Thursday Fluff: Things that made me laugh this week

Because I've been struggling with a lot of introspection this week without being able to narrow down the huge conflicting mass of feminism and body image and female identity into a single (or even a few seperate) blog posts, here are things that made me laugh this week. Sure, sometimes the chuckle was a little darker than at others. But hey, if I'm laughing, I'm not screaming in outrage :-)

P.S. Thanks to everyone who posted on yesterday's thread on men in Fat Acceptance! Some blogs I missed and some very interesting ideas were posted in the comments.


1. A shoe designer has decided that Barbie's ankles are too fat. Seriously.

2. Our taxes paid for a federal study showing that fat people are responsible for the decline of the mitten industry. (yes, I thought it was from the Onion too, but apparently they're serious.)

3. A woman at work got all excited when she received shoes that claimed to help you lose weight by virtue of the toes being stacked higher than the heels. She said it was like walking uphill all day. I told her it sounded like a recipe for Plantar fasciitis and the lame marketing equivelent of the weather rock. She was offended, which is always fun.

4. In a related lol, Atchka posted a clip from an infomercial for the Hawaii Chair, which moved the seat around so that you were forced to do the hula while you were sitting at your desk. I had to re-play it twice, and again for JD. We speculated whether it was the perfect gift for a draftsman who wanted to destroy his competition, or simply had a lot of potential for wild sex. As of this morning, I still can't get the theme song out of my head.

5. At work, a stray conversation about whether our governor wants us to secede to Canada made me realize that the french pronnounciation for Detroit (Day-Twa) is almost indistinguishable (at least to ignorant American ears) from the very rude french slang phrase for "Shut Up". (pronnounced Tay-Twa). Coincidence? Nah.

6. JD forwarded me this link about the "shrinky-dink" epic photoshop fail by Ralph Lauren, RL's subsequent attempt to do damage control by sending DMCA legal threats to every blog that picked up on the mocking potential, and BoingBoing's awesome STFU response that shoved fair-use-doctrine down their throats.
As JD said, Ralph Lauren v. Free Speech ---> Score: Free speech 1, Ralph 0

7. From a collegehumor.com article JD's physics professor had taped to his office door, if you want to avoid the flu this season, avoid opening doors using your mouth. Boy I'll have to watch that one....

8. The state of Michigan, in an effort to purge old felonies from the record books, no longer explicitly outlaws dueling. From the AP article: "Republican Sen. Bruce Patterson of Wayne County's Canton Township jokingly asked if it was wise to lift the specific ban on dueling, given the animosity inside the Capitol at present over resolving a $2.8 billion budget deficit. Much of state government is running on a one-month budget because of the standstill. Morse replied in jest that if lawmakers had pistol duels, the state could 'reserve Spartan Stadium and you could sell some tickets.'"

Come to think of it, it would be one of the only Michigan sporting events that COULD still sell tickets.

Anyone else have funnies?

Men in Fat Acceptance

Recently it seems like the few men who show up as FA bloggers on my particular Google feeds might be getting the idea from other blogs and certain commenters that their life experiences as men aren't really welcome in Fat Acceptance.

I don't understand how anyone can think issues of hate and discrimination only affect women, or that it can be solved by only engaging the females in the world. These male voices are equally valid and valuable, even if they don't adhere strictly to your definition of a feminist. FA as a social movement would be a very different place if it weren't for Paul Campos, or Paul McAleer, for example.

I want to let them know that their personal investment in FA, and their perspectives as fat men and/or fathers, sons, or lovers of people affected by fat hate are all welcome contributions to my own daily reading.

Shannon Russell
http://www.atchka.com/

Is the current popular target of a lot of hostility, but I really haven't yet managed to ferret out anything he says that outright offends me (and I consider myself a feminist). I hope he rides out the wave until people get used to his communication style, because I think he offers a positive challenge to the insulated paradigms of FA. I don't agree with everything he has to say, but it's at least refreshing to see something I disagree with on the Fatosphere feeds beyond the "diet vs. no diet" debate. Especially when it's articulate, funny, and threaded with good pop culture references. Especially when I feel like I can post a differing opinion on his blog without getting my ass chewed. I highly recommend that anyone who feels hostile towards his posts first read his Who, What, Why posts that explain who he is and why he's blogging. Also, if you can't easily recognize sarcasm or irony, or can't laugh at a little deliberate sophistry, then this might not be the blog for you.

The Men in Full livejournal
http://men-in-full.livejournal.com/

Is low-drama, high-impact. Their photographs, paintings, postcards, cartoons, statuary, etc. celebrate the physical beauty of large men in art and culture. The portrayals are almost exclusively positive; portraying large men as powerful, strong, beautiful, glad, and desirable. For those who've missed the last ten years or so, men are quickly arriving at pressure to obtain impossible physicalities right there along with women. These pictures may be more subversive than you think, and therefore more valuable.

Nick, from Axis of Fat
http://www.axisoffat.com/

All of the bloggers on the Australian Axis of Fat talks about fashion, body acceptance, and struggles with FA issues. Nick is one of the few men who venture into fashion in the FA feeds, which makes him very much welcome. For all the complaints about womens' clothing, I hear just as much from men in my life who feel they have to choose between pants that cut them in half or sag to their knees. I understand it only gets worse when you venture outside the U.S. (for all the bitching we do here!).

Bill, from Fatties United
http://fattiesunited.wordpress.com/

Bill is one of the bloggers on a relatively new site, "Fatties United" out of the west coast/Bay area of the US. He's been there (well, here actually) and has seen a lot of the trends and transformations within the FA movement. He also puts out the NAAFA newsletter, including the news and research roundup put out quarterly with links of interest to FA.

JD, from right here.
http://unapologeticallyfat.blogspot.com/

I may have only talked him into one guest post so far, but I hope to convince him to speak out with much more. He's a man with experience as a thin person, a fat person, a person in love with a fat person, a person who has observed loved ones become victims of the pressures of social beauty standards, etc. His range of personal experience (and his brilliant mind) gives him a lot of valuable insight into FA.


Please, if you're a man and I've left you off this list, post your info in the comments. I'm not as widely read as some of the other fatosphere blogs, but I want to give you what credit I can for adding your voice to something that affects everyone in our culture regardless of sex or gender.

SAAS (Sewing for Any Size): Necktie Skirt for Pears

On my post about the super-retro-awesome necktie skirt yesterday, Alice asked a very good question that I didn't address in the original post:


"I'm really digging that skirt - got to check out the goodwill sale days again! One note - for those of us hippier than we are ... waistey? Bad word choice. For those of use whose hips are wider than our waists, we'd measure the widest part, then make the skirt to those specifications, yes? I'm figuring that there'll be some darting going on given my super-hourglassy shape - if you've got any suggestions on how to do that w/out creating really bulky sections or causing fraying, I'd be grateful!"


Now unfortunately since my sewing machine est kaput for now, the answer is going to involve guesswork on my part and your own experimentation!


Experimentation because the solution is really going to depend on your shape. Hips that are just barely wider are going to be easier to fit than super-hourglassy. Darting is going to be extremely tricky anyway because you're working with many layers of fabric. My machine bent a rod trying to shove the needle through a double layer of ties, so unless you have an industrial upholstery machine you may want to try and stick to single layers wherever possible. If you do stitch through more than one layer of full necktie, adjust your speed, stitch slowly to give the needle a chance to shove through, and use a very sharp needle.

One option to allow for darts is to remove the lining of the neckties from the hips up. By picking apart the stitches on the backside of each tie you can cut out the many layers of fusible and padding that allows it to keep it's shape. Leaving it in from the hips down will help the skirt maintain shape, but then you only have four layers of fabric to deal with when darting instead of four layers plus whatever gunk they stuffed the tie with.


Another option is to spread the ties at the hips and use insets. The tail end of the tie might be best for this since it'll keep the skirt from flaring awkwardly. The tops of the wide ends of the ties should meet where your waist is, then seperate to allow the insert of the narrow ends, like this:Remember that since there'll be some overlap where you're going through more than one layer of tie, you'll need to stitch those areas slowly, with a very sharp needle. If you're wondering why I keep repeating that, my answer is that I don't want to get sued when someone breaks a pack of needles and snaps a bobbin case trying to rush through this project :-). If your sewing machine allows you to adjust the force of the needle, lucky you!

You could also pull the lining from one or both layers to allow your machine to push through. Pulling the lining from the narrow inset ties will let the larger ones keep their shape and probably look better.

