SAAS (Sewing at Any Size): Making Bad Clothes Better

I'm doing a couple of entries in my Sewing at Any Size series on troubleshooting existing clothes. I hear a lot about how there's great clothes out there that just don't fit anyone; here's a few tricks you might be able to use to widen your options. I would practice these first before buying brand-new clothes with the intention of hacking them up. Garage sale season is a perfect opportunity, as are clothes you would normally throw away or donate because of their lack of perfectness.

You can access the rest of the SAAS series by clicking on the topic link on the side bar. As this may eventually become a book, please do not reprint or republish this anywhere else. You may, of course print for your own personal use!

TROUBLESHOOTING 101 (Making the Best of Bad Clothes):

Part 1 of 2 part series. If you have specific fit issues you run into often, please post a comment and I'll see if it's something I can write out a fix for!

Problem: The Infamous Button Gap

I’ve been in the try-on room with the MOST ABSOLUTELY DIVINE OMG PERFECT BLOUSE, only to find out that when the shirt goes on over actual breasts there’s a big gap between buttons right at cleavage level. There are two easy fixes for this. They both begin by buttoning the shirt on a flat surface and pinning the area where it gaps so that it remains closed with the button line lying flat down the front of the garment.

Fix one is appropriate if you don’t mind pulling the shirt on and off over your head instead of unbuttoning it. Basically you take some thread the same color as the fabric (or transparent nylon thread) and make several small overlaping stitches at the gap. You may be able to hide the fix further by catching only the bottom layer of fabric on the side with the buttonholes, but this also has the potential to tear away on delicate fabric when it goes through the washer.

Fix 2 allows you to wear the shirt unbuttoned or take it off without pulling it over your head. Go to the fabric store and get sets of “hook and eye”connectors. They’re essentially the same thing you use to fasten a bra. Turn the shirt inside out (remember the spot is pinned into the position you want it). On the edge of the strip that goes under the other (the side with buttons), stitch the hook part of the hook and eye to the fabric with the hook facing out towards the front of the shirt. Your stitches go through the little flat loops attached to the hook (see drawing). Hook the “eye” (loop) part through the attached hook and make sure it lays flat. Stitch in place to the side of the shirt with the button holes. Try it on with the loop hooked and see if it lies flat (you may have to adjust it).

(Note: Fix 2 assumes that the gap is over the cleavage where the hook and eye won’t rub on skin and create a sore spot).

Problem: They Never Make Clothes in Good Colors

The fix here is obvious, in that the clothes may need to be dyed. If it’s cotton, hemp or linen then you can use the RIT dyes available at any fabric store. If it’s wool, silk or other natural animal fiber (other than leather or hide), you’ll need what’s called an “acid dye”. There are other specific dyes for leather and suede, and even for rayon. I’ve found the best source for specialty dyes is Dharma Trading, http://www.dharmatrading.com/ . They even carry natural vegetable dyes and ready-to-dye natural fiber fabrics (cotton, linen, hemp, silk) by the yard.

If you dye a lot, I'd recommend investing in a big stainless steel or ceramic coated stock pot that is entirely dedicated to dying. Don't use aluminum, it can react to certain dyes to create toxic fumes. This will save a lot of wear and tear on your washing machine.

Problem: They Only Make Clothes to Fit Tall Women!

The answer is to hem it, whether it’s the sleeves or bottom hem. If it only needs to come up a little bit you can just fold and stitch. If it needs to come up more than ½” then you may need to cut. There are several options for a finished look:

If you’d like a clean edge to the hem or don’t have a sewing machine, cut the fabric 1” below where you want it to hang. Fold under ½”, then fold again to tuck the raw edge under. Iron the folds for a crease and/or pin, then stitch.

If you’d like a cuff or visible hem you would follow the same process, except folding up in the opposite direction (towards the outside of the garment). Stitch at the top and bottom of the fold.

If you have knit fabric (such as a tee shirt), cut the hem ½” below where you’d like it to hang. Overstitch the raw edge. This means a series of small stitches right at the edge, with a perpendicular stitch looping over the raw edge of the fabric for each straight stitch. This keeps the fabric (especially knits) from unravelling and helps it wear longer. The overstitch function on your sewing machine should look like one of these:

After overstitching the edge, fold up ½” to the inside, iron to crease, pin and stitch.

Knits are hard because the stitches need to stretch with the fabric. If you have a sewing machine that can handle a double-needle you can use a double-needle straight stitch to give a tee shirt hem a factory- look finish. If you have a sewing machine with a stretch stitch (/\/\/\/\) then you can use that to finish the hem and it will look just fine. If you have to hand-sew, consider stretching out the fabric while you sew a straight-stitch so that the stitching has give. Practice on some throwaway fabric to get the right amount of stretch without the stitches bunching.

Sometimes you can’t hem from the bottom because of a print or pattern. Unfortunately this will take more sewing skill to solve since it means you must go to the nearest seam (armhole, waistband, etc.), cut or pluck out the stitches (there’s a tool called a seam-ripper that’s designed specifically for this), note how the seam attaches and take in more fabric. Re-attach the seam lower on the skirt using basting stitches (long loose stitches easy to rip out) BEFORE cutting any fabric; you’ll probably need to make adjustments. If this is the issues remember that there may be a limit as to how much you can take in before the look and fit of the garment is lost.

Problem: They Only Make Clothes to Fit Short Women!

This is one I run into a lot because I’m tall. Shirts that are designed to fall to the hips only reach my waist. Skirts meant to hit the ankle get me at mid-calf. Sometimes it’s hopeless, but sometimes I can fix it. Basically the fix is to add fabric. Some really high-quality well made tailored outfits are made to be let out an inch or so, but they’re not going to waste fabric in sweatshops making the clothes adjustable.

For too-short sleeves you have two options. One is to shorten the sleeves (see the last section) so that they’re ¾ or short-sleeve instead of long. The other is to find matching or contrasting fabric and add it to the sleeve. Hemlines are pretty much a matter of adding fabric, as are too-low necklines on shirts designed for the tiny-busted.

Fabric can be added anywhere: top, bottom or middle. Too-short sleeves are always a problem for me, so I’ve experimented a lot. For one design I cut the sleeve back to a little below the elbow, added a strip of lace (hem the raw edge of the sleeve fabric, then stitch the lace to the underside/hemmed side) then made a bell sleeve of a coordinating color. This is a bit of a romantic and flamboyant look, but might work for you. The strip of lace could also be a stripe of contrasting or coordinating fabric or ribbon. The same technique can also be used to lengthen the torso of a shirt or length of a skirt.

Sleeve Construction:

L is length from existing sleeve cutoff to desired cuff. Remember to consider ½” will be taken off each piece of fabric every time fabric meets, and allow hem or cuff fabric at wrist opening.

W is the circumference of the opening of the existing sleeve. Remember to add 1” of fabric for a seam when you sew the fabric into a tube.

F is the Flare, or however much you want the wrist cuff to differ from the point where you attach the sleeve extension. If you want a fitted cuff, make this a negative number (i.e. reverse the trapezoid).

Of course if you only have an inch or so to add, it’s much simpler just to attach something at the wrist to lengthen the sleeve. Check a fabric store for interesting trims, like lace, crochet, ribbon and other fun notions.

Problem: They Only Make Clothes for Gigantic Boobs!

The Dart is your friend. Not the kind you throw at photos of major clothing line designers who think all women look like fit models, but elongated triangles that make two-dimensional fabric follow a three-dimensional form.

The most common type of dart begins at a seam and comes out into a point. This forces the fabric to “bend” around the dart, create a form that hopefully follows your body. Not all shirts or tops lend themselves to darting, but quite a few can use darts to adapt to your body shape.

If a garment fits you everywhere except for being too baggy in the breasts, for instance, you’ll want to use horizontal darts to take up the extra fabric. The downside is that this may also make the garment shorter (particularly at the sides), so be forewarned. This is much easier with a friend to help, but can be done in front of a mirror.

First turn the shirt inside out and put it on. Use your fingers to pinch together equal folds of fabric at the side seams until the shirt feels like a better fit. Experiment with both the width and length of the fold, which should be wider at the seam and fold as a triangle with the point no further towards the buttons than your nipple. When you have the perfect amount of fabric pinched to make the garment fit you, pin it in place. This is your dart. Stitch along the line of pins, check it again for fit, then iron the fold to one side or the other so that it lies flat.



The problem now is that you've shortened the front of the garment, but not the back. You need to carefully remove the stitches from the side seam (again, using a seam ripper) up to the dart. Hem the back of the shirt to the same length as the front and re-attach the side seams.


Problem: They Only Make Clothes For Tiny Boobs!

For the opposite problem (fits the breasts, too loose below them) begin your dart from the bottom hem and keep it fairly straight until just below where it hits the breasts, then taper to a triangle (see second graphic above). This is a much easier adjustment as you don't have to rip any seams out!

If the clothes are baggy everywhere, the solution is to buy clothes that fit you .

Problem: They Only Make Bras For Tiny Boobs!

