while even after you've removed it from the oven and will set up when chilled. 

Leave the cake in the pan to chill.  Let cool at room temperature for 30 minutes, then chill for at least 4 hours or overnight in the refrigerator to set. 

To remove from pan, let the bottom rest in hot water for 2 minutes.  Then use a knife dipped in hot water to run around the edge and loosen.  turn over on a serving dish and let loosen/fall.  Cut with a sharp knife dipped in hot water between slices.  See notes above for toppings/garnish.  Store in fridge up to 1 week. 

Note:  Baker brand baking chocolate is listed as gluten-free as of the 2012 Cecelia's Marketplace guide.  Check with the manufacturers because baking chocolates rarely label for gluten. 

The Four Agreements of Body Acceptance (Part 4)

This is part Four of my series applying the concepts from the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz to self acceptance and body acceptance.  You can read the previous parts here: 

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Part 4

Fourth Agreement:  "Always Do Your Best" (Don Miguel Ruiz, "The Four Agreements")

The key part of this agreement is the idea that your best is not a constant, because you are not a machine.  It is okay if your 100% today is very different from your 100% last week.  It is important that you give yourself credit for what you can do today.  In body acceptance, your best today might be going to a protest rally, shaming the haters, standing up to every body-negative message you encounter.  On the other hand, your best might be getting through your day without actually killing someone. 

Christine Miserandino is a writer who came up with what's now called the "spoon" theory.  She was using the analogy to describe the very limited energy available to her as someone living with Lupus, but it has since been adopted by many auto-immune and pain disorder sufferers including those with Fibromyalgia and Celiac. She described her day to a friend in a cafe' in terms of a handful of spoons.  Each activity in her day costs her one or mores spoons, from waking up and showering, to doing the dishes, to dealing with a friend's trouble.  At the end of the day, with one spoon left and many different people and chores bidding for it, she has to make serious choices about what she is capable of accomplishing and what she needs to let go. 

The spoons, of course, represent a unit of energy.  The energy can be any combination of physical, mental, and emotional energy depending on the person and the day.  You may have days when your brain is going a mile-a-minute but you are too physically exhausted or emotionally overwhelmed to really act on your trains of thought.  Or, you may be physically restless but feel like you're thinking through a fog.  If you do suffer from a disorder that saps your physical and emotional energy, the number of "spoons" you can allot to loving and accepting your body may be very limited. 

But everyone, whether or not they have an identified disorder, does have a finite amount of physical, mental and emotional energy each day. Through media, ads, and societal pressure we are sometimes fooled into thinking that it's possible to go through life giving the same or greater smiling 100% every day without fail or discouragement. I have never personally met or heard of a person with no off-days. Have you? I have some days when I feel like I can conquer the world, write a novel and declutter the house in the same afternoon.  On those days, body acceptance is easy.  I can laugh off negative body messages with scorn and engage the haters with cool confidence.  I have other days when a casual fat joke in a television show or a billboard for bariatric surgery will send me into a dark, unshakable, pessimistic funk for the rest of the day.  On the latter days, my best is to simply be forgiving of myself, avoid shaming messages as much as possible, and seek out support from loved ones.  Most days are somewhere in-between.  I suspect that's fairly typical. 

So in deciding to yourself what your "best" effort is towards body acceptance, be careful of setting static or absolute goals for each day.  People with pain disorders know that they often don't know when a flare-up will arrive until it does, and the rest of us could wake up any morning with a cold, a bad night's sleep, or generally an inexplicably crappy mood. The discouragement of not reaching a goal is the worst possible addition you can make on an already discouraging day.  Instead of saying "tomorrow I will accomplish XYZ," it might be helpful to set a sliding scale of goals, where you include some body-love activities that come very easily to you and some that are more difficult.  That way, you can decide how much you do based on what you actually can do. On a low-energy day, reward yourself for the little things.  On a high-energy day, tackle something bigger.  Either way, you find something to feel good about.  Just be honest with yourself about what constitutes your best. 

The Four Agreements of Body Acceptance (Part 3)

This is part two of my series applying the concepts from the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz to self acceptance and body acceptance.  You can read the previous parts here: 

Part 1
Part 2

Part 3

Third Agreement:  "Don't Make Assumptions" (Don Miguel Ruiz, "The Four Agreements")

Joy Nash has a great sequence in her YouTube Video A Fat Rant where she stands on a sidewalk and verbalizes the assumption shared by a lot of larger women:  "There's no way that guy would be interested in me.  I'm fat!"

Then she really addresses the assumption.  After all, she explains, there are many different reasons why anyone would choose to talk to someone or not, including the band on the other person's tee shirt. It may have absolutely nothing to do with our bodies, and yet we tend to blame them for every negative encounter we experience. 

We have probably all experienced a moment where we made assumptions about how other people feel about us.  Maybe a stranger glared or a teenager giggled in our direction, or someone seemed to snub or ignore us.  This can trigger a litany of self-criticism and recriminations: 

"That staring woman looks really disapproving.  I'll bet she thinks I'm too (old/fat/tall/short/pierced/weird)."
"He walked right past me without making eye contact...he must be angry with me about something."
"There's no way that person would talk to me; they must find me repulsive."
"Those teenagers are laughing and looking in my direction; they must be making fun of me!"

Interestingly enough, it has been found that we frequently assign motivations and emotions to people based on very little nonverbal input. We assume a person is annoyed when they speak loudly, when in fact they might just speak loudly all the time.  They may even have hearing loss.  In addition, we tend to assign more positive and nuanced emotions or motivations to those we like, and more negative and absolute ones to strangers and those we dislike. 

This means that if the guy who bumps into you without apologizing is a friend, we are more likely to think, "he must be having a rough day" or "he must be thinking hard about something."  If they're a stranger or someone you dislike, you're more likely to simply dismiss them as a rude, insensitive jerk. So when making assumptions about what someone is thinking about you, you are more likely to fill in the spaces with your own fears if you're dealing with strangers. 

You are also more likely to assume the emotions and motivations of others are negative if you are feeling negative yourself.  This creates a loop, where you are feeling down about yourself, leading to assuming negative judgement about you by others, which reinforces the negative feelings you have about yourself.  You create your own negative encounter in your mind without ever actually interacting with the other person.

The good news is that you can break that loop and turn it around.


Golda Poretsky on Body Love Wellness addressed this directly.  Her advice is that every time you find yourself wondering what someone else is thinking about you, replace it with a positive assumption.  "That woman's really staring at me.  I must be looking particularly fabulous today!" or maybe "she's jealous because my burger looks so damn tasty". Or maybe "she's wondering if she can get that top in her size".  Or maybe "she's wondering if she should paint her walls the color of my jacket".  It doesn't matter what you substitute, as long as it is a positive reflection upon you and your body. 

By changing the assumptions to affirmations, you can elevate your mood.  This in turn makes it easier to make positive assumptions. 

Your homework, if you choose to accept it, is to put this into practice.  Go out to a place where you have experienced the negative assumption problem.  Notice people who look at you and assign positive emotions (like approval) to their looks.  Practice it, because you are forming new habits and they take a lot of practice.  Work on catching the negative assumptions and either distract yourself from them or turn them into positives.  take careful note of how it affects your mood. 

The Four Agreements of Body Acceptance (Part 2)

This is part two of my series applying the concepts from the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz to self acceptance and body acceptance.  You can read part one here: 

http://unapologeticallyfat.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-four-agreements-of-body-acceptance.html

Part 2

Second Agreement:  "Don't Take Anything Personally" (Don Miguel Ruiz, "The Four Agreements")

This is a huge struggle when it comes to body acceptance. Face it, humans are social creatures and we may even be biologically wired to seek the approval of others.  It becomes even more difficult when someone who you should be able to count on for acceptance (parent, child, lover friend) voices negative criticism of your body or self expression. 

The psychological concept behind this agreement is Humanistic and has to do with each person having their own personal mythology, or story, that defines our self-concept based on our values, experiences, and goals. Part of that mythology is that we assume, on an almost unconscious level, that other people share our story, experiences, tastes, dreams, and opinions.  That is why seeing things from another person's point of view becomes more difficult the more that view differs from our own.