Another option would be to let the ties overlap from the hips up and gradually angle so that the overlap reduces on the way down. Again, either remove the lining or go slow and sharp! This might give the skirt the illusion of being pleated, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Remember that if you do this or the previous option you'll want to make sure that the back closure is a straight enough seam to add a zipper or other closure.
I hope one of those works for you! Sometimes I do get caught up in creating for my own shape, so please just ask if you want help adapting something.

SAAS (Sewing at Any Size): Necktie Skirt

Otherwise known as the super-fab punky necktie skirt that snagged me a few dozen awed and/or envious comments last weekend at a party. I've already had three requests for Christmas, but unfortunately this skirt put my sewing machine in critical condition before I could finish the waistband. I decided to wear it as-is by just folding the top over a belt, and luckily it held together long enough. It does mean, however, that my photo -assisted instructions give out about the point where you need to put a waistband on it :-)

Anyway, first the standard disclaimer:

Welcome to my Series on Sewing at Any Size. You can access the rest of the SAAS series by clicking on the topic link on the side bar.The series is a form of peaceful protest against the terrible, cheap, overpriced, ugly stuff that passes for plus size fashion these days. Anyone can make basic wardrobe elements to fit their body without trying to track down commercial patterns (a nightmare for anyone over a US size 24).As this may eventually become a book, please do not reprint or republish this anywhere else. You may, of course print for your own personal use!

Then for the photos! JD took them on our way to the party, but didn't get the fabulous oxford shoes with 4 inch heels:

What you need:

Neckties
Iron-On Hem Tape
Satin Blanket Binding
6"-9" Zipper, or 12 grommets, or ribbon for lacing
Sewing Machine
Black Thread
Scissors
Iron/Ironing Board

For neckties I visited the Salvation Army. They discount older items by 50% depending on the color of the tag. I went on a blue tag day and got all the blue tag neckties for 50 cents. I also got a bag of ties off my local freecycle list, which I plan to use in a skirt for the best friend.

To determine the number of neckties you need for the skirt, first decide on a length. I measured the length of an existing skirt I liked, adding an inch because the flare would make it more revealing than the fitted skirt I was measuring. I came up with 22".

The best part about a shorter skirt (i.e. under 25") is that generally you can use half the number of neckties by cutting them in half and using both ends.

Measure your waist where you want the waistline of the skirt to be. Make sure the tape is snug, but not constricting. We don't have any seams here, so you don't have to add anything. Mine is 55".

Count on each tie or half-tie to be 1" wide. Some will be more or less and you can measure as you go, but it's a good average. I started with 27 ties since I could use both ends. I didn't use them all, but that's what I used for planning purposes. If I had done a full length skirt I would have needed to look for 55 ties.

Subtract 2" from the length of the skirt, multiply that number by the number of ties and buy that much iron-on hem tape. This will be in the section of the store with the bias tape, rick-rack, etc. It comes in 3 yard packages normally, for about $2.00 US. I needed 19" by 25 ties, or 475 inches of hem tape. There are 36 inches in a yard, so I needed 13.5 yards, or 5 packages.

I recommend satin blanket binding for the waistband because it’s easy and looks good. You could just as easily make your own binding out of any material simply by folding the sides of a strip of fabric in towards the middle, then folding it in half so that the raw edges are hidden. You need a length of binding equal to your waist measurement plus 1/2".

Start by cutting the neckties to the length you want the skirt, as they'll be much easier to work with if you're handling less material.

Decide what order you want the pieces in and stack them accordingly so that it's easy to remember. I alternated narrow and wide ends and tried to keep similar patterns mixed evenly.

On the back side of the tie, match up the edges and the bottom corner where it narrows to a point. Make sure there's no gap between the sides; match them up evenly.

Lay a strip of iron on hem tape along the edge, overlapping the material of both neckties. Iron slowly on the hottest setting until the tape adheres. Some fabrics will melt under a hot iron. If you want to play it safe, cut a piece from a plain paper bag and keep it between the fabric and the iron.

Continue adding strips of necktie and attaching them with the hem tape until the length of the top edge of the skirt matches your waist measurement.

Flip it over and check for gaps. Sometimes the gap can be fixed by just adjusting the fabric of the tie, or sometimes you have to rip off the hem tape and try again with a new piece.

Leave the final line open so that you have one long flat piece that somewhat resembles a picket fence.

On the right side of the skirt (the side that will be visible when wearing) Use the zig-zag stitch on your machine to sew a line of stitches up each join, capturing the fabric of both ties in the stitches.

The finished seam will look like this:

When you have them all connected, the front should look like this (photo is of skirt folded in half, remember to leave one seam open for a zipper, etc.)

The backside will have the hem tape reinforcing the stitches, so it will look like this:

(Note: This is the point at which my sewing machine broke. Since I’m still waiting to do the finishing touches, I don’t have photos!)

Take the piece of satin blanket binding and place it so that the top edge of the neckties is tucked into the center crease of the binding. Fold each end of the binding 1/4" under the edge of the skirt so that the raw edge of the satin is on the backside (fold at red dotted line below). Iron to crease, using the piece of paper to keep from scorching the satin.
Stitch down the satin from the top corner at the short end, then along the bottom edge, then up at the corner at the other end (red dotted line below).


Bring the two open ends around to meet, and decide what kind of closure you want to use. The fabric is really too heavy for a traditional elastic waistband, but you do have some options.

If you’re like me and your butt/hips are equal to or smaller than your waistline, then the easiest option is to take a length of fairly firm elastic (the kind that will stretch in two directions) and stitch it along the underside of the seam instead of the iron-on hem tape. That should be just enough give to get it on and off, with just enough grip to keep it from falling. Obviously you should stitch it to the ties along the edge of each side, instead of overlapping the zig-zag stitches as before. You want it to give, but also for the two ties to lie flush against each other when the elastic is relaxed. Another option is to simply close the final seam, add some beltloops, and use another necktie as a belt to hold the skirt on.

Option 2 is a zipper. There are tons of great websites out there with step by step instructions on installing a zipper. Here’s a photo tutorial, for exampe. Connect the ties below the zipper with a strip of hem tape and zig-zag stitch the right side as you did the rest of the ties.

Option 3 is a lace-up closure.
First you need to add an extra panel so that the opening doesn’t gap. I’d suggest you take another necktie and actually open it up. Pull out any liner, then re-fold the tie so that it’s just two layers of fabric. Cut the tip off so that it is square, and attach it so that it only extends from just below the waistband to just above the first corner of the adjacent tie tips (red square below) Hem all the raw edges and attach it to one side only of the opening.
If you have metal grommets and a setting tool then you can set a series of grommets down each full size tie (not the panel) about 1” from the edge. When you lace it up with a ribbon, the extra tie panel will go under the other side to hide any gap.

If you don’t have metal grommets, you can do a series of buttonholes down each side for the same effect. If you sew the buttonholes with a thin wire, like florist wire, under the stitches (like the red line in the buttonhole below) it will reinforce the hole and allow it to hold up longer without tearing.

If you’re hesitant to venture into any of these techniques, you can always use 3” lengths of strong ribbon. Stitch both ends together onto the edges of the ties to create loops. Lace another length of ribbon or cord through the loops to close the skirt. You can also attach loops to one side and buttons to the other to create a button closure without needing to know how to sew an actual buttonhole. I’d suggest that if you use buttons that you turn the skirt so that they’re on the side or in the front. Trust me, they’re not comfy to sit on.

Fun Fluff

Miss Conduct (Robin Abrahms) is the only advice columnist I really follow. It began about a year or so ago when she made an amazingly controversial suggestion that fat people are human beings. Because of the waves of hate she got in return she's something of an ally to the FA movement. Besides which, she's funny, direct, and gives good advice.

Anyway, today's fluff is from her personal blog, where she started a thread on what famous literary characters might write if they were to ask an advice columnist for help at some point in their story. They're being posted without names so that we can guess who the "writer" is. It's a lot of fun, but I want to play more so I'm calling for posts :-)

http://robinabrahams.com/2009/10/and-just-for-fun/#comments

Let There Be Light!

Darkness is hitting me particularly hard this fall. It doesn't help that we've reduced the lighting in the office to save money. The low-wattage CFL bulbs at home leave everything slightly dim as well. It wasn't as bad when I spent a lot of time outside in Summer, but it's fast approaching the days when I both arrive at and leave work in darkness. You southern climate folks have no idea what it does to your brain and body to only experience a few weak hours of sun each day (if any), with nothing but dim fluorescent bulbs in between.