Darts can also be used to adjust a bra. If a bra is the right band size but just barely too large in the cup, take a small dart on both sides of both cups to bring it in and fit you comfortably. If it's considerably too big, consider taking a solid seam across the front. The downside is that the extra fabric from the dart might rub or create an uneven shape. It’s always better to get bras that fit, but for those of us who don’t have a week’s grocery money to blow on one, this is a good cheater.


End of Part 1

If you have fit issues you'd like me to tackle in part 2, please post them in comments. No guarantees that I'll be able to, but I'll give it a shot!

SAAS (Sewing at Any Size): The Peasant Skirt

PEASANT SKIRT

This is another in my series called SAAS: Sewing at Any Size. It's also the last style of skirt I'll be covering, but hopefully with the half-dozen already described you can have almost any skirt your heart desires.

I hope to help women of all sizes thumb their noses at the overpriced poor-quality ugly crap found in mainstream stores this year. Quite a few basic wardrobe items can be made without commercial patterns, just by applying a little basic math and undertanding how things are shaped.

You can follow the SAAS series by clicking on the SAAS topic on the blog sidebar. As this will eventually be a book, please do not re-print or publish this information anywhere. You can, of course, print it for your own personal use!

I love peasant skirts, usually because they’re one of the few styles that are long enough to hit my ankles instead of mid-calf. While the traditional peasant skirt would be made out of light cotton or linen that crinkles and floats, experimenting sometimes offers interesting results. This is actually what sparked the idea for this series, because Fashion Bug wanted $60 for a knee-length peasant skirt made out grey sweatpant material. Seriously. It did look cute and I might have paid up to $20 to save myself the work, but no more than that.

This pattern made up in knit will give you a more form-following skirt that falls down instead of out. You may have to adjust the height of each panel to compensate, so if you’re using knit try to use basting stitches at first in case it needs to be taken up. Heavier material is fun to work with too. I made this pattern up in a medium weight white canvas-type material (like that used in cargo pants) so that I had a hippie skirt sturdy enough to wear to Pagan events that call for camping, light in color (biting black flies are attracted to dark colors) but thick enough that I didn’t have to wear anything under it to keep it from being see-through (a must in hot weather!). I’m thinking of making a corduroy version just to see how it turns out.

I’ll start with the assumption that you want to make an ankle-length, 4-tier peasant skirt in lightweight fabric. If you’d like to vary this, use test fabric (such as cheap fabric or old bedsheets) to experiment until you have the look you’re going for, and use that as a pattern. Remember to use long, loose stitches (basting stitches) to assemble test fabric garments so that you can easily take them apart later.

We’re going to use the larger of your waist or hip measurement. Your waist is where you normally wear the waistband of a skirt; the hips would be the largest point below that. Pick one. We’ll call this number W for Width.

Now measure from your waist to the point where you want the hemline of the skirt to be. We’ll assume that all the seams between two tiers are going to be ½”. We also want to add ½” for the hem at the bottom and top and subtract for the waistband, so take your length and add 3”. This total number will be called L for Length.

You’ll be cutting 8 pieces of fabric for the main skirt, as each tier will be two pieces. Here’s how to calculate their size (and remember your high school math):

I used decimals instead of fractions so that you can hopefully work these measurements out on a simple calculator. Round up each measurement to the nearest ¼ inch to make it easy on yourself. I’ll give you an example:

For a woman with a 60” Waist (assuming waist is larger than hips) wanting a skirt 33” Long, cut the following pieces:

Piece 1: Cut 2 pieces at 32” by 8”
Piece 2: Cut 2 pieces at 48.75” by 9”
Piece 3: Cut 2 pieces at 63” by 9”
Piece 4: Cut 2 pieces at 80” by 10”

Now this would give me an A-line peasant skirt with a very full bottom. If I wanted something less bulky I would reduce the lower three tiers a bit, but never making a tier smaller than the one above it. I might do 32”, 40”, 50” and 60” to wind up with a bottom tier about twice my waist and reducing the bulk of the skirt.

Remember that if you’re making each tier out of the same fabric you need to cut all the pieces with the fabric facing the same direction. If your largest tier is longer than the fabric is wide, you’ll need to cut them lengthwise. You can stagger them to use the fabric efficiently, like this:

This means that when buying your fabric, you’ll want to get a length at least equal to the length of pieces 1 and 4. Make sure it’s wide enough to also do a 2” waistband.

Take the two halves of piece 1, lay them “right side” together (i.e. the side you want visible when wearing the skirt). Sew each end together to create a loop.


Repeat for each set of pieces, so that you have four fabric loops (we’ll call them loops 1-4 instead of pieces 1-4 from here).

On the wrong side /inside of each loop (the side with the seams sticking up) make 16 marks with pencil, chalk or fabric marker, about the same distance apart, beginning with the seams (8 on each piece). This doesn’t have to be exact, but try to get them relatively evenly spaced.


Take loops 1 and 2 and lay them right-side together (the side you want showing when you wear the skirt) with the top of each loop matched up. Rotate them so that the seams do NOT line up, but each fall about ¼ of the way around the circle from each other. Pin the seam on loop 1 to the nearest mark on loop 2.

Find the mark on loop 2 opposite the one you just pinned, so that there’s an equal amount of “loose” fabric on either side of loop 1. Pin the other seam of loop one to this opposite mark.


Find the marks halfway around on each loop and pin them together so that the inside loop is attached in four places:


Find the marks halfway between each pinned mark on each loop, match them up and pin. Repeat so that all 16 points are pinned together.

Using the sewing machine or hand-stitching, run a straight stitch around the loops, catching the extra fabric in the outer loop as small folds or pleats. The sixteen divisions are to make sure that the extra fabric is taken up evenly throughout the loop and not bunching up anywhere. Try to spread the pleats evenly in each section, but a peasant skirt style is much more forgiving of uneveness than a pleated skirt, and you may actually want to mix up the size and directon of the folds for a more freestyle look.

An alternate way to do this is to run very long basting stitches around the top of the larger loop using strong thread, and use the thread as a drawstring to bunch and adjust the fabric until it matches up in size with the smaller loop, then stitch it on gathers and all. I find that the pin method gives more even folds all around without the risk of the thread snapping while you’re adjusting the drawstring and making you start all over again. (This happened twice the first time I made a peasant skirt, which is why I came up with the pin method.)

Fold the fabric down and iron flat. Repeat for the next two loops.

Hem the bottom loop up by ½” from the bottom edge (either before or after attaching the top edge to the skirt).

Follow the instructions in Making a Gored Skirt for creating a waistband for your peasant skirt.


OPTIONS:

Add lace, ribbon or other trim to each tier of the skirt. If the trim has two finished edges (such as lace or ribbon) you can simply stitch it onto the skirt at the seam. If the trim is meant to be tucked, or has a raw edge, you can sandwich it between the tiers when you attach them to each other, so that the part of the trim you’d like visible hangs out of the seam on the right side of the skirt.

For fewer tiers or a shorter skirt, use test fabric to adjust the pieces until you have what you want. Just remember that each tier needs to be larger than the one above it for the gathered, peasant skirt look.

SAAS (Sewing at Any Size): Pleated Skirt (and curtains)

Yep, it's definitely skirt week! Since they're the easiest thing to sew I thought I'd get them all out of the way before moving on to more complicated things. The same basic concept can be used to make your own pleated curtains and valances, so I've included the basic instructions for that at the bottom.


For those of you first joining me with this post, I'm doing a series on Sewing at Any Size to address the general ugliness of clothes this year, unavailability of certain sizes, and the over-complicatedness of sewing patterns. My goal is to help people who've never sewn before actually make basic clothes to fit them without having to learn complicated techniques. You can follow the series by clicking on the SAAS topic link on the sidebar.

As this will eventually be a book, please don't reproduce or re-print it anywhere. You can certainly print for your own personal use (that's what it's for).

PLEATED SKIRT

Once you get the pleating down, this is actually one of the easiest skirts to make. Choose fabric that will hold a crease when you iron it (cotton, linen or blends with high cotton/linen content). You'll need to reference the information on waistbands in the first skirt entry here.

For the basic skirt you will want your waist measurement (where you normally wear a skirt or pant’s waistband) your hip measurement (widest point below the waist) and the length from the waist to where you want the hemline (we’ll call this last number L for Length).

Of your waist and hip measurements, which is larger? You want this to fit you comfortably everywhere, so no cheating! My waist is larger than my hips due to a belly, so I use that measurement. Multiply the number by three and add 3” (we’ll call the total number W for waist).

Cut a rectangle of fabric W by L. (remember to use test fabric, like old bedsheet material or pennies by the yard type clearance fabric, so that you can practice without ruining the expensive stuff!)

There are two types of pleat that work for this. One is the knife pleat and the other is the box pleat. The knift pleat will give you a more form-following pleat as it’s designed to fall straight down along the pleat lines. The box pleat will cause the skirt to flare out from the waistline, like a tennis skirt. Try them on your test fabric to see which you like better.

First decide which of the two long sides is the bottom hem. Fold up ½” of fabric, iron it to lie flat, and sew it closed (essentially, hem it). Hemming will be much more awkward once the pleats are in place.

Using a ruler or measuring tape along the top (unhemmed) long edge, make a mark every 1 inch with a marker, pencil or chalk. Number them from left to right starting with the first pencil mark (1,2,3,4,5,6,7)

Have a hot iron and ironing board ready.