If someone's personal "hero quest" is to reach a certain aesthetic ideal, they are quite often quick to assume that everyone shares in and approves of that goal (or that they should do so).  It helps when the aesthetic ideal is culturally reinforced through the media and arts.  But the fact that a lot of people share a particular mythology doesn't make that mythology true for you.  You have your own, and it is just as true as the mythology of the fashion marketing world. 

Understanding where that criticism comes from is a big step in deflecting it. It becomes easier to understand when put in terms of clothing, because our ability to change our clothing makes our fashion image less emotionally fraught than our body image. Let's say that you're part of the biker culture.  You wear a leather vest, jeans or leather pants, body art, maybe even piercings.  Your very preppy parents ask you constantly (for your "own good") why you can't dress more "respectably."  Our culture reinforces that your style is unlikely to bring you wealth or status.  You may be rejected by potential partners who make assumptions about you because of your clothing.  You get sideways stares in restaurants and malls.

Whose problem is this? 

Our society, and individuals who disapprove of your image would like you to think it is your problem and any negative effects your fault.  In truth?  They are the ones responsible for their own minds and actions.

It is NOT your responsibility to live up to someone else's mythology or expectations.  As a friend once said, "what other people think of me is none of my business."  Your only responsibility is to determine and live up to your own mythology or self-concept. 

Make it part of your mythology that there is nothing wrong with your body or the skin you're in.  That acceptance changes reality for you.  The more certain you can be, the more you are insulated from other peoples' fear.  Because if someone reacts negatively to your body, it is most likely because they have fear.  They may fear experiencing (even tangentially) the stigma of a body shape that does not fit the popular cultural ideal.  They may fear aging and mortality.   They may fear judgement from others.  They may fear some ghost of an experience inside their head that has absolutely nothing to do with you. 

But it is THEIR fear.  You don't have to own it, and you certainly don't have to support it.  It is not your responsibility to be universally appealing or well liked.  If their fear keeps them from having a relationship with you, then you will find other people without fear.  You don't need to engage in scarcity thinking where you examine where you have failed in obtaining approval from this one particular person.  There are billions upon billions of people in the world, and among them are people who would approve of you as you are right here and now. 

That's what it means to not take it personally.  Your mother's concern about your appearance is fear that she cannot make your life free of pain and judgement from others.  That stranger's derisive comment is their fear of becoming or being something else, or bitterness that they are no longer something they liked.  You can choose to pity the person, or educate them, or ignore them.  The only wrong choice is to take on their fear and use it to hurt yourself. 

The Four Agreements of Body Acceptance (Part 1)

While I'm not a big fan of the writing style and New Age mysticism of the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz  the core concept of each agreement applies well to body and self-acceptance.  Some people can really identify with the book, but for those of us who can't,  this is a series of posts distilling it down to the practical. 

Part 1

First Agreement:  "Be Impeccable With Your Word" (Don Miguel Ruiz, "The Four Agreements")

The concept here is based in the idea that you are what you do, and that speech is action.  Every time you speak negatively of your own appearance or that of others, you internalize that negativity and it becomes part of you.

What we often don't realize is that the words we say in our heads may not have the same impact as what we say aloud, but it does have an effect and there tends to be much more of it.  We're taught that it's rude to say negative things, so we say them silently, and to ourselves, and more or less constantly.  Most people are not even aware of the sheer volume of negativity in our lives; it has become normal background noise. 

Wrapped up in the problem is that we tend to suspect in others the actions we are most ashamed of in ourselves.  When you keep a running monologue of criticism of other peoples' bodies, it makes it easy to believe that others are doing the same about our body.  From that comes shyness, body shame, and self-criticism around other people. 

Being "impeccable with your word" means watching what you say to yourself as well as to others.  Each time you find yourself criticizing or reacting negatively to someone's body (your own or someone else's), see if you can cut yourself off.  It's okay to simply tell yourself No. 

Of course, trying to not think about something is extremely difficult for our brains.  There's the old playground trick where you dare someone to not think about pink elephants.  The only way it's possible for most people is to try very hard to think about something else.  So when you catch yourself in a negative thought, deliberately substitute a positive thought. Find something about the person to compliment, or that is at least neutral.  If you can't, at least try to think about something else.  How's the weather?

Dialectic Behavioral Therapy is based on this very concept; that the thoughts, body and emotional state are interconnected.  Changing one can often affect the others (for good or ill).  By policing your negative thoughts, you can elevate mood and improve health.  These are the primary benefits of reducing stress in general, and negative body talk can be very stressful. 

This is something that no one can wave a magic wand and fix, but with effort you can begin to head off criticism at the pass.  Eventually you'll find that instead of having to force yourself to think good things about people, it will happen automatically.  The boost in confidence and happiness this brings is well worth the effort. 

Recipe Box: Italian Sausage Kebabs with Orange-Ginger Glaze

These are perfect for gatherings that offer a grill, or they can be done in the broiler.  Mix up the fruits and vegetables however you like!

For kebabs:

skewers (8 large (15") or 25 of the little wooden ones
1 pound sweet Italian sausages
1 small pineapple
1/2 pound sweet peppers
1 medium zucchini or summer squash
6-8 oz whole mushrooms (min. 1" diameter)
1 red onion

For Marinade/Glaze:
1 large naval orange
1/2 tsp dried ginger or 1 tsp minced fresh
1/4 cup olive oil
1 Tablespoon red wine vinegar or balsamic vinegar
1 Tablespoon lemon juice

Set wooden skewers to soak in water (this prevents them from scorching while cooking)

Chop veggies and meat into 1.5" chunks if using the small wooden skewers or 2" chunks if using large metal skewers. 

Mushrooms and peppers may need to be in larger pieces because they have a tendency to split, but it will depend on the type and ripeness.  Try a few pieces on the skewers before cutting up the whole container. 

The Italian sausage will be easier to work with if you don't thaw it completely first.  Cutting it up frozen will give you neater slices and it will thaw on the skewers as it marinades.

It will be easier if you cut up everything before you start assembling the skewers.  Trust me!  Then you can pace your ingredients so you don't end up with one last skewer that's all zucchini.  Then again...that might be tasty!

add an assortment of meats and veggies/fruits to the skewers.  They don't all have to be the same!  I find that beginning and adding with a pepper or something "solid" will keep things from sliding off while you handle them.  Don't make sausage the first or last thing on the skewer or it may fall off while cooking. 

Set the skewers on a cookie sheet or foil.  You can keep metal skewers from poking through the ends of the foil with wine corks, but remove before baking.

Mix together marinade ingredients and brush liberally over all the skewers. 

Cover in foil and let marinade in fridge for at least 1/2 hour.  Uncover before cooking.

Grill or broil in oven for 15 minutes in a single layer, turning once during cooking to brown both sides.  If you broil the skewers on a cooking sheet with sides it will catch the juices and keep you from having to clean your oven afterwards!  If grilling, you can brush on more marinade 10 minutes before they're done. 

Feel free to sub other materials of course, but look for combinations of sweet and spicy to compliment the glaze.  Try apples and peaches instead of pineapple, or add/substitute hot peppers if you prefer. 

Recipe Box: French Chocolate Truffles

Oh yeah, I said truffles.   These are fantastic little sensory parties in the mouth, starting with the first shock of dark chocolate, followed by the smooth texture of cream, and finally a breath of heady cognac.

The original recipe calls for 1 cup whipping cream, but it was intended to be enclosed in tempered chocolate as a center.  I made straight truffles with a coating of cocoa, but they were a little too soft and messy to handle.  I would recommend, if leaving them un-dipped, that you reduce the cream by 3 tablespoons to give a firmer and easier to handle piece of chocolate.  Of course, if you have to leave out the booze, for whatever reason, then you've already reduced the liquid portion of the chocolate and should be just fine with a full cup of cream.