So I decided to compromise my frugality and environmentalism for the sake of having enough energy to function. I can't afford a $300 SAD lightbox, but I can (luckily) afford $30 in high-wattage daylight spectrum bulbs. JD helped me rig up a couple of freecycle table lamps on a timer with 300 watt incandescent daylight bulbs so that at 6:30 in the morning it looks like the sun has risen in the bedroom. The bulbs go off on the timer at 7:30 when I leave for work. I put 100 Watt incandescent daylights in the bathroom as well, and will head to the Habitat Re-Store today in search of floor lamps to brighten the living room.

I'm probably still not getting the full 10,000 lux of full daylight, even if I'm managing 10,000 lumen with the bedroom lights. I'm also, before someone brings it up, starting a vitamin D regimen and trying to be outdoors on my lunch hour.

I still feel guilty over giving up the energy savings of CFL's, but I can always swap them out during the summer when I can open windows for more ambient light. Until then, I think I just have to compromise ideals for functionality.

The New Fashion Bug

Fashion bug is the "other option" for those of us who are just over the Lane Bryant after-washing sizes but can't afford Igigi or Torrid prices. But it's always had the usual reputation for inexpensive plus size fashion in that it tended towards giant frilly peasant blouses with applique' kittens and similar horrors.

I received a flyer from them talking about a store makeover, but didn't get there until today. I'm on a desperate search for something that looks like a man's tuxedo vest for my Halloween costume, so I'm hitting every plus size shop in a ten mile radius (plus salvation army/goodwill, of course).

I have to say I'm impressed. Some of the features I liked about the local store:

Instead of having a plus side of the store and a missy's side of the store, they now carry just about everything in a size range from small to 30/32 on the same rack. I did notice the 30/32's were pretty scanty, but I'm betting that's because they sell much faster due to scarcity. That's a stocking issue they need to address. If they're paying attention they'll stock only one or two of each thing in medium and three or four each of the two largest sizes instead of the other way around. Their turnover would probably go through the roof and they'd lose less money on the clearance rack.

They split the store into Formal/Casual instead of by size. You know if you want work wear it'll all be in one place.

Their formal wear is stylish, professional and FITTED. I saw enough sharp, tailored skirts and fitted blouses to blow my next four paychecks. Much love to the argyle "scholar" sweaters, pinstripes and pencil skirts. MUCH love to the Audrey Hepburn style little sleeveless black dress, which I might just eat Ramen for a week to own. The point is that while there were a couple of baggy things, they're actually starting to stock clothes that assume fat women also have a body worth fitting.

Their prices came down. This is brilliant. They've finally determined their market and are pricing accordingly. They're not competing with high-end plus fashion, like Lane Bryant, Torrid and Catherines, because, frankly, they can't. They're competing with Wal-mart, Meijer's and other big-box stores that sell baggy, shapeless generic tee shirts to 5X. In that market they're a big fish in a little pond. They're in the same price range, but much younger and more stylish. I think this is a brilliant marketing decision, and not just because it means I can buy a tailored pinstripe jacket for $30.

Overall my impression was that the plus size fashion drought might just be drawing to a close. I'm loving the combination office professional meets classic punk styles I'm seeing this year. Think black pinstripes and steel buckles, or pencil skirts with a fedora. Now if they could just drop the waists to accomodate us amazonian tunic-lovers, I'd toss my closet and start over.

Speaking of office punk, I'm making a necktie mini skirt, hopefully in time for a party this weekend. Thanks to Salvation army (50 cents a tie) and a woman on Freecycle who's giving me a bagful, I'm managing to do it pretty cheap. I'll post instructions once I work out the details.

Too Little Time

I have a problem, and it's related to the number of hours in a day.

See, I've convinced myself that I don't have to wait until I'm thin to do the things I want to do. Unfortunately, now I have to choose between what I want to do, and what I can possibly cram into 24 hours.

What's triggered this is that the horse I lease has been sent away for a year to be leased elsewhere. It makes sense for the owner of course; I don't lease during the winter so she's out that money, plus I've been hinting that I might not be able to afford it next summer. I told her that if she found a more reliable leaser for Sunshine that she should take it. And she has.
She's reccomended a draft horse at another barn that I could lease over the winter, since the barn actually has an indoor arena.

As a single person I was used to filling every hour of every day with various "projects" that rotated on a regular basis. I'm struggling somewhat with my change in circumstances as part of a couple, where I have to either choose projects we're both interested in, or give up some of our scanty time together.

Looking realistically at my schedule I can see that after work, sleep, necessary chores (laundry, meal prep, cleaning), friendships, family and relationship time, I can only reasonably count on two evenings a week and the very occasional weekend for the projects that used to take up every evening and half my weekends.

Something has to give. Here's the immediate list of things that I would really regret losing. It doesn't even go into the "wouldn't it be nice" or "When I have free time" backups.

***********************************
I love to ride, but to keep my conditioning for it I'd have to devote both free evenings each week to riding, leaving only the occasional weekend day for other projects.

I also want to catch up on sewing, and the machine has been gathering dust in a corner for most of the summer. I have a braided rug, a halter dress and a necktie skirt dancing in my brain and making my fingers itch.

I want to get a move on home improvement. Our bathroom floor has been bare wood since June, waiting for time to finish it. We want to be able to sell the house next year sometime, so that's a deadline, but it needs a LOT of work to be listable. The $100 a month lease payment on a horse would go a long way in paint and tile and the two nights a week would let me make actual progress on the big projects.

I want to landscape, and really only have the next month to get everything trimmed, moved, mulched, etc. There's a new cat run to build for Mad Sweeny. There's the potential of a patio to raise the house value.

I want to read, and my list is getting ridiculously long.

I want to spend more time with my friends, who I've been neglecting in the crunch to fit fifty hours into 24. I've completely abandoned most of my online friends and relationships for the same reason.

I want to volunteer. I never made it to a Habitat build this summer. I never got around to volunteering at the animal shelter. I've neglected the event I volunteered to promote this year. I wanted to help the local Watershed Council build community rain gardens, but ran out of time.

I want to write, but I know from experience that I work better in blocks of time than I do grabbing an hour here and there. I finished the first draft of a novel a year ago and haven't touched it since.

I want to save money against paying off debts, or going back to school, or leaving my job to follow JD to grad school, or losing my job to district consolidations. Living cheaply takes a LOT of time. You pay for the convenience of quick prep foods and ready made clothes.

I want to take ballroom dance classes, but they're held on the only night each week our friends can all get together.

I want to take swimming or yoga sessions at the community college, but that would shave two hours out of every day; either to attend after work or to get to sleep early enough to attend before work.

Work takes 10 hours a day with commute. I absolutely and without negotiation need 8 to 9 hours of sleep each night to stay sane and physically well.

********************************
That's the gist of it. I'm used to having to limit my projects and dreams because of money. I used to limit them because of weight. Now I not only need to limit them strictly based on time, but I have to figure out exactly what I want badly enough to give up all or most of the rest. Giving up riding would probably cause some tears, but I have to honestly face whether I love it enough to give up everything else I want to do.

It goes beyond that, however, to my own definition of myself. I am an active, busy person involved in everything. I was. Now I have to choose, because my priority outside of work is now another person instead of a project. A relationship can't be tossed in a drawer and pulled out when I have time for it.

Perhaps I just need to let go of scarcity thinking. I have this idea that if I don't jump on finding another horse to lease right now, I'll never be able to ride again. After all, how often can I count on someone having a saddle-trained draft horse for lease and being willing to lease to someone my weight? I'm at a point in my life where I could head in any one of a dozen directions based entirely on my choices. I'm haunted by the idea of someday regretting those choices.

When I was a kid, I said I wanted to be able to look back on my deathbed and not be able to say "I wish I'd done..."

But I also know that not choosing is a choice in itself, and the one I'd probably regret most of all.

Foodie Fluff: No, I don't know what I'm bringing to the potluck.

Had a typical cooking moment last night, which I think really sums up why I can never tell someone in advance what I'm bringing to a party or potluck.

Started out grabbing a pack of what I thought were d'anjou pears in the grocery store.
Wasn't hungry after riding, so I pulled two of them out to have a snack instead of dinner. Turns out they were Bartlett pears (yuck..mealy and bland).
Thought I could salvage the pears by slicing and shaking them up in a bag with cinnamon and sugar. Hey, why not? Works for apples.
Used WAY too much cinnamon.
Tried to dilute it with more sugar
Now pears are mealy, bland AND gritty.
Thought I might still salvage them so I tossed them in the wok with a chunk of butter to cook.
Added brown sugar.
hmmm..do I have any pie crust? I could make baked caramel pear empanadas.
Pie crust is frozen....nope, not worth it at 8pm.
Caramelized pears it is.
wait, did I ever put the ice cream maker back in the freezer? cinnamon ice cream with sauteed pears and caramel sauce.....
Nope. Ice cream maker isn't in the freezer. That's ok, no cream in the fridge anyway.
They smell done
hmmm...streusel.....