This may be a tough visual, but look at the numbered marks on your fabric and follow along.

For the knife pleat: fold the fabric so that mark 2 touches mark 4. Iron down the crease all the way to the hem and pin at the top. Then fold the fabric so that mark 5 touches mark 7. Repeat the iron/pin.

If you notice the pattern so far, you skip one inch, then accordian-fold the next three marks together, then skip a mark and repeat. The final result should look something like this:


Note: While my lack of drafting skills makes the pleats look slightly uneven, try to make your’s as even as possible for a finished look.

For the Box Pleat, you still want to have your 1 inch marks numbered. Take marks 1 and 5 and bring them in so that they touch at mark 3. Iron the seams flat and pin at the top. Take marks 7 and 11 and bring them in to touch mark 9. Iron the crease and pin. Continue the pattern all the way across the fabric. The end result should look something like this:
Finishing

Using a straight stitch, run a line of long, loose stitches (a.k.a. basting) about an inch from the top of the fabric, capturing the pleats


Now, using the larger of your waist/hip measurement, measure along the top of the fabric and make sure the finished size is correct. Pin the short ends together (leaving ½” seam) and hold the skirt about an inch below your waist. If it’s too large, trim a few pleats off to fit. If it’s too long, run another line of basting stitches an inch below the desired length to hold the pleats in place and cut away above the new row of stitches. Remember that you’ll have a 1” waistband at the top.

Check for fit again, then close the skirt by putting the two ends together with the right side of the fabric (the side you want visible when you’re wearing the skirt) facing each other and stitching ½” from the fabric edge. This will create a seam that is only visible on the inside of the skirt.

Follow the instructions in the entry on gored/panel skirts for making an elastic or drawstring waistband for your pleated skirt. When using test/practice fabric be sure to use basting stitches so that you can tear it apart later and use it as a pattern.

When you’ve assembled the entire skirt using test fabric, mastered the art of pleating and made any adjustments to the size and fit, tear it apart and use the pieces as a pattern for making the final skirt out of good fabric.

Note: you can experiment with the size of the pleat by making the mark increments larger or smaller (1/2”, 2”, etc.). Use test fabric to see what the final result will look like!

ADD ON: CURTAINS

The same pleating methods can be used to make curtains and valances for your windows. For a set of two curtains, measure the window you’d like to cover. Take the width, multiply it by 1.3 (so that the curtains gather and overhang the sides of the windows), then multiply that number by three and divide by two. We’ll call this number W for width.

Determine your length (usually a few inches below the sill, but could also be floor length to add height to the room). Figure out what you’re using as a curtain rod (for instance I use eyehooks and lengths of ½” thick bamboo. It’s cheap and looks interesting.). Hang the curtain rod above the window. Take a measuring tape, drape the end around the curtain rod in a loop until you like how it hangs (remember to leave it loose enough to get the rod in and out of the fabric). Find the point on the measuring tape where you want the hem to hang and add ½”. We’ll call this total number L for Length. Look at where the tape looped over the curtain rod meets itself and note this number. This is the amount of fabric you’ll need for the curtain rod sleeve at the top of the panel.

Cut a rectangle of fabric WxL. Hem the sides and bottom of the curtain panel and follow the pleating instructions above. When you’re done, measure down the fabric by the amount you determined you’d need for the curtain rod sleeve. If you’d like to double check you can actually hang the curtains, pin them onto the rod and check the length. Run a line of basting stitches across the fabric where the loop will join to hold the pleats in place.

Make sure the top (rod sleeve) is folded in the same direction as the bottom and side hems. Stitch it onto the main curtain. Slide it through the rod pocket and you’re done!

Sewing at Any Size (SAAS): Variations on the Gored/Panel Skirt

VARIATIONS ON A THEME (Skirts, Gored/Paneled)

The first entries in my SAAS series (Sewing at any size) gave instructions for a gored (paneled) skirt without needing a commercial pattern. This is part 2 of the same theme, with variations on the same basic process. I’ll cover making an inset skirt, wrap skirt and a lined or reversible skirt.
INSETS

This is where you have wedges of contrasting fabric texture or color between the gores to widen the hem and create a “flippy skirt” look. The insets should be the same weight or lighter weight than the fabric of the skirt. The idea that these insets are invisible at rest, but when you move they flip open and flash the constrasting color or texture, then close again. This is best accomplished using 6 or more gores.

Follow directions for the basic gore skirt panels. When you connect the panels together, only stitch 2/3 or 3/4 down the trapezoid and leave the bottom unhemmed.

Flip the panels over and open the seam, folding the seam of each gore back onto itself. Continue this seam all the way down the skirt.
Measure the length of the opening from where you left off stitching and add 1” (we’ll call this L). Cut the contrasting/inset fabric into a trapezoid 4” wide and (L) inches long. We’ll call this the Inset. If the fabric is a kind that frays/shreds easily, use pinking shears to keep it under control. These are scissors that cut in a zig-zag pattern like /\/\/\/\/\/\ . You can also put a row of stitches about 1/2" in from the edge to control fray.

Place the skirt seam-side (wrong side) up in front of you. Place the Inset fabric right-side down on top of it. Pull the seam of the skirt open 3” at the bottom and pin it to the Inset fabric, leaving ½” of inset fabric overlapping as a seam.

Trim away the extra fabric from the inset (up to any fray-control stitches you added) and finish the skirt as usual.

EASY WRAP SKIRT

Make the skirt gores as above but leave one seam between gores unsewn and add an extra panel. (if using 6+ gores, add two or more extra panels).

Instead of closing the last seam to make a round skirt, just fold the raw edges of the two end panels under ½” and sew. You can also create a contrasting trim on what will be the outside/visible edge by taking a 2” strip of another fabric, folding both sides into the middle (iron to crease), sandwiching it over the raw edge and stitching into place.
Hem ½” from the bottom of all panels. Hem ½” from the top as well.

The waistband will be a little different and a lot longer. Use the instructions on how to make a drawstring in the section on waistbands, but use a wider (2”) piece of fabric with a length three times your waist measurement. Turn it inside out and iron it so that it lies flat. Attach as you would a waistband (but before sewing the skirt into a circle) so that equal lengths are left dangling on each end.

For a faux wrap skirt that stays closed, take the edge you want on the underside of the wrap and pin it to the second panel from the finished end. Stitch ½ to 2/3 of the way down the seam, letting the rest stay open. For a regular open-wrap skirt, skip this step and proceed to the next.

Where the two ends connect behind the wrap front, use a pin or seam ripper to pick just enough stitches below where the waistband meets the skirt panel to thread one end of the long tail through the hole. You may want to use a needle and thread to make a few extra stitches on either side of the hole to help reinforce it. Thread the inside waistband tail through the hole.


Wrap the two tail ends of the waistband around you in opposite directions and tie.



SKIRT WITH LINER / REVERSIBLE SKIRT

The technique is the same to make the basic gore skirt with a liner, or to make a reversible skirt that can be worn either side out. As the waistband will be a single material you may want to choose fabric that coordinates with it for the reverse side.

First you use the basic gore skirt pattern above to make two sets of gores. The second set of gores will be made either from lining material or coordinating material for a reversible look. Sew each set together seperately and iron the bottom edge as if hemming (do not stitch the hem yet).

Place the two skirts one inside the other with the seams facing each other. Match up the hems as precisely as possible and pin to hold in place. Try to get the gore seams to match up as well to prevent pulling.

Very carefully stitch the two hems together, close to the crease.

Make a waistband per the normal instructions, using whichever fabric you want to be visible from both sides. (note: you can also put a strip of this near the hem of the coordinating side for a cute retro look. See instructions for making contrasting trim in the section for a faux wrap skirt).

To attach the waistband, fold each layer inward/towards each other ½” and sandwich the raw edge of the waistband between them. Iron the layers for a crease and pin the layers in this position. Put on the skirt and check for fit and that both layers lay flat without bunching or bagging. Unpin and adjust as necessary before stitching close to crease.
Insert elastic or drawstring per the waistband instructions for the gore skirt. If you’re making a reversible skirt I’d recommend elastic, as the drawstring will be on the inside when you reverse the skirt.

That's it! You should now be able to make a wide variety of skirts of any size or length without ever touching a commercial pattern.

SAAS (Sewing at Any Size): Making a Gored Skirt

In continuance of my rant about the lack/price of basic wardrobe elements, I’m starting a series on clothes that anyone can sew without buying a pattern or learning complicated techniques. My intention is not to turn anyone into a seamstress or master of haute couture, just to help us all collectively thumb our noses at anyone who expects us to pay $60 for a simple skirt in cheap, ugly fabric.

As I go along, you can access the entire series by selecting SAAS from the topic list on the left hand bar of my blog. Eventually this may become an E-book, so while you’re welcome to print this for your own use, please don’t re-print it or publish any part of it anywhere.

At this point I have plans to do entries on skirts (peasant, gored/paneled and wrap), very basic tops and simple dresses, plus a few accessories like sarongs and scrunchies. I might get into some costumes later in the series.