These should be stored in the fridge or freezer.  They're very edible straight from the freezer (like little bites of super-chocolatey gelato) but they lose some nuances of flavor from the cream and liqueur.  You could store the bulk in the freezer and take out a few a day to rest in the fridge to really get the many levels of flavor.

Also, don't use cheap booze.  If you can't afford Grand Marnier or an equal quality brandy or cognac, leave it out.  Don't cook with anything you wouldn't drink straight, because the flavor will affect it significantly. With some hunting, you may be able to get Grand Marnier in a 3 oz "airline" bottle, which will give you enough for this recipe.

Makes about 3 dozen.  

Ingredients:

9 and 1/2 ounces semisweet chocolate
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/4 cup confectioner's sugar (powdered sugar)
1 cup whipping cream (minus 3 tablespoons if powdering truffles instead of dipping)
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter (unsalted)
3 Tablespoons white granulated sugar
3 Tablespoons Grand Marnier
1 pound ice cubes


You will also need:

Double boiler (or a pot and a metal bowl that fits inside without tipping, must be at least large enough to hold 3-4 cups of liquid)
heavy-bottomed sauce pan
large bowl or pan (one that holds the pan or bowl used to melt the chocolate with a few inches to spare around the sides)
whisk
Cookie sheets
Parchment or wax paper

You may also want (but can do without):

Silicone heat-proof spatula
Pastry bag with large tip

Prep:

1. Measure out Grand Marnier into a small cup and set it within reach (but not where you'll tip it over).
2. Fill the bottom of the large bowl with ice and add several inches of water.  
3. Cover cookie sheets with wax or parchment paper and make room for them in the refrigerator.
4. Break chocolate into chunks, either as pre-scored by manufacturer or approx 1/2" to 1" pieces. 
5. Fill the bottom of the double boiler or sauce pan so that the top rests at least 2" into the water, or the bowl floats

Steps:
Place chocolate pieces in top half of the double-boiler 

Bring water beneath to a boil then reduce to low heat so that it barely simmers.  Stir the chocolate occasionally until it is melted smooth.

In the meantime, bring cream, sugar and butter to a boil over medium heat, stirring slowly but constantly.  Use a flat edge wooden spoon or silicone spatula to scrape bottom and keep it from scorching. 

Once the cream is boiling and the chocolate is melted and smooth, whisk the cream into it until combined.

Add the Grand Marnier and stir it in.

Place the bowl with the mixture into the pan of ice water and whisk lightly until the mixture thickens.  Do not use an electric beater, and don't beat hard as if you're trying to make meringue.  You should get a medium, steady rhythm going because you could be whisking for a while.  Go until the mixture holds its shape, as if whipped cream.  Replace the ice in the bowl beneath if it melts.

When the mixture is fairly stiff and cool, use either the pastry bag or a teaspoon to drop bite-size dollops onto the wax paper.  They don't have to be spaced out very far as they will not expand. 

Cool in the refrigerator until they are set up (could take an hour or two, but you could leave them overnight at this stage).

When they are set, mix the cocoa powder and powdered sugar in a quart size ziplock bag.

Drop a few truffles at a time into the bag and shake gently to coat with the cocoa and sugar.  Remove to a separate bowl or tupperware.

When the truffles are all coated, store in fridge or freezer, sealed. 

Gluten-Free Shopping Guide

Let me begin with the disclaimer that Cecelia's Marketplace has never offered me anything for this review and my only relationship with them is that I purchased their guide and regularly recommend it to others.

If you have gluten sensitivities, I highly recommend the Gluten-Free Shopping Guide from Cecelia's Marketplace.  It really made the difference for us in surviving the transition to gluten-free. 

The Pros:

An amazingly comprehensive list of gluten-free products, with very visible warning symbols on those at risk of cross-contamination because of shared equipment or facilities. 

Includes many store brands, such as Publix, Winn-Dixie, Meijer's, Kroger and Wal-mart.  Instead of being forced to buy specialty food labeled gluten-free we're able to buy most of our groceries in Publix store brand.  Most store brands don't label, but if they're safe, they're in the book.

Includes over-the-counter pharmacy items such as vitamins, pain meds and cold and flu meds. It was a nightmare finding multivitamins and vitamin E that didn't use wheat grass as the E source.  We were paying upwards of $50 a bottle for safe vitamins.  This book helped us find a safe store brand that saved us a bundle. 

Available in versions that list casein and soy-free products

Compact and portable:  We leave it in the glove compartment of the car so that it's available for shopping trips, then it fits in my purse for walking around the store.

Website updates; if information changes between editions, they list the update on their website under "product alerts" so that you can update the guide. This is crucial information as manufacturers sometimes reformulate without allergens in mind.    

We have used the book for a year, and the information has proven very trustworthy.  My partner has a very high gluten sensitivity and has not yet gotten sick from a product listed as safe. 

The Cons:

From using the 2011/2012 version, my biggest complaint is the categorization of products.  Until you get used to their index system it can be difficult to find items.  For instance, there are separate categories for "Chocolate" and "Candy," and what's included in each seems somewhat arbitrary. A second example is that there is no category for, say, "frozen vegetables." You have to look it up under the individual vegetable type, and the medley mixes are scattered between them.  This can make for a good 10 minutes in front of the frozen veggie section of the grocery store flipping back and forth to find out what you can buy.  Also, it can be frustrating to find an item in the index and flip to that page only to find a "see this other category" placeholder.  It would be easier to put that information in the index itself instead of sending the user on a wild goose chase.

I would like to see more imported cheeses listed, but considering the language and regulatory barriers this might be unrealistic.  There are several domestic brands, so I can still find goat cheese and a good feta when I have a craving.  

I would love to see pet foods included.  It doesn't do any good to keep a house gluten-free when pet mouths come into contact with their fur and furniture after eating.  Someone with high sensitivity could absolutely get sick by petting an animal who ate gluten before grooming itself.  Right now we have to be satisfied with reading labels and avoiding food with gluten grains. 

So it isn't perfectly user friendly.  I found that the first shopping trip using the guide took an extra hour for the time spent looking things up, but saved me more than a third of my grocery bill because I was able to buy store brands not explicitly labeled gluten-free.  Once I had a list of favorite products it cut my shopping time back down to normal.  I was able to grab my "usual," which I knew was gluten-free, and only had to reference the book once or twice per trip for specialty items I didn't usually buy. 

In all, though, the guide greatly expanded my ability to shop and freed me from only being able to buy brands that labeled.  I would still keep encouraging companies to label products gluten-free, but this guide gives you the option of independence from the labels.  I have not tested the casein/soy versions, but if they're as reliable as the gluten edition then they'd be a fantastic resource.  While companies are getting better about labeling for gluten, casein isn't even on the radar yet and is casually hidden in all kinds of prepared foods.

Recipe Box: Gluten-Free Lasagna

Gluten-Free Lasagna

This uses zucchini instead of noodles, but you can substitute summer squash or eggplant depending on what's in season.  The salting and roasting of the squash and the cooking down of the sauce reduces the moisture content.  In regular lasagna the noodles absorb a lot of moisture so it can be tricky to keep noodleless versions from being sloppy.   If you still end up with watery lasagna (it will depend on the moisture content of the ricotta and squash) you can use corn starch to thicken sauce before spreading in the lasagna layer.  This will trap some additional moisture during baking. 

Use a high-sided 9x13 pan or two 8x8.  Freezes well either baked or unbaked.  

Ingredients:

4-6 medium size zucchini
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 pound ground beef or Italian sausage
1 chopped medium onion
3 cloves minced garlic
1 24 ounce jar marinara sauce
1 small can tomato paste
1/2 cup diced carrots
1/2 cup red wine
4 cups ricotta cheese
2 large eggs
1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 cups fresh spinach, chopped and lightly packed
1 Tablespoon fresh basil, chopped
2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 teaspoon salt

Directions:

Slice zucchini into thin, wide strips (you do not have to peel first).  Place on a layer of paper (or clean, lint-free) towels on a cookie sheet and salt.  Place another layer of towel over it and weight it with another cookie sheet.  This will draw moisture from the squash.  Leave for at least 1/2 hour, replacing top towel layer if saturated.