Ended up just splitting the pears and the now very gooey hot cinnamon caramel sauce into two bowls, depositing one in front of JD at his computer. At least I have someone else to inflict these experiments on. At some point when I put a lot of work into a dish I can't even stand to look at it or smell it any more, much less eat it.

Turns out there's more pectin in the pears than in apples though, because the caramel turned roughly the consistancy of mucous.

Amazing how some people aren't willing to eat something after I proclaim "Holy crap it's cinnamon-caramel snot" as I let it drip suggestively from a spoon.

So most of it was tossed anyway.

So no. I can tell you what ingredient I'm starting with, but I really, honestly, can't tell you what finished dish I'm bringing to pass. Trust me though. If you grit your teeth and bear the uncertainty, I'll make it worth your while. Remember the Oaxaca Hot Chocolate scones that began their life as chocolate chip cookies and lost all evolutionary control? I still get requests for those. Wish I could remember how I made them.

SAAS (Sewing at Any Size): The Madison, or Sizing up a Cardigan

This is my series on Sewing at Any Size, a protest against overpriced, badly constructed and badly-fitted clothing options available to anyone who isn’t shaped like a fit model.

You can see the rest of the SAAS series by clicking on the category link on the sidebar. As this will eventually become a book, please do not re-publish or re-post this material. Feel free to link to it however, or print/save for your own personal use.

I know I promised more underwear, but I haven't gotten near a sewing machine in months due to vacations, etc. Today I'm going on guesswork, since I can see how this would be constructed, but haven't actually done it.

I get clothing catalogs at work all the time; usually addressed to people who've retired or left. Often I flip through them and find outfit inspiration in ways I'm sure they never intended.

For instance, my first reaction to Chadwick's Madison Cardigan was along the lines of "eewww! Ruffles!" Sure it's available in Womens' sizes...the ugliest things always are.

But then I looked twice...at least long enough to see how it was constructed, and realized it's a great way to size up a cardigan or shirt that's just barely too small to button properly. Or, who knows? Maybe you like ruffles. Or maybe we can use the same idea, but in something less ruffly than chiffon.

First of all, click on the link. What you'll see is, first of all, a great visual example of my problem-solving post on lengthening sleeves that are too long, by adding fabric at the cuffs. All they did was roll a hem on a strip of chiffon (they used a serger of course, if you have one then lucky you!) then sewed it onto the existing sleeve cuff in two parallel rows of stiches. They left what looks like 1" of chiffon hanging over the hand, and 1" behind the stitches as a ruffle. In the graphic below, the white square is the chiffon, the grey is the original cardigan sleeve.

You could stitch the back edge of the chiffon strip (top red dotted line) to 1" above the cardigan cuff (where the 2nd red dotted line is in the graphic) so that you don't have the ruffle. You could also reverse the layers and stitch it with the cardigan as the top layer and the chiffon peeking out from underneath.

If you need the entire cardigan sized up and not just the sleeve length, or just like the look in the picture, take the following steps:

First make sure the edges of the front at least touch, even if it won't button. We'll be adding eyehook closures so that's where the finished cardigan will lie.

Remove buttons and stitch button holes shut. You don't need a lot of stitches; but the gap of the buttonhole will show through the chiffon.

Take a package of hook and eyes from the craft store. Use a needle and thread to attach the two loop on the hook half to the front of one side of the edge of the cardigan, facing out. Stitch the eye (loop) half to the other side of the front of the cardigan.

You'll want the hook to face out, if possible, unless you want to add a strip of protective fabric so that the hook doesn't rub on your skin.

Space the hook and eye sets however you'd like down the front of the cardigan.

Measure the neckhole (to the edges of the front closure), length and bottom hem of your cardigan. Add 1/2" to each measurement and cut a 4" wide strip of chiffon for each the collar and bottom hem measurements . Cut two 3" wide strips of the front length (there is only a ruffle on the outside of the front).

They show a continuous strip of fabric, and you're welcome to try that, but it's easier to explain how to do it with adding seams.

Start by hemming all three strips of fabric with as small a fold as possible, stitching as close to the edge as possible. If your sewing machine is a serger, use that instead.

Match up the halfway point of the neckhole strip with the center back of the collar. Pin so that 1" hangs over the top edge (look at the photo again if you need help visualizing.) Pin all the way around to the front. At the front, fold under any excess and crease so that the fold matches up exactly with the cardigan underneath.

Then cut the chiffon in a slanting 45 degree line from the top corner in the front to the edge of the strip (red dotted line)

Pin the front strip so that the crease of the hem (or overlock stitches) are matched up exactly with the front edge. You will be putting the fabric over the top of the hood and eye fixtures to hide them. Pin, then cut a diagonal line from that strip also, so that the two cut edges match up (same red dotted line above).

Unpin and sew the two cut edges together with a 1/4" seam allowance. Remember that the two pieces will be offset, as the collar piece has a ruffle overhang and the front does not. Follow the fold in the seam allowance when you get to the collar piece, so that the ruffle is hemmed. Re-pin, and it should look like this:Repeat the procedure for the bottom corner, leaving 1" of the chiffon overhanging the bottom hem of the cardigan. When you're satisfied with how the chiffon lies, stitch it on as close to the hems of the cardigan as possible. When you've finished, add another line of stitches 2" from the first.


The buttons they show on the Madison Cardigan are sparkly glass buttons, covered with the chiffon to mute the brightness. They're only decorative, so it's entirely your decision whether to leave them off or not.


To cover a button, cut a circle from the chiffon, stretch it tightly over the button and gather it at the back where the buttonhole or loop is located. Wrap thread around the bunched fabric to secure it and run a needle and thread through the center of the bunch for added strength.


Personally? I'd prefer to experiment with paints instead of buttons.

As an alternative to the Chiffon, you can use silk, polyester, lightweight leather, etc. I'd highly reccomend a strip of silk, but making it only 2" wide and leaving off the ruffle; simply stitch it onto the cardigan at both hems of the silk to secure. Using kimono-print poly silk (which is machine washable) and bamboo buttons would look great.


If you need to size up even further (but the armholes fit) sew a strip of fabric about the same color as the cardigan or chiffon to the hem and front of the cardigan. After you've extended the edge, continue as before, adjusting the width of the chiffon strips as needed to disguise this additional fabric.

Guest Blog: The Window

My best friend has Fibromyalgia, which is getting steadily worse as her doctors seem to be giving up on her. There's been a lot of talk in the Fatosphere about marginalization of ill or differently abled fat people in the quest for acceptance for the "good fatties". All that does is ignore that thin line of sheer chance that seperates the currently abled, with all our privilege, from a state of otherness. If we leave anyone behind, we doom our future selves to be left behind in turn.

My friend wrote this as a way of coping with the changes she's had to make in her life because of her illness. She said she was "getting her tears out on paper". I asked her if I could post it here as a guest blog, because I think it says something we all need to hear. -Jo

****************************************************************************

*The Window.*

I look out the window and I see her dancing. She’s happy and she is free. She moves with such feeling. There’s a fire she dances around. It sparks her soul and it makes her feel alive. She reaches for the fire. I watch her dancing with the fire as if they are one. You can see how happy she is as you see the fire move around her body.

She’s walking on the beach in the sand. The deep sand engulfs her feet. The sand feels warm and makes her want to run and play in the water. The water is beautiful. Just as she is. The high wave crashes against her body. She loves how the waves hit her with such force. You can tell how much she loves to fight the waves. It’s a silly game they play together. Will she fall and let the wave win? Does the wave really win if she falls? It’s really the game they play together that makes them both winners. Her free to stand up against the wave and the water free to create the wave. There are no losers.

I watch her walking through a forest. Picking up little trinkets of herbs and twigs as she goes. You can tell she can hear the trees and the trees love to talk to her. She approaches a steep hill where she sees some beautiful flowers she wants to pick. She climbs the hill with ease. She can smell the flowers even before she reaches the top. Bending over to pick the flowers, she smells each one as she makes a beautiful natural bouquet to bring home. She didn’t realize how high the hill was till she reached the top. From the top she looks out and sees the vastness of Lake Michigan. She watches the waves. She sees the forest below her. She sits at the top of the hill and watches the sun set. One of her very favorite things to do; watching a sunset from high places and beaches. Nothing is more beautiful.