While I give instructions for a sewing machine you can hand-sew most of these if you don’t have one (it’ll just take longer). You can also buy one of those hand-held sewing machine for $20 that only does one or two stitches. You do have the option of using fabric glue to put these together, but it isn’t the best option. Fabric glue will not hang as well, last as long, or look as good as sewing the garment with thread. You can give it a try on test fabric to find out if you think it’ll work for your look.

The instructions may be irritatingly simplistic for more advanced sewers, but I’m catering to the readers who don’t already know how to sew, while trying to include variations for those who do. Instructions are also in non-metric. My apologies for those in countries with a more rational measurement system.

Test Fabric

Always make a rough draft! Use super-cheap fabric or even bedsheets and curtains from garage sales to make a trial version of something before you waste your good fabric. You want to be able to fit, adjust, clip, or replace bits to get the best possible fit, and some expensive fabrics are very unforgiving of this process. Believe me, it's worth making twice to get it right. Once you have a finished test garment you can pull it apart and use it as a pattern. You can trace the outline of the pieces onto any fabric and make several versions of the same skirt; always knowing it will fit because you fixed any fit problems in the rough draft. Always use long, loose stitches (basting stitches) on the rough draft so that it can be picked apart later. When you make your final skirt, use a basic straight stitch (--------).

THE GORED SKIRT

Most of the skirts for sale are gored skirts, whether A-line, pencil or miniskirt. Gores are panels that are narrower and the top and wider at the bottom. The variation you see in fit, flippiness and patterns are all variations on a very basic model.

First you need four measurements. Your waist is wherever you normally wear the waistband of your skirt. Your hips are the widest point below that. The length from waist to hem is the length you want the finished skirt to be. Don't suck in your belly or stand at rigid attention for these measurements; just measure your actual body, relaxed. After all, fudging the numbers will only result in a poor fit!

Waist:
Hips:
Distance from Waist to Hip:
Length from Waist to Hem:

Next you need to decide how many panels you’d like. If they’re all going to be the same fabric I’d recommend 4-6 gores. If you want to make each panel a different color or fabric for a funky look, you can go with more gores, but remember they’re more work. You might count the number of sections between seams on a favorite skirt, or do a Google Image search for “gore skirt” to get an idea of how it looks.

I’m going to give instructions for a four-gore skirt, which is really the minimum for a good fit that follows the rounded shape of the body. More gores or gores that are wider at the bottom will produce an A-line skirt, while gores that are closer to a square will give you a pencil skirt. You can adjust the instructions below to any number of gores simply by substituting that number anywhere you see “four”.

Adjust your measurements:
Add two inches to your waist measurement and divide the total number by four (this number will be referred to as W for waist)

**Note that this allows 2 inches of "ease" to get the skirt on and off. If your hips are more than 2-3" larger than your waist you'll want to adjust this number wider. You can always take fabric off if you make it too large, but it's a PITA to add it ON if you make it too small.

Divide your hip measurement by four (this number will be referred to as H for hip)
Use your Waist to Hem number (this will be referred to as L for length)

Using your test fabric and a pencil or marker and straight edge, draw three lines onto the fabric:

Use the measurements above for the length/width of the lines. The distance between W and H should be your Waist to Hip measurement.

Now draw a trapezoid around the three lines, using W as the top of the shape and extending the bottom down to the end of L. If your hips are wider than your waist, make sure the sides of the trapezoid clear both ends of the H line. It should look something like this:
Now add ½ inch to every edge of the trapezoid. This is what’s called a “seam allowance” because it represents fabric that will be on the loose side of the seam when everything is stitched together.
Congratulations, you have a pattern! Still using your test fabric, cut out four copies of this, using the outermost (dashed) trapezoid for the line to cut.

Note: It may occur to you as a time saver to fold the fabric into quarters so that you can cut all four pieces at once. You can get away with this on the test fabric, but when you make the final project you want to cut every piece with the fabric facing the same direction. This is more obvious when you have a pattern (the pattern on half the pieces will be upside down if you cut on folded fabric) but even fabric without a color pattern has differences. The threads may be woven in a particular direction, resulting in a difference in the way the light hits it from each angle. This extra step of cutting out all the pieces with the fabric facing the same direction will result in a more professional-looking end result.

Pin the four gores together at the long end, ½ inch in from the edge (just like they’d be sewn). Step into the circle and hold the skirt about 1/2” below your waist. Does it fit well? Is it too tight or too roomy anywhere? Too long? (Remember the finished skirt will be ½" shorter when you hem it and the waistband will gather the top). Now is the time to adjust the size of the trapezoid. You can cut away more fabric from each gore (try to cut the same amount from each panel to avoid looking lopsided and remember to leave that half-inch seam allowance on all sides.) If it’s too small or short, you may have to cut new panels from your test fabric (which is why we use test fabric for the first try).

After adjusting the panels, fold the bottom of the skirt up ½”, iron it and pin or stitch the hem with long, loose stitches you can easily rip out later (this is called "basting"). Check the length again.

THE WAISTBAND

There are generally a few options for a skirt waistband without involving zippers or buttons. I’ll describe the basics of an elastic waistband and a drawstring waistband (we’ll address wrap skirts and ties in another entry).

Add three inches to your waist measurement. This should be the same as the circumference of the finished skirt plus one inch. Cut a two inch wide strip of fabric to this length.

Skip the next step (adding fusible interfacing) for your test fabric skirt if you'd like, but follow the directions in the final version. If you're only working with your test fabric, skip down to where you stitch the two ends of the waistband together. If you're using test fabric make sure you use the basting stitches (long, loose stitches that are easy to rip out later). When making your final skirt, use a standard straight stitch.

Lightweight fusible interfacing is available at any fabric store and many box stores that have a craft section. It is a layer of synthetic material that irons onto your fabric to make it stronger and help it hold it's shape. Cut a length of it to the same dimensions as the fabric (you can lay one on top of the other and cut both at once).

Follow the instructions on the fusible interfacing. Generally there’ll be a coated and plain side to the fusible fabric. One has heat-activated adhesive that melts onto your fabric. Place this side against the “backside” of your fabric (the side you don’t want to show, also known as the “wrong side”)

(Note: if you’re using synthetic fabric, place a square of test fabric (preferably cotton) or a square cut from a paper grocery bag between the iron and the fusible. This will protect your real fabric from melting or scorching).

Iron the fusible onto the wrong side of the fabric per the instructions on the package. You’re done when you cannot separate the two with gentle tugging.

Fold the raw edges of the waistband over the fusible (about ¼”) and stitch to create a clean edge.

Stitch the two ends of the waistband flat together like this, leaving 1/4” seam allowance:


Now take the loop of fabric and fold it lengthwise with the fusible on the inside so that you have a 1” wide loop of folded fabric. Iron this so that it has a nice crease (use the protective square of paper or fabric as needed, to keep your fabric from melting or getting shiny with the heat).

To attach the waistband to the skirt, you want to turn the skirt right-side out (so that the other seams are inside. You will be pinning the waistband upside down on the right side of the skirt, so that when it’s flipped up into position the seam will be on the inside. That’s easier to show than to explain, so here’s the step-by-step.

First you will turn the skirt right-side out (the way you’d wear it, with the seams on the inside).

Then you place the waistband like so (dashed line is the raw edge, solid line is the folded crease):


Pin the waistband where it is, with the raw edge matching up to the top edge of your skirt gores. When it is matched up, stitch it onto the skirt.


Flip the creased edge of the waistband up so that the seam is turned inwards like the seams between the skirt gores. Iron it so that it lies flat.

Drawstring:

This can be a length of ribbon or string, or you can make it from the same fabric as the skirt. Simply cut a thin (1/2” to 1”) strip of fabric one and a half times the length of the waistband. Fold it in half lengthwise with the “right” side together (i.e. it’ll look inside out). Run it through the sewing machine to stitch down the long side, leaving both ends open (like a long tube.)

Attach a safety pin to one end of the fabric and tuck it inside the tube. You’ll be turning the fabric tube inside out. Feed fabric onto the safety pin and slip it over itself so that the safety pin moves down the tube. When you get to the other end you should be able to just pull on the safety pin and the whole tube will turn inside out. Once it does, tuck the ends under and stitch the tube closed (or knot it).

Elastic:

Depending on the size and stretch of the stretch of the elastic you choose, your length may vary. The absolute simplest way to cut the elastic to the proper length is to wrap it around your waist. It should fit comfortably without being so loose it falls off. Generally you’ll want it at about half it’s maximum stretch. When you determine that length, add ½” and cut.

Feeding Elastic or drawstring:

Find the seam where you sewed the two ends of the waistband together. Use a pin or seam-ripper to remove several stitches (just enough to fit the large safety pin through the opening).

Pin one end of the drawstring or elastic to the waistband. If it slips inside you’ll have to pull the whole thing out and start over. Pin the large safety pin to the other end and push it through the opening in the waistband seam. Continue to feed it through the waistband (if using elastic make sure it’s not twisting as you feed) until you come around and back through the original opening.

If you’re using a drawstring you need only even out the ends and you’re done!