In a medium sauce pan, cook the ground sausage or beef until no longer pink. 
Add onion, garlic and carrots and cook until onions are translucent and sausage is browned. 

Add marinara sauce, tomato paste and red wine to mixture.  Simmer uncovered for 20 minutes or until very thick.  Stir occasionally.

Preheat oven to 450 degrees F.

In a medium bowl, mix ricotta cheese, eggs, half the Parmesan, chopped spinach and basil.  set aside.

Rinse the zucchini strips to remove salt and dry on paper towels.  Place on cookie sheet in a single layer and brush top lightly with olive oil.  Roast on top rack for 3 minutes or until just starting to brown.  Flip and roast for an additional 3 minutes or until beginning to brown.  Remove from oven.  Don't worry if they seem dry; they will absolutely absorb plenty of moisture from the lasagna.

Reduce heat to 350 degrees F.   Move rack to center of oven.

Coat baking dish(es) with olive oil. 

Spread a thin layer of sauce in the bottom of the pan. 

Top with a layer of zucchini slices. 

Top with a layer of the ricotta mixture. 

Top with a layer of mozzarella cheese

Repeat until pan is full.  Finish with a layer of sauce, a thicker layer of mozzarella, the remaining Parmesan, and the dried oregano. 

Place finished pans on a cookie sheet or layer of foil for baking; this will catch drips and keep your oven clean. 

Bake at 350 degrees F for 45 minutes or until cheese on top is browned and bubbly. 

Let stand 10-20 minutes before serving to finish firming up.

If you're slicing it up for lunches or freeze-ahead meals, it will be much easier to handle if completely cool or even refrigerated overnight.  The cheese has less of a tendency of escaping and you can cut nice neat tupperware-size squares. 

Recipe Box: Homemade Plum Sauce with Sweet Cherries

Homemade Plum Sauce with Sweet Cherries

This is a great combination of sweet-spicy-sour that has a much more nuanced flavor that the bottled plum sauce or restaurant version.  It’s also a great mid to late-summer dish using seasonal fruit.  The sauce can be made in large batches and refrigerated for at least 1 week, or canned for longer storage. 

The ginger and pepper both add heat, so you can adjust either one to taste.  The ginger adds a pleasant sort of  hot "buzz" while the pepper or chile oil brings a more direct kick to compliment the sweet fruit.  The cherries add tartness to tone down the sweetness of the plums.

Try it as a dipping sauce, a condiment for rice, a sauce for poultry, fish or tofu, or a barbecue glaze (add only in last ten minutes of grilling because the sugars can scorch easily).

First Step:

2 medium very ripe plums, pitted and coarsely chopped

6-8 ripe sweet cherries, pitted and coarsely chopped

½ cup white sugar

¼ cup tightly packed brown sugar

2 cups water

Combine in medium saucepan and stir constantly over medium heat, scraping bottom, until lightly boiling.

Turn down heat and simmer, covered for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally

Uncover and stir for an additional 30 minutes

Second Step :

2 Tablespoons Tamari sauce (can substitute 3 Tablespoons soy sauce)

½ teaspoon powdered ginger or 1 teaspoon fresh minced ginger

½ teaspoon garlic powder or 1 teaspoon fresh minced garlic

1 teaspoon onion powder or 2 teaspoons very finely minced onion

¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes or chili oil (or to taste)

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 tablespoon rice vinegar (can substitute white or apple cider vinegar)

Add all to simmering mixture in saucepan and stir until well combined.  Gently simmer for an additional 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.  If sauce becomes too thick, add a small amount of water to thin.

If the mixture does not thicken on it’s own from the pectin in the fruit, mix 1 tablespoon corn or potato starch with 1 tablespoon cold water in a separate container.  Stir sauce while adding starch/water mix and simmer, stirring, until just thinner than you’d like.  Remove from heat (it will thicken further as it cools.)

Chicken and Rice in Plum Sauce

If you’ve made the plum sauce ahead of time, this is a great potluck contribution or meal for 4 that can be put together in about 30 minutes.  You can substitute grilled tofu for the chicken if you prefer a vegan option.

Brown 8 ounces of chicken until cooked through.  Shred with forks. 

Cook 4 cups of rice (2 cups raw rice, 2 cups water) in separate pot according to package directions

Combine the shredded chicken, cooked rice and 1-2 cups plum sauce in small crock pot.  Set on low to keep warm or serve immediately.

Learn How to Fail

Take a look around at our culture’s media, and one of the many themes that emerges is that failure is the worst thing that can happen to you.  Celebrity mis-steps are made headlines;  fictional relationships explode over a single lapse in judgement; competitions are all or nothing. 

It is no wonder that mistakes and failures, large and small, serve as a considerable roadblock to our self-esteem.  We are programmed to beat ourselves up for small imperfections, agonize forever over a single social gaffe, and assume every single negative thing in our lives is the fault of our imperfections.

In self-acceptance it is vitally important to learn how to fail.  Every single human, no matter how successful or famous, makes mistakes.  It is what we do with our mistakes that defines us as a person and determines how we feel about ourselves.

Step 1:  Admit It

Admit that you made a mistake, both to yourself and anyone else affected.  You get bonus points for admitting your mistake as soon as you realize it exists, rather than waiting to see if it passes unnoticed or letting someone else take the fall.  You also get kudos for admitting your mistake without getting angry or resentful toward either yourself or others. 

The  point here is to accept how things are right now, in this time and place.  If you deny your mistakes, you are stuck in the past; you cannot learn from them or correct their effect.  You cannot give yourself a chance to really make it right and feel the associated boost in self-esteem of knowing you have handled something difficult with grace and dignity.

Step 2:  Apologize

Many people have it stuck in their head that any conflict should be treated like a game of chicken.  The first person to “back down” by apologizing loses the game (along with social status).  In reality, people tend to have much more respect for someone who can easily admit when they’re wrong.  After all, only a person who already has high status can afford to risk it by apologizing.   The people who can’t back down are those who fear any loss of status, which comes across to others as if they have very little to begin with. 

So apologize.  This is a separate step from the first one, so simply saying “I made a mistake” does not count as an apology (although it’s a good lead-in).  The best apology is simple; “I apologize” or “I’m sorry”.  Also, mean it (even if you have to think about it for a while first). 

Step 4:  Make Amends

When your mistake adversely affects someone (including you), it is important to make a sincere effort at amends.  This doesn’t have to be on an eye for an eye basis, but it should show some tangible willingness to compensate.  If you wreck someone’s car, there is no reasonable expectation that you will buy them another (unless you can easily afford it).  A reasonable effort at making amends could be volunteering to drive them to important appointments, paying for the tow truck or insurance deductible if you can afford it, or even offering to cook them dinner or clean their house since they may have less free time or money because of the accident.  In other words, make it relevant, thoughtful and timely. 

Don’t  make it about you.  If they really don’t want you to cook for them, showing up on their doorstep with endless casseroles is not helping them.  It is only serving you make you feel better.  Find out what they actually need and what they might appreciate.  Part of the thoughtful effort is a consideration of how they feel and what they need. 

Remember that you need to make amends to yourself as well.  If you are beating yourself up for a private mistake, do something meaningful to cheer yourself up.  If you’ve slipped into body-bashing, take a few minutes to repeat some affirmations, experience movement, or something else constructive towards self-acceptance. 

Step 3:  Learn From It

Mistakes are not indelible.  You can make a serious dent in your self-esteem by dwelling on past mistakes.  Like any other negative thing in life, mistakes may require some closure to put behind you.

This doesn’t mean brushing off mistakes so that you repeat them indefinitely.  It may mean considering ways to avoid similar mistakes in the future (if possible).  It may mean practicing something in more detail.  It may simply be considered an opportunity to handle it well after the fact. 