She runs down the hill. Running is so freeing. Feeling the wind in her hair. It whispers to her. It twirls around her as if it wraps its arms around to embrace her.

I see her laying flat on the ground. A clear blue day. Just enough fluffy white clouds to gaze at. She lies there and she watches each cloud as it slowly passes and changes. She looks to see what she can in the clouds. A mighty dragon, A phoenix, a small bird, a fish and a butterfly. All from the same group of clouds. She is able to get up with such ease. Dandelions everywhere. She picks them and pops the head off for fun. Thanking each one as she goes for giving her such joy in there splendid color. The way they glow on her skin and eyes.

She walks up to her little girl and picks her up as if she was as light as a feather. They dance around in the dandelions. Her child in her arms. Giggling and playing. Ring around the rosies, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down. They do this over and over. Never feeling exhausted. No pain, just joy.

Its near Christmas, I’m watching her create! Wonderful gifts made from balls of yarn and love. She is crocheting the most beautiful afghan. The colors just jump right out at her. Oh, how she loves colors. They make her feel alive inside. The afghan is going to keep someone warm and make them happy. Something that can be passed down to the next generations perhaps. Oh! I see slippers. They look so warm. She loves to make these slippers for her friends and family. Look, she made her son another warm hat. Her sister a pretty doily to put on her wedding table.

She reaches for a paint brush. The strokes of the brush make her feel so free. Nothing can take her places like color can. She turns on the CD player and she dances around as she puts paint on a canvas. So much ease in her dance and her brush stroke. The color gathers into a beautiful painting that she can either hang her self or pass on as a beautiful gift. She loves to create gifts. She loves to create…

No one is home. She is all alone. She is skipping and dancing through the house as she sings to really loud music. She moves with ease no care in the world while she dances and sings.

She sees her husband. She embraces him. She wraps around him and pushes him onto the bed. She sits on top of him and tells him how much she loves him. She leans down and lays her head on his chest. He embraces her and the embrace turns into a moment that will last long into the night.

I’m still looking at her through the window as the window slowly changes to a mirror. I see my own reflection. I take in a deep breath and sigh. Realizing I was merely watching who I used to be. Watching all the things I long for and can no longer do. The days before pain. The days before the days before. I want them back! I’m angry they are gone. I can’t do any one of those things anymore without pain. The things that give me the most joy cause me the most pain. Simple things like lying in the grass to watch the clouds. Climbing a hill, making my children gifts, embracing my husband with a long night embrace. All seem out of my reach.

I sat here today and asked myself why? Why are you so sad? Why do you feel so alone? A burden, a failure and these words flowed from my pen. I am not a writer for sure, but I want others to understand why even though I look healthy and normal on the outside, healthy and happy inside, I’m breaking in ways that have no words. I’m broken and I don’t know how to fix me. I don’t have a day with out pain. I can barely recall what its like to not be in pain. I would love so much to do what I could once do.

I do not want your pity. I’m blessed to have wonderful people in my life that bring me joy in other ways. I do not want you to share my pain. I just wanted to share this with you so perhaps in ways I can not express to you in spoken word, you would maybe understand why sometimes I may be distant, cranky, and sad. Why sometimes I don’t want to do things with you. I don’t want to hold you back.

So please never feel like you can’t go on with your life with out me. Never stop being you. Enjoy what you have. Freedom of movement. Freedom of movement is a terrible thing to take for granted. Don’t waste it. Dance when you can dance. Climb heights you can look off of. Create things with your hands you can pass on to others. Embrace those you love for long nights. Live a dream you have now. Don’t put it off till tomorrow. Because tomorrow your body my not allow you that grace.


Wendy Needham
September 12, 2009

Recipe Box: Quick and Easy Beef Stew Pot Pie

This recipe deviates quite a bit from my usual emphasis on fresh ingredients. I now find myself hosting a super-picky autistic teenager every other weekend, and there's nothing short of violating the Geneva Convention that's going to make him eat eggplant. But then I'm certaintly not into forcing anyone to eat something they don't like. I am, however, on a sort of mission to sneak some fruits and vegetables into this kid, because I don't think he gets any at his other home.

His pickiness, as explained by JD, is based on food familiarity. He'll try something that looks like something he's tried and liked before. If I serve a strawberry banana yogurt smoothie in a fancy glass, he won't even taste it. If I put it in a McDonald's cup, he'll drink it without even blinking.

So the downside of this recipe is that because of short time and guesswork as to how fancy I could go, I faked out a lot of ingredients. The upside is that because of faked out ingredients, this is a quick weekday kind of main dish that looks like it's more work than it is, or a great Sunday-night dinner that will make lunches all week. It turned out to be a bust in the sense that the teenager wouldn't touch it (not familiar enough), but a success in that it made about four meals for JD and I throughout the weekend. Feel free, of course, to substitute scratch or fresh elements for the ones listed.

Quick and Easy Beef Stew Pot Pie

2 refrigerated pie crusts (bring to room temperature)
2 cups beef stew (leftover or canned)
1 package instant mashed potatoes (2-3 cups prepared) preferably herbed or flavored
4 cups frozen vegetables (peas, carrots, broccoli, corn, etc.)
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/4-1/2 cup all purpose flour (can be white or wheat)

Use a 9" deep dish pie pan for preference, glass if possible. I used a round ceramic tart dish with straight sides and it worked perfectly.

Prepare the instant potatoes per the package directions. If you're using the plain kind or fresh potatoes, you can spice them up with a teaspoon of onion powder, half a teaspoon garlic powder, and a teaspoon of fresh or dried parsley.

Pre-heat the oven to 375

dust the bottom of the dish with flour. The easiest way to dust a dish evenly is to put a few tablespoons of flour in a wire mesh strainer. Hold the strainer over the dish and gently tap the side of the strainer with a spoon or finger. You should get a nice even dusting. This works well with decorative powdered sugar on desserts as well.

lay one layer of room-temperature pie crust in the bottom of the dish. If any hang over the end, cut it away to about 1/4" over the top of the dish.

Dust the bottom of the crust with flour

Add a layer of beef stew, followed by a layer of frozen vegetables, followed by a layer of cheese, then spread the mashed potatoes over the top. Depending on the size of your dish, you may have leftovers. It's ok to heap the ingredients up above the edges as long as the top pie crust can be laid over it all and still meet the edge of the pan.

Lay the top crust over the potatoes. Crimp the edges of the top and bottom crust together with your fingers to create a seal, and cut away any extra crust.

Use a sharp knife to make five cuts in the top of the crust, at least three inches long. This will allow steam to vent so that your crust doesn't puff up over the potatoes.

If you're feeling fancy and want one of those nice shiny glazed crusts, beat an egg white with a tablespoon of water and brush it over the top crust.

Bake 45 minutes to 1 hour. Since the ingredients are pre-cooked, your only concern is that the crust become nice and toasty brown. Put a sheet of aluminum foil or a baking sheet under the dish to catch drips in case it bubbles out the seams.

Let stand 10 minutes or so to cool, cut into slices and serve.

Vegetarian Variant

Skip the beef stew, add an additional 1 cup vegetables.

heat 1 cup of vegetable broth with 1 tablespoon corn starch over medium heat in a saucepan until the thickness of gravy.

Pour over frozen vegetables on bottom layer of pie, then assemble and prepare as usual.

Swine Flu and WLS...A Perspective

Thanks to Bri at Fat Lot of Good for a great collection of news stories highlighting the dangers of Weight Loss Surgery.

An interesting comparison sprung to mind and put things in perspective. Most of the articles quote the statistic that 1 in 50 patients die within three months of weight loss surgery. That's a 2% initial mortality rate. (the number who die from complications of the surgery within 5 years is much higher, and within their lifetime is even higher than that).

2% mortality rate. Within three months.

The CFR (Case Fatality Ratio) for the current strain of Swine Flu is estimated between 0.3 to 1.8% based on all the numbers I could find quoted in news articles and abstracts of study findings. That's of course just based on the death rate of people who have been infected, not the chance of the average person dying from it. Just as the WLS number is based on people who actually had the surgery.

In other words, just based on your chances of dying, it is safer to play tonsil hockey with someone hacking up Swine flu lung biscuits than it is to have Weight Loss Surgery.

Why is one a source of panic, and the other "for our own good"?