If you’re using elastic, you need to make sure the elastic lies flat all the way around the waistband and hasn’t twisted anywhere. Pull a good length of elastic on both ends so that you can work with it without the skirt getting in the way. Lay one end flat across the other end, overlapping by ½”. Run through the machine several times, or hand stitch several lines across the overlap as so:


Tuck the elastic through the opening in the waistband and make a few small stitches (this is easiest to do by hand) to close the opening in the seam. You’re done!

FINAL SKIRT

Pick the skirt apart and use the gores you adjusted as a pattern piece to cut the fabric you’ve chosen for your final skirt. Follow the same directions as for making a test skirt and you should have a fabulous something that fits you just right.

A summer of clothes

So every now and then a co-worker will have something delivered to the office instead of their house for various reasons, and of course the address is immediately flogged to every retailer with a catalog. I save them up to flip through on my breaks and holy crap, can we say ugly clothes this summer?

A lot of stuff is made deliberately to look awkwardly homemade (i.e. the hippy look). I figure if they want to charge me $60 for a dress that looks like it was made from leftover quilting cotton, I might as well buy the fabric and make it myself. At least then I know it’ll fit I suppose it’s a perk since it means my homemade clothes might pass for store-bought.

Also, I know it’s a heartbreak for you short-waisted folks, but I’m ecstatic to see more tunics creeping in through the ubiquitous empire waists and babydolls. “But empire waists look good on everyone!” you cry? Well, no. Some of us are mostly torso and belly, so an empire waist makes me look like an overbalanced 9-month pregnant mushroom. Regular length shirts meant to hem at the hips look like belly shirts on me. I need tunics!

Anyway, despite the horror that is the clothing catalogs, I’ve found a few things I’m geeked about.

This Polka-dot surplice swing dress from Torrid is screaming my name. Can’t you hear it? It calls to me....

This short sleeve wrap blouse from Kiyonna is very much mine someday.

I love the return of halter tops...I have the shoulders for it, now I need the halter-strap bras.

Speaking of Bras, Fruit of the Loom is finally making inexpensive sports bras up to size 44 in a 3 pack for around $10. I bought them to take camping/hiking and they're marvelously comfortable. I don't think they'd fit very well for anyone over a D cup, but as a C (sometimes D) I can attest that they don't give me the "Uniboob" look most sports bras manage.

Beyond that I’m stuck with patterns, really. I’ve got boatloads of fabric in the attic waiting for something to be done. Basic gored and pleated skirts are a snap to put together so that might be my wardrobe focus for the summer. I’ve got a few good patterns for cute dresses and wrap-tops sitting around collecting dust. I think I’ll just take control of my look right out of the hands of retailers this year and especially out of the hands of retailers who think every fat woman needs to wear knit-look tents and shapeless drab, or layers of tacky ruffles in odd places and giant fabric flowers. (ahem..Roamans...ahem)...

MeMe Roth and Anorexia

Life on Fatz already covered MeMe Roth’s equating eating food with rape, which is on a level of F’d up I haven’t seen yet. I want to cover another problem that came up in the interview.

I have a hate-hate relationship with the article in general. The first hate is that they are giving this woman attention, despite her complete lack of credibility or expertise. (Fat parents and a job as an “image consultant” does not a health expert make). She portrays herself as a modern Jeanne D’arc leading the people from death, and the last thing you want to do with a hate-mongerer crazy for publicity is to give them publicity. For some reason the media seem to fawn on her, but I’m not sure if it’s because of body-envy or because she’s spewing the vitriol they’re secretly afraid to say because they know it’s nasty and bigoted. At least this reporter is careful to emphasize that she’s the only nut job in her particular bag ‘o trail mix. Second, of course, is that the reporter has to give the obligatory paragraph-long crunch on Death Fat, trotting out the same statistics that have been disproven for years but are still stacked somewhere in a fact-check file for reporters to reference.

Now for the reason why I even bothered to click over to it. This interview casts a light on MeMe’s disturbing intensity of fanaticism. First she refuses to meet the reporter anywhere that serves food. She shows up in a tightly belted coat she refuses to take off. She talks about shame trauma as a child which she centers on the weight of her relatives. She’s highly uncomfortable talking about her own eating. She says she doesn’t do breakfast, halfway admits to not often eating lunch, won’t or can’t name a food she does eat other than black beans, brags that she runs four miles a day, sometimes doesn’t allow herself to eat until after she’s run four miles a day, and as of the 3:30 interview had not eaten anything that day.

Now I’m not an expert either, but doesn’t this quack a whole helluva lot like anorexia?

I’ve spent as much time as anyone in disgust and sometimes anger over this woman and her unproductive bile, but is it possible that instead of just being a nasty, hateful human being she might also/instead be seriously ill? There’s also the risk that if she is anorexic as she comes across in this interview, that she’s passing dangerous behaviours on to others via her “private nutrition counselling business”.

There’s a point where sometimes an aversion becomes pathological. I can see where a lifetime associating fat with shame and pain could warp into disordered eating, which then would need to be self-justified. By encouraging disordered eating in others she would validate her own illness to herself. I wonder what she’s doing to her daughters, as an example? What would she do if one of her own children picked up a gene for fatness from their grandparents or great-grandparents? Would she be willing to watch or force her own daughters to run four miles a day on no food? Give the daughter her own childhood of shame and abuse (this time external instead of internal)? I would hate to think there’s that kind of evil in the world sitting in plain sight.

Book Review: Lessons From the Fatosphere

Book Review: "Lessons From the Fat-O-Sphere" by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby

I picked it up at Barnes and Nobles, in the Diet section (ironic, but perhaps good since someone might grab it by mistake while hunting for new ways to starve themselves). JD flipped through it in the store, read a couple of paragraphs at random, then bought his own copy so he didn’t have to wait for me to finish mine. Every now and then I hear him laughing in the other room when he hits something witty.

The book is definitely an ideal FA 101, covering almost every major concept a newbie would encounter in the fatosphere and explaining it clearly in everyday language. They address health (physical and mental), media criticism, self-acceptance and defense, diversity, clothes, relationships, etc. and give resources for further reading and/or surfing. This is the book I’m lending out to every dieter I can convince to read it.

FAVORITES:

Chapter 12: “Don’t believe that only sick freaks would want to date fat women.”
This really, really struck home for me. I’ve been in discussions of the pros and cons of the fetishization of fat, feederism, fat-fanciers, etc. and still carried around a part of me that said if someone’s attracted to me, there must be something wrong with them. I’m still doing some wrangling with that belief, but this chapter is definitely a win.

Particular love goes out to this: “But unless everyone involved is cheerfully polyamorous, do not date people who aren’t single.” Having been in both monogamous and poly relationships, and having some poly friends in a group marriage who encounter not a few blocks because of it, I really love that line. Even if it was meant to be sarcastic.

Chapter 24: “Get over yourself! They really, really aren’t all looking at you!”
This chapter hit me with a clue-by-four right where I needed it right now. My summer is devoted to incorporating this concept into my paradigm; that what other people do, say or think has nothing to do with me.

Some of the other ideas in the book may not strike everyone as important until they get put into effect. Not watching TV? Having unplugged my cable and begun only watching shows I can get commercial free on DVD, I can attest to the difference it makes. A surprising amount of mental energy gets used up in the battle against the social dogma of dieting. That energy could be better directed if you weren’t bombarded by the constant diet ads on TV. I would personally add the suggestion to listen to CD’s or MP3’s instead of the radio, or listen to a commercial free channel like public radio that may occasionally cover fat-prejudiced “news” or “research”, but is generally safe. The ads aren’t as bad on radio as TV but they’re there, and most disk jockeys lay on the fat jokes pretty heavy (no pun intended).

CRITICISM:

The one thing I noticed is that there’s not a lot about/for fat men in here. Granted the authors are women, but they’re also white and manage to at least touch on the unique struggles with body image for women of color (in a fantastic guest essay by Julia Starkey). Were Paul Campos, Paul McAleer, or any of the other big men in FA (pun intended) asked for contribution, or did they just not want to participate? Of course the grain of salt in that criticism is that not every book can be everything to everyone, and the writers were sharing their own experience as women.

I think the authors’ blogs are better written than the book. There’s a dynamic flow and immediacy to a blog post that’s hard to re-capture in the static of print, where one chapter has to transition into the next and the reader doesn’t have the options of clicking around to read background information. For instance, the chapter in the book on not putting things off until you’re thin was powerful and inspiring, but the original Fantasy of Being Thin post still moves me to tears whenever I read it. Let me also say that just because I thought the blog posts were better doesn’t mean that I don’t think the writing in the book isn’t damn good.

CONCLUSION:

Forever part of my FA library.

I’ve already loaned it out once and bought a copy for my Tante’ in California. The moment I finished reading it, the office Weight Watchers junkie saw it on my desk and asked to borrow it. I lent it to her, but I don’t think she more than skimmed it and I think she was looking for a “boost your self esteem while dieting” sort of thing. Maybe it planted a seed of doubt in her head, maybe not. Maybe one day she’ll even stop bringing food scales to the office potluck to weigh her servings of potato salad. In the meantime, in the midst of the office “Biggest Loser” contest, I think I’ll continue to leave it conspicuously out on my desk to see who else may bite.

P.S. I’d love to see this translated into Spanish!