It also doesn’t mean that you should beat yourself up twice as hard if you make the same mistake again.  A repeat may mean you need to pay closer attention at how to prevent the mistake, but it isn’t a sign of personal weakness.  Successful business owners often fail at several ventures before they find their niche.  Successful athletes fail at something many times before they perfect it.  When I was learning to ride, I was told I wasn’t a “real” horseperson until I’d hit the ground (unintentionally) at least twenty times.  Mistakes happen.  Each one is an opportunity, not a final judgement. 

So be willing to fail.  You can not only mitigate its negative effects in your life, but also turn it into a constructive experience that boosts your self-esteem and personal growth. 

Here are the steps in action:

Out loud to someone affected by the mistake, or internally if only you are affected:

“I made a mistake.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Is there any way I can make it up to you?  Would you let me do (XYZ)?”

Then, internally:

Is there any way I could have avoided making this mistake? 

What could I do differently next time? 

Did I handle this well?  How could I have done better?

What did I learn about myself or the process?

Most Importantly:

I forgive myself. 

I am proud of myself for what I did right in handling this mistake. 

Pecan-crusted chicken strips (gluten-free)

Pecan-crusted chicken strips

Ingredients:

2 large chicken breasts (less than 2lbs total)
1 cup pecan meal (you can crush pecan halves in the blender or food processor if you don't have meal; process until coarse crumbs)
3 tablespoons cornstarch or potato starch
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 tablespoon finely chopped fresh parsley
pinch black pepper
1 egg
2 tablespoons water
3 tablespoons vegetable oil (+ as needed)

Instructions:

Pound chicken breasts until less than 1" thick and cut into strips. Pat dry with paper towels.
Heat vegetable oil in large skillet over medium heat
Whisk egg and water together in a bowl
Mix other ingredients thoroughly in a separate bowl to make pecan coating, making sure starch is evenly mixed in and there are no lumps
Dip each strip of chicken in the egg/water mixture, then immediately dredge in pecan coating.
Place coated strips in heated skilled.
Cook for approximately 5 minutes, then flip and cook for an additional 6 minutes.
If making multiple batches, scrape debris out of skillet and refresh oil between batches.
Excellent for a salad topping or alone with dipping sauces.

Whatever Happened to Regina Benjamin?

Remember Regina Benjamin?

In 2009, a black woman was nominated as Surgeon General.  She was a highly qualified candidate for the post.  She ran a clinic in a poor town in Alabama and campaigned for health access for the poor.  She's been awarded the Nelson Mandela Award for Health and Human Rights (1998) and was the first person under 40 to be appointed to the board of the AMA (as well as the first black woman!). She's an activist, an environmentalist, and a humanitarian by all accounts. She's a supporter of reproductive rights for women (despite being Catholic) and has reportedly worked to encourage medical schools to include abortion training that helps new doctors understand all the ramifications of the surgery.


She's also the Surgeon General of the United States.  Why don't we ever hear about it? 

When she was first nominated, there was a public freak-storm about the fact that she was a short, heavy black woman.  Even though she was a powerful force for public health equality for the poor, a highly qualified medical candidate, and an extremely active woman who did backpack treks in Costa Rica, women in our country are held to such a strict appearance standard that her nomination was delayed, then quietly slipped through, and we haven't really heard from the office since. 

So now we have a quiet surgeon general.  Is this because the administration wanted to avoid the weight debate?  Did she?  Is the cliche'd "Obesity Crisis" section on the SG website a result of the administration's decision or her own?  Why do we continue to have Newsweek coverage of women like Palin, while a real role-model for women has disappeared into the media abyss? 

Regina Benjamin was taught, by a storm of public opinion, that women in power need to either meet the aesthetic trend of the day, or STFU. No one questioned George W. Bush's BMI when he was campaigning, or whether having an overweight president would set a "bad example." Regina Benjamin, however, is a short black woman, and that makes all the difference when people are looking for an excuse.

We have a woman in a position to be a spokesperson to the U.S. on matters of health.  A woman who was quoted as saying, "You can be healthy and fit at different sizes. The real message is that you don't want to limit yourself by your dress size."

This is a message in need of a spotlight. 

The Midnight Train to Georgia...

It's official!  JD and I are moving to Atlanta in July of this year.  It'll be really exciting to be in a whole new place, and very stressful that it's all happening last minute and I learned about it in the middle of finals week.  I can't wait to see the billboard project first hand. 

Any FA (or other) advice or resources for Atlanta?  We hopefully want to settle where we can easily get to the Georgia Tech campus, but I hear the public transit is pretty good. 

Why I'm Not Renewing my NPR Membership

Dear NPR:

I am a long-time listener.  Last year I became a member for the first time.  This year I will not be renewing my membership.

This was a difficult decision for me because I love 90% of NPR programming.  It is thoughtful, insightful and entertaining, and I don't listen to any other radio station.

But in the last year, I have seen an alarming downhill trend in the quality of fact-checking in your stories regarding obesity, and a distinct slant against fat people in your health reporting.

Recently there has been a lot of media attention on obesity because it is a currently popular trend.  Many studies are pouring out of universities with poor methodology and low statistical significance, but if they attach the magic word "obesity" to the study they are not only funded, but seized upon as confirmation by the media. 

The most recent example, and the one that cemented the decision for me to cancel my membership, was the report linking autism and obesity.  The "health reporter" who took this up clearly knows nothing about science.  He did not consider the extremely shaky methodology (i.e. conflating three distinct bodily and metabolic states with no separate controls that would rule out specific factors, relatively small sample size, dubious self-report methods that relied entirely on the mother's memory of their health from the years before their child's birth, and failure to establish a causal relationship).  Instead, the reporter himself discussed the results as if the two metabolic conditions were interchangeable with high body weight (not true) and over-simplified the findings to, essentially, that fat women are more likely to have autistic children.

Anyone with basic college level science courses and some analytical thinking could have seen that this was not worth reporting on. 

A previous report on the new weight-loss drug pending approval from the F.D.A. suggested that the extremely dangerous side effects of the drug were fully justified by a temporary 10 pound weight loss. 

Another report spoke about how partial stomach amputation or constriction could cure diabetes (without doing the basic research that would have told the reporter that the metabolic effects of weight loss surgery are temporary, and usually return by the 5th year.)  His source was a weight-loss surgeon who makes a living by convincing people to do the procedure.

This poor reporting on health doesn't just misinform the public.  It actively hurts people.  Fat people are already facing severe health and social discrimination due to their weight.  For many personal stories of medical discrimination against fat people, see the blog "First Do No Harm"  (http://fathealth.wordpress.com/) because it expresses the problem better than statistics could.  Fat people are denied jobs, housing, health care, and have even had their children taken from the home. 

When you report a flimsy college study that claims fat women produce autistic children, it is one more excuse for insurance companies to deny coverage, fertility clinics to deny treatment, and doctors to blame the mother for a primarily hereditary disease.  NPR has such a reputation for fair, quality reporting that the harm you do with faulty reporting is greater than you would think.  People accept what you say, and that means they accept that fat people like me are inherently sick, damaged and less than human, simply because our bodies are not shaped like the cultural ideal.

Thank you for your time, and I hope that if the quality of your health reporting does improve, and I feel that I can safely listen without being repeatedly told that I am a disease to be cured, I will become a supporter again.

Series: Self Esteem Sneak Attacks (Part 4)

There are some attacks on our body image and self-esteem that are so subtle that they generally affect us without us even being aware of them.  They act as invisible weights to drag us down when we're fighting hard to stay up.  Being aware of them is the first step to defending against them, because if we are processing something consciously we have much more control over how it affects us. The series begins here on 3/28/12.
 
Today's Sneak Attack: The Insult by Proxy
 
We've all been in a situation where someone (whether a friend or someone in the media) mocks the weight of someone thinner than you.  The inevitable thought that pops up for me is, "if they think so badly of that person, what must they think about ME?"
 
We've also all shared the experience of someone complaining about a body feature you share, or tells a joke where the butt of the joke shares attributes with you.
 