Roadtrip

I'm back! I'm sleep-deprived and energy depleted, exhausted from the weather and over-stimulated. I'm also re-reading Atlas Shrugged, and nothing sends me into a funk like curling up with a thousand pages of industrial despair. But at the moment I'm somewhat in the mood of Dorothy who finally wakes up in her very own bed for the first time in a long while.

I really got the fix of "somewhere else" that I needed before fall set in. I was so eager to get going that we drove for five hours on Wednesday night after I got out of work and crashed at a desperate little over-Lysoled trucker motel in Kentucky. The point was to be on our way. When it was pouring rain in the Smoky Mountains, JD said, casually, after spending half an hour climbing a narrow switchback road to the campground,

"You know, we're only about four hours from Savannah."

And we drove until midnight to get to Hilton Head and crash in what turned out to be a roach motel. Ok, one roach. I named him Lyle and JD,having faster reflexes than either Lyle or I, squished him with a tissue. But even though it was still pouring rain in Savannah, that rain was pouring on palm trees and Gardenias instead of our tent. We splashed around in the puddles for a while until we hit the Colonial Park Cemetery and the sun made something of a grudging entrance. We made it to Bonaventure and the Riverfront (areas I hadn't visited before) and found the only advertised Cajun restaurant in town. Their jambalaya was something fabulous. After the muggy intense heat in Savannah we had visions of cool misty mountains again and headed back to the Smokies. Thanks to the rain we were able to get a site in the Big Creek campground (they don't allow RV's and the sites are really quiet and private, so they're usually full). We hiked the 5 mile loop up to Mouse Creek Falls, swam at Midnight Hole, made it up the steep grade to Clingman's Dome, got seriously nasty looks for my tee-shirt ("I'm not anti-religion, I'm just anti-hypocrisy"), went to the Cherokee Reservation, and learned to hate ethanol (it sucks your engine's power in the hills; I had to buy premium gas just to get up some of the roads we drove). We got home, spent two packed days of errands, then headed up to my best friend's house for her annual labor day gathering. After another three days of sleeping on the ground, bug spray, ritual, drum circle and good conversation, I'm ready to simply be home for a while. Decompress. Process. Rest. Be still. Quit smoking (again).

I know that description doesn't sound as fun as it all really was, but right now I'm numb to enthusiasm. I suppose this is something of a transition post; to keep my "just one more day" blogging break from becoming another several-month disappearing act. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have caught up on some stillness and be more able to post something substantial.

Guest Post: The Good Fattie, Part 2

Jo: So I've been very sweetly and politely requesting (read: constant impatient nagging) JD to start guest posting for Unapologetically Fat. I know he has strong insights and the unique perspective of a feminist man who doesn't engage in body judgement, so I really wanted to see his voice heard in the FA community. He's come through with this post, which further examines the dangers which the Good Fattie mythology poses to the Fat Acceptance movement by comparing it with a similar dichotomy in the Second-Wave Feminist movement of the 60's. Enjoy!


The Good Fattie and the Bad Feminist
Guest post by JD

There's been a lot of talk recently about what it means to be part of the Fat Acceptance movement, and the way it changes how we think, both individually and collectively. Thanks to Jo's blog, I read MezzoShiri’s "Addicted to Life" post from a few weeks ago. I was struck by Mezzo's definitions of "good" fat people ("someone with pristine nutritional and exercise habits who remains fat") and "bad" fat people ("someone with imperfect eating and exercise habits") and the internal pressures she feels to be a "good" fat person.

I find it interesting how much the definitions of "good" fat people and "bad" fat people mirror one of the unspoken definitions of "good" feminists and "bad" feminists that came into prominence in the 60s and 70s (what is called "Second-Wave Feminism"). Though there was a lot of disagreement, even then, about what it meant to be a "good" feminist, it was easy to recognize one type of "bad" feminist – women who openly expressed their sexuality, even with the men who (it was said) opposed their liberation. In other words, "bad" feminists displayed lust.

When you look beneath the surface you can see how even in this so-called "age of acceptance" we're still subject to old-fashioned intolerance, justified by a thin facade of religion. Lust is a sin, a sin for which women are especially criticized, and therefore women who express their sexuality in the "wrong ways" are a bad example and they hurt the feminist movement. For a long time, a really good feminist was one who overcompensated for this perceived flaw by showing no outward sexuality whatsoever.

Though I suspect this guilt about lust began as an internal pressure felt by people simply seeking their identity – what I hear MezzoShiri describing – it didn't take long to become a force in the organizations that defined the feminist movement. The all-too-predictable result was women attacking other women for their lifestyle choices and the fragmentation of the feminist movement. If you question the depth of this fragmentation, listen to feminists argue (often violently) over the true meaning and impact of pornography, and the mental state of the women involved in it.

Yes, I said "mental state." The most commonly expressed feminist position on pornography is that it is not about sex, but is about violence and oppression, and that the women who participate in it are psychologically damaged and therefore incapable of giving consent to the actions they perform.

I’m not comfortable with pornography. I generally find it either laughable or disturbing. But what disturbs me more is seeing one group of women who seem rational and well-adjusted passing judgment on the mental health of another group of women who also seem rational and well-adjusted, but who make choices that first group doesn’t like. Both groups tend to identify themselves as feminists. I find myself asking: how does this advance the cause of women?

Within the Fat Acceptance movement there are people who feel torn in the same way that many feminists did:

Any fat person who doesn't look like she is enthusiastic about being active and exercising is automatically considered guilty of the sin of Sloth (a.k.a. good old-fashioned laziness). Since laziness is a sin and "bad" fat people are automatically assumed to be guilty of it, to win the rights of Fat Acceptance we should all be "good" examples of fat people, by showing no desire whatsoever to relax and take it easy once in a while. When I relax I feel bad, so it must be bad, right?

That kind of thinking has the potential to lead to influential people within the FA movement imposing their own inner guilt and prejudices on others. Already many fat people are labeled "psychologically damaged" by being diagnosed with eating disorders. While people readily agree that the cause of eating disorders is our current system of unhealthy social influences, all too often the social system gets the attention while the people labeled with these problems are marginalized. Given that state of affairs, how much of a stretch is it to see a future where fat people who say "I eat because I want to" are automatically seen as having a problem with their mental state? How far are we from that perception today?

Everyone, fat or thin, is entitled to relax without feeling guilty, just as everyone, male or female, is entitled to a little guilt-free sexual excitement. Sure, we can all come up with examples of people who take it too far, but who gets to say how far is too far? Not "the movement." Not "great leaders" or major organizations. The only person in a position to judge someone’s mental state is a person directly involved.

I’m condemning anybody here. But discrimination within a movement is no better than discrimination outside a movement, and the attitudes of a movement come from the beliefs of its individual members. The whole point of fat acceptance is to do away with the concepts of "good" and "bad" fat people. We're looking for the acceptance of fat people as ordinary people who are free to be human. If that means some fat people are lazy (or lusty or whatever else), well, that's how they choose to be. Living that way is their right.

Your right.

Plug and Apologies

hrmn...it seems like there's a lot of apologies on this blog, considering the title :-)

At any rate, the current erratic posting schedule is due to my frantically attempting to get every last ounce of fun in outside before snow falls. I will be out for about two weeks hiking in the Smoky Mountains and then attending the festival at which I have to give the body acceptance talk (thanks for all the suggestions!). On my return I hope to be able to post more regularly.

In the meantime, I highly recommend a new blog that I'll be occasionally writing for, called Fatties United. It's spearheaded by my Tante' Terri, Uncle Bill, and their friends out in California. Tante's the one who turned the FA page in my life by sending me (out of nowhere) a stack of books and a link to something called NAAFA. I just cross-posted my Good Fattie post there per their request, but also hope to send some original material just to their blog.

Workshop Help!

So I've agreed to do a workshop in two weeks on basic body acceptance. I tried FA specifically as a topic, but was asked to broaden it (insert rimshot) to basically address how to accept and appreciate your body no matter what size it is.

Help! Where do I even start!?

If you were doing/hearing a workshop on body acceptance for the first time and had never read any kind of FA or HAES book...what would you want included? What would you want your friend/family member/daughter to hear on the topic as their first introduction?

The attendees will probably be a dozen or so adults (between 18 and 40) I know really well (for me it's always harder to speak to strangers I'll never see again...the distance helps my brain work better). They're close friends or family, including (eek!) my parents. Only a few of them have heard me rant on the subject. I know that there are at least two I expect to attend who are recovering from ED's, at least three current dieters, one struggling with long-term ill effects of WLS, and several who hate on their bodies on a regular basis. I expect them mostly to be women (except maybe JD if he's not doing his own workshop). They're strong but relatively open-minded on most subjects, primarily Pagan or Heathen, and will probably not give me too much heckle if I challenge their paradigms.