The death of "Acceptable Fat"

This weekend I wore a sleeveless shirt in public for maybe the third time as an adult (other than the beach or pool). I even *gasp* wore it with shorts. I even *double gasp* went out without brushing my hair. Despite the white-knuckled defiance and the evidence that no one noticed or cared what I, a total stranger, was wearing, the “Acceptable Fat” persona was still shrinking into a little terrified ball in my guts.

“Acceptable Fat” is that little part of me that believes every passing human being is just waiting for a chance to humiliate me and stomp on any show of non-conformity or self-confidence. It’s that part of myself that spends every public moment watching how I walk, gesture, dance, talk and dress so as to not draw attentionto my different-ness. If I don’t stand out, I’m less likely to be targeted by the same kind of person who goes out of their way to leave nasty messages on a total strangers' blog. But if someone hates me for being fat, they’re going to hate me whether I’m in sweat pants or a tailored skirt, whether I’m eating ice cream or a salad or nothing at all. That phobia has officially claimed enough of my life, so I have made a goal for this summer. If I can’t get rid of Acceptable Fat, I can at least bring it to heel.

So this summer, I vow to bring about the end of Acceptable Fat in my life. I will wear a sleeveless shirt in public. I will mow my lawn in same sleeveless shirt and anyone who doesn’t like it can mow the damn thing for me or STFU. I will go walking in my neighborhood without wondering if anyone’s silently laughing at me behind the windows. I will only care for the opinions of people whose opinions I have reason to respect. I will not fear walking past groups of teenagers. I will go to the beach and only care about how much fun I have. I will go hiking and rest when I need to. When I’m hungry I will eat what my body wants, even if other people can see me. I will wear shorts. I will not assume that person who smiled at me is mocking me. I will smile back. I will wear the low-cut corset to the Ren Faire and flirt shamelessly with the pirates*. I will not allow Acceptable Fat to validate the judgements of others. I will wear high-heeled sandals even if it makes me 6’4”. I will make up that groovy sun dress pattern in flame-print cotton and wear it with said high-heeled sandals. I will only wear clothes that make me feel good. I will run barefoot in the grass and play softball and not waste time brushing my hair and putting on nice clothes just to run to the store. I will focus on the person I am and the people I’m with and not the people passing by. This is my summer.

*Note to JD: I promise not to bring the pirates home.**

**Unless they agree to mow the lawn and/or tile the bathroom floor. Then I promise to feed them and change their litter and keep them from scratching up the furniture.
Meow :-)

Holding on to my Standards

After a very bad breakup a few years back, I settled into a determined singlehood. It wasn’t that I couldn’t find anyone; I simply wasn’t looking, except occasionally in a half-hearted way. It didn’t help that PCOS was wreaking havoc with my hormones and killing my sex drive.

During that time I got a lot of advice from friends on how to find someone, up to and including lowering my standards (usually after I’d rejected someone who just didn’t click). At the time if anyone asked me what I wanted in a partner, I could tell them I wanted a man who was intelligent, literary, spontaneous, witty, spiritually compatible and either taller or stronger than I am. Geekiness and love of camping/hiking were perks. I still don’t think those standards are high, except for maybe the taller/stronger issue. That comes from a lifetime of being a six-foot-two chick with the sturdy frame of a viking peasant farmer, and is an issue entirely in my own head.

Anyway, my point is that there is an expectation that people (especially women) need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled, and consequently that “settling” for an unfulfilling relationship is somehow more desirable than being single. I’m here to say that’s utter and complete bullshit. I wasn’t (and still aren’t) willing to settle for less than what I need to make me happy in a relationship. I also wasn’t so unhappy as a very active single woman that I was impatient to find a relationship at any cost. I didn’t want the purpose of my life to be finding someone else, because if I made that the purpose of my life it would invalidate who I am and what I am capable of accomplishing on my own.

This was definitely NOT a consistent headspace throughout this time. I spent a lot of time struggling with the question of what I deserved, or whether it was more “realistic” to settle for what I could “catch”, because of what I looked like. When someone I didn’t know approached me, I struggled to shut up the voice in my head that said, “He’s attracted to me? what’s wrong with him?” and the more insidious suspicion that HE was settling for ME because he didn’t think he could do any better. The periods of ups and downs in that phase of emotional transition so resembled rapid-cycling that I even became convinced that I was bipolar.

Last October my highly empathetic and intuitive best friend staged a sort of intervention to help me along. Three of us sat down, and the rule was that we had to go around in turn and admit something that we’d never shared, and would make us cry. We talked about expectations of ourselves, perceived expections of those we care about, uncertainties as to our goals or deservedness of happiness. It turns out that we shared a lot of these in common.

At the end of the ritual I cut a length of my hair as sacrifice (and you’d have to know me to know how much that hurt) and asked my ancestors and the universe to, when I was ready to accept it, to send me the partner who would make me happy. I even went so far as to give the “list” of standards, leaving it up to them whether any of those standards were unrealistic.

Less than a month later I found out that despite all the mental and emotional progress I’d made in FA, I still didn’t believe that mutual attraction or love at first sight could apply to fat chicks. I found out by being proved wrong.

Part of the reason for the long break in blogging has been the introduction of a very distracting man into my life who, by the way, fits every single one of my standards for a partner, including the perks and a few things I didn’t know to ask for (like empathy). Sure there are things about us that the other has to adapt to, but the things that are really important (wit, intelligence, empathy, reason, humor, strength) are all there and accounted for. It’s a damn good thing I didn’t “settle” for less than I wanted, or I might have missed out on the awesomeness that is the real thing.

Now he’s moved in with me, and we’ve finally worked out possible ways to fit two enormous collections of books into one tiny, tiny house. (There’s no reason for us both to have copies of all the Jane Austen novels on the shelves, or duplicate Shakespeare. I’ll see his Dumas and raise him Isak Dinesen, and it may still all come down to paper-rock-scissors and cruising garage sales for new bookcases, possibly building an addition to have walls to put them on.)

We’ve already bought matching hiking boots, although my friends will do the fake-retching-that’s-sickeningly-sweet thing. We really only bought the same kind because they were 75% off and we’re both cheap bastards, but after two years my friends can put up with a little cuteness and STFU. :-)

Maybe some people can compromise on some or all of what they want in a partner and be completely satisfied. I know that finding the right person is almost entirely luck (plus a big chunk of self-awareness) and those who are more “people person” than I am may actually need to be in a relationship to be happy. Just make sure that no matter how much you want a warm body next to you at night that you don’t compromise on the core essentials that will make you happy. Having no partner really isn’t as bad as having a partner who doesn’t make you happy, trust me on this! Never settle for a partner who isn’t crazy about you (ALL of you) and vice-versa.

Fat will kill you with Swine Flu!?!?!

I caught this out of the corner of my ear on NPR and had to look it up to make sure I hadn't missed a massive concussion or fallen asleep at my desk. No, I actually had heard doctors blame a 22 year old kid's death from swine flu on "Obesity and other health problems."

Beginning my trip into 1984, I find this article that manages to sprinkle fat-hysteria throughout with this particular gem as to why they think fat people are more likely to die of the flu:

"Other studies have shown that pregnant women are at higher risk, especially in the third trimester when the fetus and womb compress the lower regions of the lungs. This makes it harder to breathe deeply and cough forcefully; it may also alter blood flow in the chest. A similar thing may occur in severely overweight people, some experts speculated."

Seriously!? All fat people carry crushing belly weight that keeps them from breathing? SERIOUSLY!?

After making my way down the google news feed, it seems every article on the 22 year old from Utah who just died from the flu mentions the potential complications with this or a similar quote:

"Authorities said the man was overweight and had chronic medical conditions, including respiratory problems and other health issues that put him at risk."

So the fact that he was fat is factored more heavily than the fact that he had a chronic respiratory illness?

Are they seriously this ignorant, or just trying to reassure the reading public that Swine Flu is only killing the fatties? Are news feeds so eager to get on the bandwagon that they'll find a way to slip weight into ANYTHING?

*Breaking news, Shark attack linked to victim's obesity....*

This head-banging-on-desk sort of logic. Unfortunately it offers a brand-new-trendy scare tactic for the media to fly. Instead of taking a breath and a pause (or even, I don't know, offering sympathy to the victim's family?) they capitalize on the double fear of flu and fat to grab readers and give them one more lash for non-conformity.

If this was an actual research study I'd give it a CDNEC award. As it is it's going to get the honorary cousin to the CDNEC, known as the "You're a complete dumbass" award.

Recipe Box: Hot Spinach-Artichoke Dip

There's a restaurant a friend of mine gravitates towards because of a dish called "The Bubbler". It's a hot spinach-artichoke dip served with pita, and last time I tasted it I thought to myself, "this can't be that hard to make, instead of paying eight bucks for it"...

So here is the Bubbler. This is a party-size recipe and can expect to cover a dozen or more people at the "dab on a plate with chips" size serving. These ingredients are all "to taste". Personally I like to overload it with spinach, but your mileage may vary.

16 oz cream cheese (or neufchatel)
2 cups of milk
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 cup frozen spinach
1 cup coarse-chopped frozen or bottled artichoke hearts

Heat the cream cheese and milk in the microwave at one-minute intervals, stirring between, until softened.