Most of us have also had that moment where we're hanging out with friends or at a party and get trapped in an "uglier than thou" contest, where each person tries to outdo the other in trash talking some part of their body that they find unacceptable.
 
A lot of our learning comes from imitating others.  This starts in infancy with something called "gaze following," where a baby looks in the same direction as adults to learn how to discern what is important.  It's an essential element of language acquisition. 
 
Another important element of learning is called "modeling," which says that we learn a lot about how to act, dress, think and speak by observing how others do so.  This means that when the people around us think badly of themselves and their bodies, we experience an intense, hard-wired, instinctive urge to imitate them.
 
The good news is that instincts can be overcome by conscious thought and practice.  When we feel that tell-tale sense of doubt that means we want to conform to other peoples' poor body image, it is important to intervene.  Try one or all of these affirmations:
 
I don't have to own someone else's problems with their body
I can feel sorry for someone who thinks so badly about themselves.
My body is all right, and so is their's.  They just don't know it.
This person is trained to think that way about themselves.  I don't have to follow.
They're wrong about me and my body.
My body is fine the way it is. 
I can sympathize with their pain without making it mine.
 
If you can, remove yourself from the company or influence of the person who is creating negativity for you.  You don't have to make a big deal about it, but you get to decide what threats to your own self-esteem you can handle.  I have days where I have to say, "I am feeling tired and emotionally vulnerable; I can't be around this person without it affecting me negatively." On other days it doesn't bother me.  I have to do what's best for me, and avoid what negativity I can on vulnerable days.  I have to set that boundary for myself.
 
There is a philosophical analogy known as "Plato's Cave" that applies here.  Imagine a group of people who live their entire lives chained inside a cave, facing a blank wall.  They only see vague shadows and develop theories of what things look like and are based on the shadows (their only perception of reality).  One day a prisoner escapes the cave and goes out into the world.  He suddenly learns that things are not made of shadows and there is an entire reality unperceived by those in the cave.
 
One version has the prisoner return to the cave and try to explain what he has seen to the other prisoners.  They, of course, dismiss him as delusional. After all, they've known nothing but shadows all their lives; of course that's all there is. 
 
We spend our entire lives immersed in a culture of body dissatisfaction that medicalizes differences in how we're made and treats us as diseases.  Those who have never been introduced to body acceptance concepts are still in the cave.  They have an entirely different view of the world to the point where they may not even be able to understand what you're saying.   
 
From this perspective, you can understand and empathize with them.  Of course they think badly of their body; that's how it's done and it's all they've ever known.  You, however, know differently.  They may see you as a radical (or even delusional) because you are breaking away into a new paradigm, but that doesn't make them right.  It makes them not in posession of all the facts. 
 
The fact is that despite our instinctive urges to conform to society's body and fat hatred, we have the cognitive ability to override those instincts. We can choose to reject people with body issues as models for our own thoughts and behaviors.  We can choose to not own other peoples' dissatisfaction and be only accountable to ourselves. 
 
Your body, your choice.

Series: Self Esteem Sneak Attacks (Part 3)

There are some attacks on our body image and self-esteem that are so subtle that they generally affect us without us even being aware of them.  They act as invisible weights to drag us down when we're fighting hard to stay up.  Being aware of them is the first step to defending against them, because if we are processing something consciously we have much more control over how it affects us. The series begins here on 3/28/12.

Today's Sneak Attack:  The "Success" Story

An interesting study showed that the majority of people who viewed pro-ana websites (websites that promote anorexia) restricted how much they ate, with no conscious awareness of doing so, for days to weeks afterwards. When a person in the office loses weight, their co-workers are more likely to experience negative body image issues and depressed mood, even if the same coworker has lost and re-gained the weight before. When a person gets plastic surgery, the friends and family members of the same gender experience increased negative body image.

The world is full of so-called success stories. Generally it's someone who has made a significant physical or financial change in their lives, and sometimes it's an entirely fictional account made up for advertising. Shows like "The Biggest Loser," "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and "Clean House" promote the idea that quick, significant change is not only possible, but can make you into a different person.

Watch out for two things; the "results not typical" disclaimer, and the lack of follow-up. Clean House can take a hoarder's home and restore it to pristine calm in a week. What they don't tell you is that the hoarder then undergoes intensive, long-term cognitive-behavioral therapy to deal with the underlying issue, and often relapses once the cameras are gone. Weight Watchers can flash a celebrity on their commercial, but that celebrity lost weight with the help of extensive wealth, access to personal chefs and trainers, and hours of daily free time to devote to exercise. Do you see the "results not typical" disclaimer at the bottom of the screen? It's in tiny print. What it means is that Weight Watchers has a long-term (i.e. 5 years) success rate of around one twentieth of one percent.

These stories are beguiling. We WANT to believe that instant, long-lasting personal change is possible with little effort. We WANT to believe it is possible to change our insides by changing our outsides. So when we see the smiling poster child, we get down on ourselves for not doing it just like them.

In reality, some change is possible. You may never look like a 16 year old supermodel or an anime figure. You can, however, change your mind. You can look at a "success" story and say to yourself, I can have that happiness without the superficials. I can give myself permission to change inside without waiting to first change outside.

Series: Self Esteem Sneak Attacks (Part 2)

There are some attacks on our body image and self-esteem that are so subtle that they generally affect us without us even being aware of them.  They act as invisible weights to drag us down when we're fighting hard to stay up.  Being aware of them is the first step to defending against them, because if we are processing something consciously we have much more control over how it affects us.  The series begins here on 3/28/12.

Today's Sneak Attack:  The Back-Handed Compliment

We've all gotten this before, and it is a verbal attack. Some examples:
"You look so much better in makeup!"
"You would look much younger with that hair color."
"You're so brave to eat like that in public!"
"I wish I could just let myself go, you look so comfortable."
"That suit jacket is really slimming!"
The worst, in my experience is the ubiquitous "You look great, have you lost weight?"

These are phrased as compliments, with all the nonverbal cues that can trick you into thinking that the person is being nice. In fact, the implication of the backhanded compliment is always insulting. It often takes the form of "You have always looked/dressed terrible, which is why I'm so suprised to see you looking presentable on this one occasion (with the implication that it's a fluke). By acting surprised, I am reminding you that I think you generally look terrible."

The ones that presume some change assume that you were fully aware of how terrible you used to look and would naturally want to make some drastic change to your appearance: "You look great, did you change your hair/lose weight/shave differently/start working out". This is even worse when you haven't actually lost weight/changed your hair/started working out. It then implies that you really need to do these things in order to be acceptable.

Because of the confusing nonverbal cues, your brain may not throw up defenses against the insulting implications of the back-handed compliment and they will creep into your self-image. When you hear a compliment that refers negatively to your body in any way (past, present or future) or assumes changes, treat it with the suspicion it deserves. Take a second to really unpack it and respond appropriately. The person may not even be aware that they are really insulting you; they may be expressing some subconscious criticism of themselves and putting it on you.

You can accept the parts of it that actually are complimentary (I look great, these clothes fit me well, I must be feeling confident today and people are noticing).  Consciously affirm these elements and reject/refuse to own the rest.  If you look and feel good right now, the critical elements of what that person said can just roll off you. 

They may also be playing a social game of persecution. They give you a back-handed compliment, you take umbrage at the subtext, they deny the subtext and get to be angry that you're "too sensitive" or "reading things into" what they didn't say. Their anger and feeling of martyrdom when they're "just trying to be nice" is an emotional stimulus for them that reinforces both their self image and their opinion of others.


In this classic mind game, the only winning move is not to play.* Deny them the stimulus and reinforcement they're looking for.  Respond "thank you," and walk away or change the subject.  You are blocking their attempts to make you play, and that makes you the winner in this exchange.  If they want to keep attacking, make them do so openly where you can legitimately defend yourself.

*Bonus points to anyone who read that last bit in the little tinny computer voice from Wargames.