Last time this kind of topic came up I tried to convince a friend that it was a contradiction to be both accepting/proud of your body as an independent woman, and planning what plastic surgery and face/boob/butt lifts she wanted. The idea that the motivation to let yourself be cut open, sucked out and stitched back together came from external and semi-invisible pressures of society rather than the desire to be good to yourself took all night and into the next morning. But it did eventually get through.

So...any ideas on where to start? Basic concepts you think should be covered any time someone's doing a body acceptance workshop?

I'm heading off for the weekend, but I'll consider anything I find in the comments when I get back a real help :-)

The Good Fattie

This post was inspired by MezzoShiri’s post “Addicted to Life”

She brings up a theme that I’ve been struggling with myself, and have seen throughout the fatosphere as of late: The Myth of the Good Fattie.

One of these days someone will come up with a comprehensive “stages” list for Fat Acceptance, which a significant number of people pass through at some point or another on their path to body acceptance, although not everyone or in the same order.

One stage would be “ok for other people.” This means that you accept that other people could be happy with their bodies, but there’s something somehow radically unique about your own that makes it not an option for you.

Another would be the “Good Fattie” stage.

There is an idea that often crops up, if subconsciously, that somehow you have to “earn” fat acceptance by being as healthy as possible. If you exercise regularly and eat healthy and somehow escape disease or disability but remain fat, you are then relieved of an obligation to prove to people that it can be done. You can say, both to yourself and to others, “look, I do everything I’m supposed to. I’m fat and healthy. You can’t blame my lifestyle for my weight.”

But working hard, restricting your food and exercising while fat to justify your right to exist isn’t all that much different than doing all that to lose weight and justify your right to exist. They both start with the premise that you have to somehow earn your right to be a human being.

Don’t get me wrong here...if you’re active because you like to be active, or eat a certain way because that’s the food you like (or have religious or medical restrictions) then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact there’s everything right about that because you’re doing it for yourself. But if you can’t afford fresh produce every day, or you work two jobs (yes parenting counts as at least one full time job) and literally have no energy for anything but a microwave dinner and sleep, or you damn well don’t like vegetables, hate to exercise, are physically unable to exercise, etc......there’s nothing wrong with that either. The life you live as a fat person does not somehow disqualify you from deserving to be happy.

To the point, a quote from MezzoShiri’s post:

“But as I’m trying to find my own voice in FA circles, I can feel the weight of internal pressure about how I’m not being a “good example” of Fat Acceptance, and I’m not being any sort of example for the idea of Health at Every Size. Talk about cognitive dissonance.”

The Good Fattie kind of thinking does create a division in FA. I’ve seen questions from the beginning of my involvement about how the “Death Fat” (i.e. “morbidly obese”) or fat and sick feel they’re marginalized. There’s this fear that sick fatties especially serve as an example that contradicts the message of FA. So in-between, currently abled fatties serve as “poster children” for the movement, while the rest wonder how they fit in.

Is there hidden vestiges of fat prejudice behind this? Maybe there’s a part of me that I haven’t managed to excise yet which still contains the internalized message that I have to toe a certain line in order to deserve to be accepted as a fat person. Maybe I’ve transformed that message into the idea that I would be somehow “letting down the team” if I didn’t exercise and eat a balanced diet whenever I could afford to do so; That I have some kind of responsibility to the FA movement to be as perfect a representative as possible.

Or is it simply anticipating the fat prejudice of others? It could be that I’m afraid of being diagnosed with diabetes or heart disease (I expect both will show up in my life like genetic clockwork) because if I am fat and have one of the stigmatized “fat diseases” it will somehow take away the authority of my message. After all, wouldn’t I then be walking justification for all the “booga-booga-obesity!” hysteria? How can I say fat doesn’t cause diabetes if I’m fat and have diabetes?

No, what I think is more likely is that the real issue is self-confidence. Despite all my efforts towards banishing the self-hate and accepting my body in its natural state, there is still a part of me that feels I somehow have to earn the right to be treated as a human being. I still have that small lurking voice that tells me that I can only afford to be fat if I am Acceptable Fat, and toe the line of an acceptable lifestyle.

Now the first problem with that is that it hurts me personally. It attaches my self-image to the judgement of others, which is never healthy. I have made a point this summer of working on banishing the Acceptable Fat dependency in myself. Maybe peeling away those layers is what let me recognize this particular thought nugget.

The other problem is that no matter what my motivation, the myth of the good fattie lets itself out. By asserting my right to exist based on the premise that I exercise and eat healthy, I marginalize those who cannot or choose to not do those things. They, and I, have an inherent right to exist that has nothing to do with lifestyle or privilege. By hanging my lifestyle choices out like a flag of defiance I accomplish nothing but alienation. So I absolutely apologise if the unconscious belief in the Good Fattie has coloured my voice and opinions.

If I do believe that fat is not the cause of a person’s state of health, and if I do believe that everyone has the right to dignity and respect as a human being regardless of size, then it should naturally extend that they have that right regardless of health as well. Health issues are stigmatized in this country because we somehow still hold onto the Calvinistic belief that health is earned or forfeit through good behaviour. Supporting human rights for people of all sizes and states of health is accepting the idea that my own state of health is a combination of genetics and luck. It’s a heady thing to give up that illusion of control, but perhaps if health issues weren’t as stigmatized as they are, the superstitious need to blame something (previously sin, currently fatness) would also diminish. Or vice-versa.

All I know is that I really do believe that size acceptance applies at every point of the spectrum of body size. Healthy choices are possible at every point as well, but health is not a reflection of morality, any more than thinness or wealth.

******

Addendum: April D poked this topic with a "big old stick of introspection" that really heaped on more for me to think about! I highly recommend it.

******

Speaking Up

We were at my best friend's house, helping her and her family build an art studio, when a turning point arrived for me. Normally her household is pretty FA friendly, consisting of strong, empathetic, straightforward sort of people. Some of their near relations, however? Not so much. Her husband's brother showed up to help with the art studio wearing a tee shirt that said:

"I eat pussy like a fat kid eats cake"

Now this being a guy who hung a giant pink neoprene ball sack from his pickup truck's trailer hitch, I'm pretty used to his wearing shirts with sexual jokes on them. Since he prides himself on not caring what anyone else thinks, I doubt he even paused to consider whether he should wear this particular shirt on a day when he could expect to be surrounded by up to five fat women wielding hammers and power tools.

It wasn't my house or brother, but despite the handicap of a strong personal hospitality ethic, I spoke up. I told him his shirt was "fucking rude and obnoxious." I called it nasty. It took him a minute into the conversation to figure out that I wasn't talking about the sexual reference. I said it bluntly, but without anger. He took it well (meaning he didn't get all pissy and defensive, but then he's pretty easygoing as far as I can tell). I didn't get into FA 101 with him because I think it would be too much a challenge to his paradigm, but hopefully something got through.

The point is not whether he got it, but that I spoke up. I am too often willing to let things go rather than risk a confrontation; especially when I don't know the person very well. There's many a times when I've walked away from a situation with the "I should've said...." lines running through my head. I've often regretted being passive when I had an opportunity to speak up.

I can't promise myself that I will absolutely never shy away from a confrontation concerning prejudice (of any kind), but right now, in this case, I'm pretty proud of speaking up.

Oh, and rough framing a building in the sun when it's 95 degrees celsius and close to 100% humidity is my new definition of hell.

SAAS (Sewing at Any Size): Basic Panties/Swimsuit Bottom

SAAS: Sewing at Any Size : Basic Panties or Swimsuit Bottom

This is my series on Sewing at Any Size, a protest against overpriced, badly constructed and badly-fitted clothing options available to anyone who isn’t shaped like a fit model.

You can see the rest of the SAAS series by clicking on the category link on the sidebar. As this will eventually become a book, please do not re-publish or re-post this material. Feel free to link to it however, or print/save for your own personal use.

Whether you’re plus size and sick of paying too much for badly-constructed underwear, or non-plus size and want to express your artistic side, the panty is the perfect place to start. We’ll start with the absolute basic panty shape, then play with alternatives (bikini, boy shorts, thong, etc.) in future posts.

The easiest way to create a pattern for panties without a single measurement is to sacrifice an existing pair. Pick apart the side seams and lay it flat. Trace it onto a piece of sturdy fabric or paper so that you have a permanent pattern for the future. You may then be able to stitch the panties back together if you’re really attached to them.