Use a whisk or fork to whip the cream cheese and milk together until smooth

Add the rest of the ingredients and stir together

Heat again at 1 minute intervals, stirring between, until hot.

Serve with pita triangles or corn chips.

(Note: you could jazz this up a bit with pine nuts, red peppers and/or sun-dried tomatoes)

There you are: probably the least complicated recipe I've ever posted here! :-)

The Theory of Trolls

Why do trolls bother? After all, they have to come across the blog entry, whether on Google or through the fatosphere feed (which denotes a whole 'nother level of unhealthy stalking behaviour) read through an entry (theoretically) and then actually take the time to come up with a reply, type it out, go through the "hidden pictures" anti-spam rigmarole.....for what? Are they so pantingly desperate for a chance to be nasty?

Durkheim and the buzzword "morality" aside, a society develops rules of conduct (written or unwritten) which allows it to function. You'll see that in a close-knit society people are much less likely to be rude and/or violent towards each other (not that its impossible, especially in familial abuse). This is because there are clear repercussions which make the individual responsible for their actions. Misbehavior is more likely to reflect on them throughout their lives.

As our "society" expands to a larger community where you cannot possibly know everyone, you become less accountable for your behaviour. After all, the odds of you ever meeting that person you were rude to again are slim. You won't be reminded of your rude behavior or face social consequences such as ostracization.

As the internet expands our society to a global scale we find that both the chance of face to face accountability is reduced to almost nothing. The dehumanization of text-only communication reduces empathy and the wide mixture of cultures with different rules of conduct confuses the matter further. The mature, responsible person is able to adjust their interpersonal rules of conduct and apply them online as if they were face to face.

It's interesting. Most trolls, by their behavior, would fit many of the signs of a sociopathic personality if they were acting as they do to people outside the internet. Eliminating body language doesn't mean that behavior automatically goes from crazy to rude.

We can also gain insight into those who leave hate-comments by studying the Psychology of Hate. I do think that the profile and psychology of irrational haters is comparable regardless of the target. (NOT making a value judgment or comparison between fat-hate and racism!). Haters, and trolls, are unsure of their social identity. When social identity is threatened people often cling to irrational belief, willing to defend it violently rather than adapt to the new social reality.

Hate can simply be an immature device to achieve detachment. When a troll posts a nasty comment about my weight, they are simply trying to say "I don't want to identify with you" (without, of course, using their words like a grownup). If they really examined their motivations, they'd find that they don't have to be anything like me (and probably aren't.) They don't have to somehow violently separate themselves from me in order to avoid the social stigma they fear. They don't have to post a comment to convince themselves they're not just separated from me by the narrowest margin of social whim.

Or maybe they do, because they fear it might be so.

Beauty and Government

Michigan’s state budget is crashing like a demented lemming at a cliff face. I mention this not only because it means I’m laid off for six days this summer, but because I’ve spent more time than usual before and after work searching google news for keywords like “Michigan Budget” and “Granholm” (the governor). Of course the comments section of any news article is a case for Sanity Watcher’s points, but I’ve noticed that the most virulent critics of Granholm almost inevitably end their criticism with a mention of the mole on her cheek.

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. When dealing with a woman in power, a large part of the criticism is nearly always directed at her appearance. If they find her attractive they bandy around terms like “MILF” and “Babe,” and usually conclude that she is therefore less intelligent. If there is any physical “flaw” it is seized upon with relish as a reflection of her character. How often have we seen Michelle Obama judged by her clothes, height, build and face instead of her intelligence? In the current Supreme Court nomination process, how much of the cyberspace discussion surrounds the physical appearance of the female nominees? Are women held to a literal double standard of both skill and appearance? Is having a picturesque leader now more important than an intelligent one? Can a mole magically suck governing skills from a human brain?

Paul Campos summarizes it nicely on The Daily Beast. He also tops it with what may just be the perfect quote, which is what originally caught my eye on Shapely Prose:

"For some men, the only thing more intolerable than the sight of a powerful woman is the sight of a powerful woman they don’t want to sleep with."
- Paul Campos

Really..'nuff said.

Envy

I’ve been considering the motives behind those who feel they must judge the bodies or lifestyles of others. While I do allow for the possibility that there may be genuine concern for the health of others (however misplaced it may be), it seems more often that the health issue is more often a convenient hiding place for something no one is quite comfortable admitting aloud.

“ I am Envy, begotten of a chimney-sweeper and an oyster-wife.
I cannot read, and therefore wish all books burned. I am lean
with seeing others eat. O, that there would come a famine over
all the world, that all might die, and I live alone! then thou
shouldst see how fat I'd be. But must thou sit, and I stand?
come down, with a vengeance!”
-Christopher Marlowe, The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus From the Quarto of 1616

There is of course some doubt as to why anyone would envy a group that is so regularly despised and marginalized by their cultural, peers and selves. On the other hand, the stigma that fat is the result of “letting yourself go” is telling. The stereotype may have negative connotations of laziness in our culture, but when you remove the Calvinist interpretation there is much more lurking underneath. In our business and object-oriented society we spend our lives figuratively scrambling up the cliff face by our fingernails in order to reach the top before anyone else. We are never asked to consider whether there is anything on the top of the cliff worth reaching; we only know that we must climb.

What really happens when you let go? The trouble is that no one can really know until they do so. They are told that at the top of the cliff lies immortality, wealth, beauty and love. To climb they must work themselves into illness, give up all pleasure, experience the pain of tearing and stuffing and cutting their bodies, seek out and subjugate themselves to those higher up the cliff while hanging on to the edge of panic over how long they’ll be able to continue climbing.

What they are not told is that they are chasing a mirage. They know on some level, of course. This is why they envy and hate those who simply choose not to climb. They are afraid that if one stops climbing, others will notice and begin questioning the worth of the goal. If all stop climbing, their efforts will be wasted. They will have to admit the impossibility of immortality and the risk of love without purchase. They will have to decide what they really want, rather than giving up volition to follow the masses. Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of humanity more than self-examination.

“Clutching her cornet of sweets the small girl turns to go, reconsiders, turns again. ‘You won’t ever guess his favourite,’ she says. ‘He hasn’t got one.’
‘I find that difficult to believe,’ I smile. ‘Everyone has a favourite. Even Monsieur Muscat.’
Lucie considers this for a moment. ‘Maybe his favourite is the one he takes from someone else,’ she tells me limpidly. Then she is gone, with a little wave through the display window.”
-Joanne Harris, ‘Chocolat’

Envy is not just the desire to have what others have. It is summed up in the phrase “If I can’t have it, no one should.” Personally I have experienced body envy. Honestly I’d doubt any woman who claims to have never, even during their teens, resented another human being simply for having a particular physical trait. Speaking from that experience I can say that envy is an ugly thing. Even stripping away the Judeo-Christian concept of sin, it remains an ugly thing. Envy is a grasping, selfish, hateful feeling that twists everything it touches. If you’ve ever experienced it, you can perhaps understand why the envy of those who don’t feel as if they have the right to be happy can express itself in hate.

This is, of course, an explanation rather than an excuse. Anyone who’s watched monkeys in a cage at the zoo will recognize many basic human behaviours. If you watch long enough you may even be able to check off the Judeo-Christians’ seven deadly sins in their entirety. This is an instance of a religion’s rules of behaviour having perfectly sound reasoning behind the dogma. The “sins” separate us from the chimpanzees. They are what make us civilized in the most basic sense of the word. As Granny Weatherwax would say, all true sins begin with treating people as things. Including ourselves.


(P.S.: To the one who made me re-visit Marlowe, and you know who you are, thanks for inspiring this post!)

Recipe Box: Sweet Baked Ham with Red-Eye Gravy

I'm not a big fan of pork (and boyo do I realize how many dirty jokes you could make out of that statement!) However, since pig in it's various forms is traditional food this time of year, I've experimented to see how I can make it so that I actually do like it. Even so this is a once a year recipe for me.

I prefer fresh ham over cured/salted/smoked or processed. Unfortunately it's getting harder and harder to find. This year I had to resort to a cured ham, but it was a success at the party anyway. I wouldn't use a fully cooked/ready to eat ham as I don't like the salty flavor.

The ingredients list is what I use for a 12 pound half-ham (serves about 10-12 people without leftovers). If you have a much larger or smaller ham, just eyeball the ingredients. They're not that precise because they don't really need to be. Don't stress out over which size can of pineapple, just dump it on in.

Ingredients:

Whole or half ham (butt or shank end)

2 cups (1/2 of a fifth bottle, give or take) pineapple schnapps (can substitute pear or apple if you can't find pineapple). Look for schnapps with natural flavoring. Don't use things like apple pucker with all artificial flavor and color or trust me, it will be gross (and a funny shade of purple).

1 can/1 cup of crushed pineapple with juice
1 can/8-10 slices of pineapple with juice
1 bottle red maraschino cherries with juice
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup whole cloves
1 whole Cinnamon stick



Directions:

Place the ham in a large roasting pan (cut end down if using a half-ham)

Poke the cloves. (my this post is just full of dirty statements!) Push the sharp end of each whole clove into the ham until you have a pattern of dots spread approx. 1/2 to 1 inch apart over the entire surface (not the cut end if you're using a half-ham). Think Pinhead from Hellraiser if you need a visual. If you get your cloves from a whole foods or organic store they will generally be larger, stronger, tastier and easier to work with than the bottled type.