Series: Self Esteem Sneak Attacks

A comment yesterday inspired me to do a blog series on the very subtle attacks on your self-esteem and body image that you encounter every day.  These attacks are so subtle that they generally affect us without us even being aware of them.  They act as invisible weights to drag us down when we're fighting hard to stay up.  Being aware of them is the first step to defending against them, because if we are processing something consciously we have much more control over how it affects us.

Today's Sneak Attack:  The Poison Image

Studies show that people of all genders score significantly worse on body image and self-esteem markers after viewing a fashion magazine aimed at their gender for as little as thirty minutes. They're often not even aware of the change, but express more negative comparisons between their body and the bodies in the pictures, exhibit depressed mood, and increase negative thinking.

The images in these magazines aren't real. The bodies represented are generally 2% or less of the population to begin with, then are digitally edited to alter their size, shape, bone structure, skin clarity and texture, hair, and teeth. In fact one company got so tired searching for the "perfect" body that they created a computer generated image of what they saw as the perfect body for their clothes and use different models' faces on the same body in the catalog.

The easy solution is to avoid fashion magazines, especially those that use idealized, trendy, altered images. Read magazines that involve your interests or hobbies instead. If you're shopping for plus-size clothes, give preference (or at least equal time) to the lines that use plus-size models to show them. 

If you must have your Vogue or GQ, try to be aware of the effect it has on your self-esteem. Stop and affirm to yourself that these aren't real images and that you are okay as you are.  Check in with your emotional state, and if it is starting to drop, put the magazine down and do something affirming and/or creative for a little while.  Flip through some Adipositivity pics to balance the effect. 

Check in with yourself also when watching television.  Many shows depict only the 2% of men and women that match the currently fashionable body types, and/or have characters that constantly reinforce poor body image or fatphobia.  Is the rest of the show really worth it to you?  If so, then make sure your guard is up against the toxic elements of it.

Stop and Admire the View

There’s a term in the field of psychology called disavowal, which means that you know something – but at the same time, you don’t let yourself know that you know it. In other words, you disavow the thing that’s too hard to consciously acknowledge.

I see this frequently when it comes to body acceptance. It is almost a distinct stage. Once you come to terms with the idea that body acceptance is a good thing, you become stuck on the idea that it is only a good thing for other people. You strongly believe that your friends, family and everyone else you care about should love and accept their bodies as strong, beautiful and just right how they are. But when it comes to your own body, somehow, it's different. There has to be some fundamental flaw that makes your body not okay, even if it's the only body in the world that isn't.

Let me just tell you, and ask you to repeat to yourself over and over again: There is nothing different about your body. You are not an exception. You deserve to love yourself every single bit as much as your friends and family deserve to love themselves, right now, just as you are.

Disavowal is a tough thing to work through because it involves shifting your own paradigm. Your brain and body like things how they are. It's called homeostasis. It's why you return to the same weight range if you try to stray too far out of it. It's why we cling to old ideas far more tenaciously than we embrace new ones. Change translates to stress in our physical bodies, because they must physically adapt to new ideas and circumstances.

It's also hard to outsmart yourself. Sometimes it's beneficial to "fake it 'till you make it," and see if it becomes a part of you after a while. Sometimes you just have to take the tiny voices firmly in hand and make that leap, which is only possible if circumstances are just right.

But, importantly, you are not alone if you are in this phase of FA. I have met very few people who were not where you are at some point in their journey. It is okay to be where you are. It is okay to stop and take a breather and re-assess where you are.

I can get into a pattern where I am driving myself so hard that I never stop to count accomplishments. I fall into scarcity thinking where I feel that if I lose momentum I will never get going again. But while I can't quite shake this belief in the moment (disavowal again) I inevitably find it to be false when I trust myself enough to stop. That's when I find that the mountain doesn't look so high from halfway up, and the view is already pretty good.

So let yourself be where you are on your journey to self-acceptance. Count your accomplishments so far, and enjoy the view. Later, you can take a deep breath and decide the next step from a less pressured position. In the meantime, you may find that you like yourself a little bit more for the steps you've already taken.

Recipe Box: Rosemary Balsamic Roast

Recipe is for about four smallish dinner-size servings of meat and potatoes.  It goes beautifully with a strongly flavored salad, like field greens with blue cheese. 

Ingredients:
approx. 12 ounces of beef (I used 2 6oz sizzler steaks and they came out beautifully)

1 sweet potato, peeled and cut into 1/2" cubes
1 large yellow potato (or 2 red) cut into 1/2" cubes
1 small yellow onion, diced
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
1 tablespoon whole dried rosemary leaves
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
1/2 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
pinch salt
pinch pepper
  2 tablespoons water

mix together all ingredients except beef and and arrange around meat in a roaster pan.  Bake, covered, for 1 hour, 30 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Check after one hour and stir potatoes/add water as needed.

Done when potatoes are fork-tender. 

Some variations you could try include adding chopped leeks or artichoke hearts to the mix, substituting tofu or chicken, or play against the sweetness of the potatoes with a teaspoon of honey and some chopped walnuts or pecans.

Giving Yourself Permission

I'm re-visiting the Fantasy of Being Thin with some friends right now, and thinking about when I gave up the one fantasy I had used as an excuse to hate my body.  When discussing this new round of examining all the people we would be if our bodies were different, JD used a key phrase that really stuck with me.  He said that you have to give yourself permission to be the person you want to be. 

He's right.  Right down inside all the fantasies is the idea that we have to conform to someone else's idea of perfect before we're "allowed" to live.  But there isn't an actual fashion police keeping me from baring my arms.  I don't have to ask permission from my friends to be confident.  Attractiveness isn't something given to you by others.

The year I blogged about my wild summer of giving up the "acceptable fatty" paradigm, I felt like I was really daring the disapproval of others by wearing tank tops and not covering up at the beach.  In retrospect, I realized that other peoples' disapproval wasn't really my problem.  They had no authority to tell me what was and wasn't okay to put on my body or show the world.  I was the only one who had that authority.  So what I was daring was my own disapproval.  What I was doing was giving myself permission.

Make a list of your fantasies...you know, the whole "when I am thin (or strong, or in less pain, etc.) I will be or do......" list.    How many of those things could you have right now, in the body you're in, if you give yourself permission?  Could you flirt more?  Dress differently?  Feel good about yourself?  Do more?  Do less?  How much of your fantasy is just you making your permission contingent on your weight or other physical attributes?  What is really stopping you from giving yourself permission right now, instead of in some hypothetical future body?

SAAS: Sewing At Every Size -- Circle Skirts

This is my SAAS (Sewing at Any Size) series on basic clothes that can be made for any size body without a commercial pattern. For other entries in the series, you can click on the Sewing topic in the sidebar category list.


As this may eventually become a book, please do not reprint or republish anywhere. You are welcome to copy/print/save for your own personal use.


The Circle Skirt

I have been slowly converting my wardrobe to a 1950's theme, with classic, tailored looks including the pencil skirt and the circle skirt.

The extreme example of a circle skirt is the Poodle, but they don't have to be that costumy.  I love the clean A-line swish of the classic cut, but knee-length can be adorable for summer. 

A circle skirt is right up there with the gored or pencil skirt for the easiest thing to make. 

But first, the math.

You need the following measurements:

Your waist circumference
The length you want your skirt to fall from the waist

Yeah...that's it.  But of course in an evil bait and switch, you also need the radius of your waist circumference (i.e. half the diameter of the circle).  For a "close enough" measure, you can divide your waist circumference by 6.28.  If you had geometry in school and want to be more precise, go to it.  Otherwise you can enter your waist circumference here to have the radius calculated for you.

Add the waist radius to the length you want your skirt.  If the total is less than 22 inches, you can buy standard-width fabric.  If the total is between 22 and 30 inches, you can buy 60 inch width fabric.  If your fabric has a pattern that must be a certain way "up", you'll need to use the more complicated cutting pattern below.  Remember that you'll be adding a waistband and hem, so you can fudge about 1.5 inches. 

If you wonder whether you can do this with your waist size, do up the math before you worry.  Remember that the radius of your waist is MUCH less than your waist size (circumference). For instance, if you have a 50 inch waist, you can still make a 50" long finished skirt with 60" fabric.  For every additional 6 inches around your waist, subtract about 1 inch from your maximum skirt length.