When choosing your fabric, your options are limitless as long as it’s stretch. You will also need a small piece of coordinating tee-shirt material (check the remnant bin) to sew into the crotch as a pantyliner. This is optional of course. If you’re making this into the bottom of a two-piece swimsuit, use lycra blend swimsuit material for the main piece and both the binding and liner. You can use other materials, of course, but they may not react well to continued soakings or hold the shape when wet. If you’re making a swimsuit out of non-traditional swimsuit material, test the effects of chlorine on the fabric by washing a scrap in bleach.

If you really, really want to start from scratch on the panties, start with measurements:

Measure around your hips where you want the waistband to be. Divide this number by two. We’ll call this measurement “A”.

Measure around your upper thigh right where it meets the leg. We’ll call this measurement “B”.

Decide how far above the top of the leg you want the waistband to be. For high waisted panties this will be a larger number, for low waisted it will be smaller. We’ll call this measurement “C”.

Decide how wide you want the crotch to be. This is a good time to measure an existing pair of panties! Divide the number by two. We’ll call this measurement “D”.


We’ll start by making a pattern out of scrap fabric. You can also use a piece of brown paper bag for this, since the test pattern will be relatively small. Since you want the shape of the panties to be symmetrical, start by folding your scrap fabric in half.

Trace the approximate shape below (red lines) with the dotted line on the fold of the fabric.


Now the reason why you’re using test fabric or paper is that this shape will not be perfect! Cut it out and unfold it. Try it on (holding the sides together at “C”). Remember that we don’t have any seam or hem allowances yet, so it should fit exactly. Adjust the shape as needed to fit the way you want. If it needs to be smaller or narrower, cut away until you like it. If it needs to be larger, approximate how much and cut a new piece from your test fabric (if you’re using paper you may just be able to cut pieces and tape them on to expand areas instead of cutting a whole new piece.)

Once you like the shape, you have a pattern! You can continue to construct a practice pair out of your test fabric by applying the following instructions (recommended), or jump straight to your final fabric.

Trace your pattern onto your fabric.

Add ¼” to each edge that had the measurement “C” (the ones that will become the sides.) Use a pencil, chalk, or water-soluble marking pen (you can get them from the craft or fabric store).

When you cut out the shape, include the ¼” seam allowance you just created. The lines to cut are in red dots in the figure below.


We’re going to use stretch binding to finish the panties. You can also use ½” wide lightweight elastic, folding it over the edge like regular binding. If the original fabric you used has a good firm stretch, you can use a piece of it as binding.

See this post for instructions on how to use binding!

Stretch fabric, elastic and binding are notoriously hard to work with on a sewing machine, especially when dealing with tiny measurements like these. You want to use something to stabilize the fabric while you work with it to keep it from getting sucked down under your foot plate and ruined.

The ideal stabilizer for this project is probably lightweight tissue paper. I don’t mean kleenex or TP, I mean the stuff you use in art class or stuff into the top of gift bags. This is available at craft stores and card stores, or you can save it from past gifts. Place it between the fabric and the footplate as you sew, then tear it out later. Remaining scraps should come out when you wash it, or you can pick it out fairly easily.

If you choose to use a panty liner, cut a piece of tee-shirt or other lightweight jersey the width of the crotch and approximately half the length. Hem the top and bottom ends, and sandwich the sides into the binding along with the fabric of the main panty.



Sew binding along the top and bottom edges of the panty, and along the curves that will be the leg holes (red dotted lines below). If you added a liner, make sure the binding captures both layers of fabric. Make sure you place a layer of tissue paper under the fabric as you sew.


Fold the panty up with the right side together (the side you want to show while wearing it). Stitch the sides together, leaving a ¼” seam allowance.



If the fabric you use doesn’t unravel or shred when it’s stretched, you can simple trim the seam to where you want it and be done. If it does, add a strip of zig-zag stitches to secure it (or overlock if you have it available). Trim the fabric back to the stitches.

At this point you have a very basic pair of finished panties or a swimsuit bottom. In future posts we’ll go into variations on cut, assembly and decoration.

Response to Comment

From Carmen's comment on yesterday's post:

Dear Unapologetically Fat:

I like you and have been watching your blog for a while. I consider it insightful and intelligent. I enjoy reading your personal perspectives, but think you are a little duplicitous. Certainly, you have the right to be militant about embracing your size and empowering others to embrace theirs, but in your zeal (defensiveness?) you seemingly ostracize all others. In my observation, you hold the position that if a person is not fat or secure in their fat, then they need to shut the hell up.

I think that is definitely a prejudice of a different nature. Why is it okay to be accepting of only yourself and others who tilt the scales and not those who think it's responsible to salvage their health by reducing? Not all heavy people are healthy, by the way. Does that mean that everyone who does not align their perspectives with your fat acceptance is evil? Just askin'.

PS: I fully expect you to either 1) delete this comment or 2) throw rotten verbal eggs at it.

I had too much to say to restrict it to a responding comment, so I decided to take the opportunity of having nothing else to write about today.

What I'm reading here is a classic response to any civil rights stand, in short: By asserting your right to be a human being, aren't you trying to limit my rights in the process?

It's very common when questioning the status quo of any form of prejudice to be accused of "reverse prejudice" in the process. It's why feminists are stereotyped as hating men, or civil rights leaders are accused of such nonsense as "reverse racism" or playing "race cards". (note, once again, I'm NOT playing the "my oppression is worse than your's!" game.) I've frequently seen accusations thrown at the FA community that we are somehow resentful towards thin people, or think they don't have a voice in body acceptance. The fact is that my asserting that I am a human being is a reflection of EVERYONE being a human being. I don't have to resent you in order to respect myself. That would actually be pretty counter-productive.

There's a reason why I generally don't specifically address body acceptance in terms thin people; it's because I have no experience whatsoever AS a thin person. This blog is all about my personal experience and perspective, and to try and fake the perspective of a thin person WOULD be duplicitous. I'm sorry if you personally feel left out, but (and this is important):

There is a big difference between expressing my personal voice and experience, and oppressing the voice and experience of others.

I cannot be all inclusive on this blog. I'm not a man, for instance. I regret that there aren't more men offering up their voices in FA, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm currently abled and Cis-gendered, which means I can't speak from those experiences either, despite also hoping that those who can speak up.

Another point is that a lot of what I say DOES apply to anyone, regardless of weight. Body-image oppression against fat people IS body image oppression against thin people, young people, old people, male people, female people, etc. The hatred directed against fat affects or has potential to affect the confidence, health and body image of everyone exposed to it in any way. The very nature of Fat Acceptance is all inclusive.

I believe that everyone should be secure in their body...period. That means being secure and accepting of your weight no matter what that weight is. If your body is not inclined towards being fat, no amount of body confidence in the world will make you fat. If your body is not inclined towards being thin, no amount of body confidence (or, to that matter, dieting, surgery or willpower) will make you permanently thin.

The only people who I think need to shut the fuck up on this issue are people who want to force their ideas of healthy, fit, thin, pretty, etc. onto ME. The ones who think their opinion should have anything to do with how my body looks. That's the line between respecting your right to your opinion and adopting that opinion for my own.

Now while the first paragraph of your comment invites reasonable debate, the second is pretty trollish. I'm not going to spend nearly the time on it. Deliberately reducing your weight is NOT being responsible for your health; in fact more and more studies are showing that it is outright harmful to your health. Read the 101 section for more info, as I've gone over this many times. There are healthy and unhealthy fat people, healthy and unhealthy thin people. trying to become artificially thin is not "salvaging" anything, nor inversely is accepting your body somehow giving up on your health. Fat and Thin are not indicators of health, and only the pharmaceutical companies and Jenny Craig would have you think otherwise. This blog is about body acceptance. You cannot accept and respect your current body while seeking to change it. They are mutually exclusive states of mind. I blog about body acceptance because that is the path I'm on.

Having said that, if you feel like your body is unacceptable and you need to change it, that's your decision. Your body is none of my business. But the reverse of that is true as well. My body is none of your's. Or the CDC's. Or the Washington Post's. Or the random asshat driving by in a rusted pickup truck. The moment we go from copacetic and someone's opinion is their own is when they try to enforce THEIR opinion on MY body. Their right to an opinion ends where my body begins.

As far as thinking everyone whose opinion is different than mine is evil, that's a helluva stretch. I have strong opinions. I have a blog to express those opinions. You aren't forced to read them :-)