Use wooden toothpicks to tack maraschino cherries onto the ham, then hang the pineapple slices from the toothpicks (this looks impressively Dickensian when it's finished).

Dump the rest of the pineapple, maraschino cherries, Cinnamon stick and brown sugar over the top of the ham. Don't drain the juices first, just throw it all in. Pour the liquor over everything.

Cover the roasting pan. If the cover won't go on because of the size of the ham, make a "tent" from aluminum foil that peaks over the top of the ham and is crimped onto the inside edge of the roaster. Don't leave any gaps for steam to escape, but remember that you'll need to get in to baste. The point is to trap the condensation while it's cooking so that the ham does not dry out.

Bake at 135 degrees for approx. 35 minutes for each pound (i.e. 6 hours for a 12 pound ham) Yes, this means it'll be in the oven all day! Baste at least every hour, turning the ham if possible.

Uncover and bake an additional 1/2 hour to 45 minutes, baste/spoon the juices liberally over the ham every 15 minutes.

Serve! Remove the toothpicks (the pineapple should stick on it's own at this point) and either cut off the skin or remove the cloves before serving.

Red-Eye Gravy:

Stir up the ham drippings at the bottom of the roasting pan.
you can use a spoon, baster or large-hole sieve to separate the juices and drippings from the fruit. Set aside the fruit to serve as a side dish.
Make a pot of very strong coffee. Add 1/4 cup coffee for each cup of liquid and drippings to a pot on medium-low heat.
Add flour a tablespoon at a time (or corn starch 1 tsp at a time dissolved in hot water).
Stir constantly until gravy thickens. This makes a sweet and savory gravy that goes well with ham and sweet potatoes.

Leftovers:

The perfect use for leftover ham from this recipe is to use it, bone and all, as a base for soup. I do bean soup, but it would work as a base for potato or split-pea as well.

Comfortable in my Skin

Have you ever met someone who makes you feel entirely unselfconscious? I've encountered a few in the last months, and it was the absence of the initial "once-over" look that made me aware that such a look existed.

You know the look (or at least now you'll be waiting for it). You meet someone new and there's a moment where they assess your clothes, body, shoes, income, hair and stance in a single superficial sweep, conscious or otherwise. You can see certain questions being checked off in their heads...how much does she weigh? How tall is she? What is she wearing and what does it say about her? Does she have money, a wedding ring, good/bad makeup? Are her shoes new/cheap/appropriate for her outfit? Is she trying to be trendy/goth/punk/hip/conservative in her dress?

Of course I'm of multiple minds on this. On one hand it's a perfectly normal part of human communication to use non-verbal cues to figure out how to approach people or to correctly interpret or anticipate what they say. It's such a natural part of communicating that most of us don't realize that it's missing in these days of IM and chat. We've learned, to some extent, to adapt to the lack of visual cues, but this lack is part of the reason there are so many more arguments and misunderstandings in online conversations.

On the other hand, as Samuel Clemens said, "common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen". When someone does the "once-over" look, are they filtering what they see through a collection of prejudices that includes the Calvinistic belief that I am all of the negative character traits associated with fat people? That I am lazy, stupid, etc. ? When I defy that belief, is the surprise increased because of those prejudices? (Which, one could argue, might be used to my advantage).

But, as I said, I've met a few people recently outside my regular circle of friends who met me without the usual once-over. Coincidentally, they turned out to be people I'm really drawn to, have a lot in common with, and will hopefully end up as close friends. I don't want to use the absence of the "once-over" as a magic eight ball of potential friendship at this point, but I'm going to at least pay attention to it as a barometer; one more tool when it comes to knowing how people tick.

Then again, using the absence of a superficial assessment of my personality as a superficial assessment of their personality is quite probably hypocritical of me.

Then again, I never did claim to not be a hypocrite.

A Health Ramble

Is it my own shift in perspective, or is the "be thin and live forever" market beginning to lose it's edge? The same tired lines, the ever increasing desperation to sell as many magic pills as possible before someone catches on... Weight loss promises seem to be going the way of so many modern Americana trends, and commercials for weight loss now seem at home on the late night infomercial slot sandwiched between the miracle shammy and the gadget that lets you cook chicken on your carburetor. In other words, it's getting old, and it seems people are now looking for the next big thing to throw time and money at in hopes of an eternal life. Maybe if we're lucky it'll be HAES.

At what point do we realize that everyone, fat, thin, smoking, vegan, kosher and jogging, will one day die. Odds are they will also get sick first. The idea that artificial thinness somehow grants immortality or control over fate is so ridiculous that even I have problems believing that I bought it for so long.

If someone does, by some fluke, break through the barrier of immortality, we all know that it'll be some rancher in Wyoming who chain smokes and eats steak at every meal. That's how the universe works. Irony is the subtle weapon it uses to poke at our illusions of control.

In the meantime, I have gone from being able to say "I'm fat but I'm perfectly healthy" to PCOS. Which means I have to say, "There are plenty of healthy fat people, I'm just not one of them." Somehow it lacks oomph in my own mind, even though either argument will fail if someone is truly determined against the idea. It's even a bit unfair to myself, as I am relatively healthy outside of PCOS. It doesn't mean that I don't feel that my body has somehow let me down, or fear that having something wrong with me will give fat-haters an "aha!" trump in any discussion, but in all honesty I'm still generally healthy, regardless of weight. Who knows what it all means in the end, except that perhaps it never really mattered in the first place. Health has always been a red herring for the underlying issue that human beings will always need a group to feel superior over. In the absence of an official hierarchy, an unofficial one will always spring into being. At some point weight was selected in the public mind to be the basis of that hierarchy, and here we are today supporting a $50 billion weight loss industry.

That begs the question...are the thin really at the top of any social scale, or are we simply duped by industry advertising dollars into thinking they should be?

"Fat Girl and Proud" Youtube video

What a nice surprise to get on Youtube and find this instead of the usual nastiness directed at fat people!

Recipe Box: Spicy Dandelion Greens (vegan)

So I've been crunching recipes for a workshop I'm doing at the Mothergrove festival next month on incorporating wild plants into cooking. I made this one last night to test the recipe, and while I overdid the red pepper a bit (I think I drank half a gallon of ice tea), it turned out surprisingly well. The taste is a bit like mustard greens or endive.

Dandelion greens are full of iron and calcium (more than spinach), vitamin C, and A. Before they produce flowers in the spring the leaves are mild and perfect for salads. After the flowers appear, the greens get bitter, but the bitterness can be alleviated by pre-boiling and tempering with sweet ingredients. The high iron content makes them a traditional medicine to treat anemia and jaundice.

Make sure to correctly identify dandelion greens, as there are several look-alikes which are not poisonous, according to field guides, but are decidedly more bitter and even a few mixed in can throw a dish. Here's a decent intro to plants that are commonly mistaken for dandelions. Hairy/spiny leaves, branching or woody stems, or leaves growing from the flower stem itself are all signs that you do not have a dandelion.

Also be sure to avoid collecting greens in lawns that have been treated with pesticides, herbicides, or chemical fertilizers not intended for food crops within the past two years. Do not collect by roadsides where runoff could contaminate the plant. Always wash wild-collected plants thoroughly before using. People with latex sensitivities may have a reaction to dandelion leaves and stems, but anyone introducing a new plant into their diet should do so slowly and cautiously in case of allergic reaction.

Spicy Dandelion Greens
4 side-dish size servings

2 lbs dandelion greens, about 8 cups by measure, which looks like many times more than you need, but the volume will shrink considerably during cooking. Discard any that are discolored or insect-eaten.

1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 tablespoon plus 1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/4 cup olive oil
1/2 teaspoon dried red pepper flakes (to taste) or chopped chile pepper to taste.
3 medium cloves of garlic, crushed
1/4 cup pine nuts (optional, but tasty)

3/4 cups raisins (regular or golden) if using greens harvested after flowers appear on the plant in spring. This is to offset the bitterness, so it isn't necessary if using young spring greens.


bring water with 1 tablespoon sea salt to a boil in a pot large enough to hold the greens.
wash the greens well, removing any stems left on the leaves. Cut into rough 2-inch sections cross-wise (across the leaf)
Boil greens for 4 minutes
Drain in colander and rinse well with cold water, pressing the leaves to remove as much moisture as you can.
Heat olive oil in pan or wok until hot (medium-high heat) but not smoking.
Add Garlic and sautee for 30 seconds
Add the greens, pepper, pine nuts, 1/2 teaspoon salt and raisins. Sautee for three minutes or until moisture is removed from greens.
Add lemon juice and continue to sautee for an additional minute, or until greens start to crisp a bit around the edges.

Enjoy!

If you don't have a safe source for dandelion greens nearby, you can substitute any bitter green in this recipe, including mustard greens, endive, escarole, turnip greens or chicory. The cooking time may need to be adjusted; turnip greens need to be boiled longer, endive can be just blanched or skip the boiling and go right to the pan, and so on depending on the bitterness and toughness of the greens.