Simple Cutting Pattern

(For those who can work with the 45" and 60" methods.)

We'll call the waist radius plus length of skirt measurement (A).

Take a length of fabric TWICE (A) long.  Flatten it out and fold it in half lengthwise (i.e. bringing cut ends together) with right sides together.  Then fold it in half the other direction.  You should have 1/4 of the fabric with one corner containing a double fold and no raw edges.

We're drawing curves, so unless you're a pretty steady hand your best method is to create your own compass.  Use a nail, heavy weight, corner of a table, etc as one end.  Tie a piece of non-stretchy string around it at least long enough to stretch to measurement (A) plus several inches. 

Put the double-fold corner of your fabric against the point you tied the string.  From that corner, measure out the waist radius you obtain earlier.  Pull the string taut to that point, and hold a pencil or piece of chalk with the string.  As you move the chalk or pencil towards either edge of the fabric, the string will force it into a curve.  You should now have 1/4 of an even circle marked on the fabric. 

From the same corner, measure out (A), which should give you the length of the finished hem.  Using the same technique with the string and chalk or pencil, draw another curve at this distance.  When you're done, the mark should be the same length from the point along both edges of the fabric.

Now, without unfolding the fabric, cut along both curves.  When you unfold the fabric, you should have a doughnut shape. 

Complex Cutting Pattern

For those who are using a fabric with a pattern that must go in a certain direction.

Using craft paper, an old bedsheet, etc, trace a square that is measurement (A) on all four sides.

Follow the tracing and cutting directions above to create a single, 1/4 slice of the doughnut. 

Trace the slice onto the wrong side of your fabric four times, and cut out each slice.

Stitch the slices together to create your full doughnut. 

 

Finishing the Skirt

Add a waistband to the inside of the doughnut following directions in the post on a
gored/paneled skirt HERE. 

Once you have a waistband, try on the skirt.  Your body shape will affect the hemline, so note if it's too long.

If it falls just right, then make a narrow hem or use binding to finish the edge without changing length. 

If it's too long, mark the point where it needs to be trimmed to, leaving 1/2 inch for a hem.  Cut  to the mark (you may want to fold the skirt in 1/4's and re-do a smooth curve as before) and hem, or leave off the hem allowance and use binding to finish the edge (recommended for stretchy fabric).

Adding some Body

For the classic full, poodle look, add some petticoats underneath, or several slips.  You can make a very simple filler with cheap netting:

Take a length of elastic that fits your waist securely but not uncomfortably tight.  Knot or stitch the ends together to make a loop. 

Cut netting into 2" strips twice the length of your skirt.

Fold each strip in half.  Set the loop of the fold (a.k.a. the bight) under the elastic, then bring the tails over the elastic, through the loop, and tighten.  This is called a lark's head knot, and anyone who has done latch hook will recognize it. 

Pull the tails tight.  Continue tying strips in lark's head knots next to each other around the elastic loop.

If you do very short strips, this looks like a tutu.  If you do longer strips, it will fill out a circle skirt pretty nicely. 

If you want to get some twirling action with the circle skirt, you can get a more finished look by simply repeating the instructions on a silky fabric or tulle to make a second skirt.  The extra layer gives you some fill, and when it flares out you get a flash of color.

How to let yourself intersect

Intersectionality was originally put forth as a feminist concept, but has since spread to many other sociological arenas.  Essentially, it says that none of us live any part of our lives in a vacuum.  When we talk about fat discrimination, our gender, race, height, coloring, socioeconomic level, immigrant status, and a million other aspects of ourselves affect both the discrimination and our reaction to it.  A fat gamer has a different experience of discrimination than a fat lawyer, who has a different experience than a fat mother. 

One thing I see most people do if they are part of a subculture or non-mainstream identity is to segregate each aspect of their experience and create entirely separate lives for each one.  I am a different person when I am a gamer.  I have a specific set of gamer friends, a specific vocabulary, and a specific demeanor that comes out when I am gaming or around just gamers.  Erving Goffman and other theorists within the dramaturgical perspective would say that I have a specific gamer "mask" that I wear when I am in that environment.

A sociological mask is very different from what people call "posing."  This isn't attempting to act like someone else in order to fit in.  My gamer mask is ME.  It is an essential part of myself, with certain attributes that are emphasized and others that are de-emphasized.  For instance, I swear more.  I don't avoid swearing normally, but for some reason dice bring out the F-bombs in me.  And the aggression. You have masks of your own, unless you are extremely unusual, have certain developmental or personality disorders, or experience poor audience awareness like that which comes with the Autism spectrum.  You probably behave differently at work than at a party with friends, or with your grandparents.  You are still you, but you have adapted to your social environment.

One of the effects of this is that I keep different parts of my life separate.  If I have a party and invite both gamer friends and co-workers, I will have an internal conflict as to which mask I am in. So I don't.  I don't talk about work around my Pagan friends.  I don't talk about gaming at work. 

And here's the important bit:  I don't talk about FA much in either place, beyond "not interested in hearing about your diet" comments.   

But I am still fat at a game, at work, and at a festival. 

FA is applicable.  I just don't always overcome the barriers to talking about it.  Maybe I don't want to be seen as the "oversensitive, aggressively politically correct activist."  After all, many of the groups I'm in are not exactly socially aware and it's easy to come across as overly strident.  Maybe I just feel it is too personal.  But every now and then, something happens to remind me that it's not always personal.  Every circle of friends has people who are miserably uncomfortable in their own bodies because they have internalized hateful messages. 

So, if you're looking for a way to become more of an activist (and no one is obligated to do so), why not look close to home?  Could you start a forum or Yahoo Group for body acceptance geared specifically towards your spiritual group and invite your friends?  Could you start something for people with common interests?  Wouldn't it be cool to see an FA tattoo group called "Fat Ink"?  How about a motorcycle group called "Big Wheels"?  How about a Pagan HAES cooking group called "Magically Delicious"?  Of course these are somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but you get the point.  More and more, our society is fragmenting into very specific interest groups with the power of sheer numbers on the internet to provide specific community within those groups. 

By reaching out to people who have very specific interests, you can really target your message to them.  If you have a Christian FA group, you can talk about FA in the language of Christianity (i.e. God's love for bodies and how we should love the bodies he created for us).  If you have a Pagan FA group, you can talk about FA in the language of Paganism (i.e. appreciating your body as a spiritual warrior, nurturing it as a healer, loving the strength and pleasure it gives you to experience the world.)  If you have a crafter's FA group, you can talk about altering or creating sewing patterns for people of size, or body acceptance issues in scrapbooking (i.e. dare to be in the picture!!)  You don't have to worry about alienating others by using language specific to your identity, because others in that forum share that identity. 

Here are some specific tips for starting a topic-specific FA group or thre

1.  Don't hijack existing forums.  This is important, because going into a "Dieting Vikings" forum and preaching FA is called trolling.  Create your own forum.  If you don't want to run a full forum, ask an existing group owner if you can either start a thread or send an invite for a face-to-face meeting group with like interests. 

2.  Check for interest first.  Just send a shout-out:  "Would anyone here be interested in a (thread, forum, meeting group) to talk about body acceptance and size diversity within our community?"  I did that in a local forum and got over a dozen enthusiastic responses (and no trolls).   

3.  The best part of starting in new territory is that none of it has been said before!  You can go through archives of any FA blog and find discussion topics.  Ask blog owners for permission to print copies of posts (or link to them) for reading and discussion.  Re-visit the topics that are well covered in the Fatosphere but entirely new to this group.  What a fantastic opportunity to start fresh!

4.  You don't have to be an expert to start a group.  Let people know that this is something you're just getting into and ask if anyone wants to explore it with you.  Sometimes it's even less intimidating for them that you're all new together. 

So let FA intersect with other parts of you and your life, if you feel safe doing so.  I think you'd be surprised at how relevant it really is.